Application for Nathan Petrelli, from "Heroes"

[soopernathan.livejournal.com]

(( SPLOSION OF HEROES, OH NOEZ :0 Cut for spoilers, though there aren't many. Just to be safe! This has also been approved by all the Heroes muns ^^; ))

...This was where Peter had disappeared off to?

One thing was for certain - Hogwarts was a place in which Nathan Petrelli most definitely did not fit. For a man who had spent the last several weeks, months, God only knew how long, of his life dressed continually and almost solely in business suits and ties - no, really; he practically slept in Gucci by the end of that election - he most definitely did not fit in a school so... crackedcasual.

Even as he was striding into the room, he was loosening his tie, trying to appear as informal as possible with several hundreds of dollars of clothing on his back.


What a dump.

He didn't even know where to begin with this place. All stone walls and stark wooden furniture and, Jesus, this place looked straight out of medieval times or something. He was fairly sure he'd even passed a suit of armor on the way in. And a moving picture, but that... no. He'd seen more than he should have in the last few days - super strength, time stopping, people exploding - but damn if he was still chalking it up to his eyes playing tricks on him. Flying off from New York, all the way to Scotland, would do that to someone. It would.

Right. Down to business, huh? There was only a stack of papers on the table in view. No way to find Peter right off the bat and make his life, in general, so much easier, was there?

...No, of course not.


1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

"Cheese?" Nathan repeated aloud to himself, letting his eyes briefly search the room before settling back onto the paper. What the hell was this? "Jesus, what have I walked into?" he added in a mutter, fishing around for a pen in his inner jacket pocket and retrieving a clicky ballpoint, 'VOTE PETRELLI' inscribed in cheap silver across the side. They had so many of these stupid things left over. Nathan felt slightly ridiculous rising to that kind of level of narcissism in which he was writing with a pen with his own name on it. But what the hell.

Parmesan, he wrote without much more debate, and, really, there was no contest. Hey, he wasn't afraid of his sickeningly Italian love for the stuff on pasta.


2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

...Okay, his sons watched Barney. And... did anyone really watch Carrottop? Ever? Either way, that was just wrong. He was automatically thinking back to Linderman, the gun... God. He'd really rather NOT kill somebody unless it really came down to that level of necessity.

Carrottop, he scribbled down in nearly indecipherable chicken scratch anyway, as if he felt obligated to answer the question. For every time I had to watch that damn 1-800-COLLECT commercial.


3. What time is it where you are?

What kind of pointless questionnaire was this? He'd just wanted to grab Peter and get the hell out of here, and now people were asking him about the time. He glanced to his watch with a sigh, scrawling out the time with a frown. Time for him to shove this application right up the ass of whoever was responsible, was what.


4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

"Oh, for Christ's sake." Yeah, he couldn't help it with that question. "Married? Happily." Not that Niki Sanders would vouch for that, but... beside the point.

He left the question blank, with a roll of his eyes. Honestly.


5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

Seriously. Did Peter make this crap up? Just to piss him off, wasn't it? "Fun and game time's over, Pete," he called out in a cautious sort of voice, to nobody in particular, eyes flickering dubiously away from the application. ...Yeah, he was alone. And probably going a little nuts too, now, at this juncture. Petrellis really did keep it in the family, huh?

Okay. Bar name. Right. Amuse the masses. Something he was uncomfortably used to.

Flying Man's

Nathan almost cracked a bit of a grin. Almost. Hiro was pretty flattering. Kind of cute when he did that. But, yeah, very much no.

Petrelli's? What the hell. Short. Sweet. To the point.


B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

...This was some ploy to get him to finally spill his opinion on gay marriage, wasn't it? He'd won the election and he was still paranoid. Jeez.

This was hypothetical, right? Good.

Harry should... pick whomever he's happy with. Someone who makes him smile.

No comments about marriages, civil unions, anything that could be twisted around to make him out to be a homophobe or so far into the closet that he was seeing Narnia, posted in the Times the next day. Awesome


C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

Because they didn't have a team of people hired to deal with crap like this, like he had? ...Possibly.

Invest in flamethrowers. Haha, so funny, Nathan. Talk about burning things when New York was nearly a pile of smoldering rubble only days ago. He actually winced, in wake of that thought. When your brother was all that had been left of that hypothetical wreck. Was nearly the cause of that wreck. Kidding. But I'd at least suggest a secretary.


D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

Because he could fly? Because his flying consequentially led to his keeping Peter from blowing everything up? Because he was part of the reason why Kirby Plaza wasn't said aforementioned pile of smoldering rubble? A million reasons. None of which he could use, not publicly.

Hey, I just got elected to Congress, he scribbled, simply, shrugging as he wrote. Landslide victory. Pretty damn impressive if I should say so myself.

And all without a single spot of ego.


6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

They were kidding, right? Bribes. Not something he was unfamiliar with, naturally, but asking right-out for one was a totally different thing. Not that he had nothing to give, either. He had political power. He had connections in pretty high places. He was... fairly well off, financially. The picture of your friendly, neighborhood, political figure head.

Depends on what you're looking for.

At least it was open for interpretation.




"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. N.P.
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. N.P.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. N.P.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ...N.P.?"

Comments

[charlesofdensen.livejournal.com]

"I hear that," in response to the Carrottop question.

[soopernathan.livejournal.com]

Do what now? Who was this guy? He looked like... that guy from... God, from Vegas. That tried to freaking kidnap him. "Hear what?" he prompted back in a cautious sort of voice, cocking an eyebrow and scratching at his chin.

[tomatohacker.livejournal.com]

"Awwwwwww....Ed liked the Flying Man answer!" in response to Nathan scratching out Flying Man

[soopernathan.livejournal.com]

...Of course he would. Nathan paused for a few long seconds - and, Jesus, he'd just wanted to find Peter, now everyone was stopping by to say 'hi'? - before he shot Ed a smile, the kind that knew the guy was absolutely nuts and he was just going to try to back out politely. "Really? That's... That's great. Maybe I should have kept it, huh?" Double damn.

[makeminemayday.livejournal.com]

"So... if you just got elected to Congress, why come here?" May asked, curious. "Assuming you meant to and didn't just walk out of your office and find yourself here?"

[soopernathan.livejournal.com]

"Ah, no. Actually... hunting down my," pain in the ass, "brother. Peter Petrelli, you know him?" Since he'd, you know. Exploded and then disappeared off the face of the damn planet. But that... Yeah, he would leave that part out for the time being, thanks very much.

[hobodoktor.livejournal.com]

"Ya know, I saw someone like you once. He was flying though."

[soopernathan.livejournal.com]

Christ, second crazy person in the last five minutes. Peter really knew how to pick the winners, didn't he? "Flying?" There it was again. The 'you're fucking nuts, please depart from my presence as soon as possible, please' smile, forcing his mouth upwards at the corners. "I don't fly. Must've been... some other guy. Who looked like me, maybe." Or you're nuts; shut up, hobo man.

[supah-waffles.livejournal.com]

When Hiro entered the Sorting room, he didn't bother to read the application. Partly because he couldn't read English, and partly because he was too excited to stop and read anything. Grinning hugely, he ran up to Nathan and threw his arms wide.

"Flying Man!" He yelled, and the clapped his hand over his mouth. "Ah, oops...."

[tomatohacker.livejournal.com]

Well, that name just delighted Ed.

"FLYING MAN!" Ed yelled, imitating Hiro.

[likeabadpenny.livejournal.com]

Peter - still in the Sorting Room - hadn't even really heard the application to begin with. He'd been too busy emoing wondering if everybody back in New York was okay, talking to other people, and not really feeling all too great. He'd already absorbed at least five different new abilities, and those were only the ones he knew about. It took some getting used to.

He'd also spent a good amount of time feeling rather guilty over the clothes he'd borrowed from the house elf. They'd been okay, and now they were riddled with stab holes from Sylar. He was going to have to start wearing indestructible clothes or something.

So when he heard a familiar voice, he almost dismissed it. Until Peter turned, and looked, and his mouth dropped open. Nathan. Nathan was here. How was he still alive? ...Okay, that so didn't matter right now.

"Nathan!" Peter grinned widely, almost tripping over himself in his rush to run to his brother, wasting no time in practically tackling him in a hug.

[soopernathan.livejournal.com]

Finally.

After what he'd seen here already - guys named Ed talking in the third person, talk of popcorn and magic, hobos using squirrels as phones? - he was so ready to just get the hell out and on with his life, Peter safely in tow. This place was an absolute nuthouse. No wonder Peter showed up here of all places.

He looked pissed off. Maybe a little protective. But Jesus, was it so good to see the guy again. Intact. Nathan took no moment's pause to hug Peter right back, even when Peter had sent him reeling back a good foot or so. That was like a freaking bear tackling him. A cub, maybe - Peter wasn't that strong. Nathan's hands automatically grabbed into Peter's shirt, though, hard, as he let out a hard breath that had to lift about three hundred pounds off his shoulders.

"Jesus, Pete, you don't just... disappear like that."

[usethepoker.livejournal.com]

Susan, already in the Sorting Room, made her way over. "You know Peter?" she asked.

[soopernathan.livejournal.com]

That was. ...Some hair she had going on there. Nathan's eyes lingered on the shock of white and black for a few long seconds, before, he let his gaze fall back onto Susan's own eyes. "Peter? Yeah, he's my brother. Why, you met him?"

[c-macaulay.livejournal.com]

Camilla read the application over. "Hello," she said. "I like your Gryffindor answer. But I think it's a little idealistic."

As she said it, she smiled: that heartstopping smile that seemed to set her face aglow; the smile that had made Silas literally believe her an angel.

[soopernathan.livejournal.com]

Nathan couldn't help but smirk a bit at her remark, scratching at his cheek. Idealistic? "You think?" he replied slightly sarcastically.

[carriesapurse.livejournal.com]

A purple figure splotched with yellow grease staggered into the Sorting Room. It held its furry mitts over its wide white-lined ears, and it emitted a pained bellow.

"Noooooooooo."

[soopernathan.livejournal.com]

Was that a... God, that looked like something straight out of PBS, that his sons would have watched when they were younger. It was... somebody in a big purple suit. ...Yeah, he was going nuts. "...Hello?"

[fullofjelly.livejournal.com]

About half-way through the application, Santa started yawning. By the time it was done, Santa had somehow pulled out a beach chair and was lounging in it with a sun lamp overhead, wearing a thong (http://a248.e.akamai.net/f/248/5462/2h/tzrz.safeshopper.com/images/518t2e5.jpg). He was on his third martini and, as Nathan finally seemed to be done with the questions, he pushed his sunglasses up and arched one bushy brow.

"You're even more boring when you're not giving political speeches. That's talent, right there. Don't let anyone tell you different."

[soopernathan.livejournal.com]

oh dear freaking christ what the fuck was that

Friendly exterior entirely forgotten, and Nathan definitely took in a hissed breath as he averted his eyes to somewhere very much not looking at the fat guy in the thong, fucking... God! That should not be allowed in public. It really should not.

"Yes, well," he replied with a clear of his throat. Don't look at that, Nathan, just don't. Not unless he wanted his eyes to fall out. "I try."

[lady-h3ath3r.livejournal.com]

I thought getting elected to Congress was essentially a collaborative effort. Wouldn't it be more effective in proving your lack of uselessness if you told us what you intended to do in Congress?

[soopernathan.livejournal.com]

Collaborative unless you're backed up by one of the most influential guys in the US, never mind the back-up Nathan had in New York. "Well, everybody's heard that speech about a million times over or so, haven't they?" he commented with a bit of a raised eyebrow, flashing that million dollar Petrelli grin. Which was, you know, politician-speak for, 'I have nothing prepared'. "Besides. US Congress? Not so much making with the Scotland, if you catch my drift."

[familyman-hrg.livejournal.com]

Great. Just great. More people from New York. Strictly speaking, they had met in Vegas first, but everything had ended up in New York, hadn't it? "Nathan Petrelli. Your brother was looking for you."

[soopernathan.livejournal.com]

If you could call Noah pulling a gun on him and trying to capture Nathan 'meeting'. Nathan liked to think of it more of attempted kidnapping, and Bennet's appearance definitely made Nathan's shoulders tense with a newfound wariness. "Yeah, I saw," he replied bluntly, narrowing his eyes. "What the hell are you doing here?"

[buggy-genius.livejournal.com]

If there's one thing Hodgins hates, it's politicians. Actually, there's a lot more things he hates (people not listening to him, people who won't stop talking about their pets and try to show him pictures, crying babies on airplanes, movies that catered to teenage girls, people who kick puppies, and creamed corn) but they're not being represented here. "A Congressman. Nice. Have you hidden any interns yet, or are you new?"

[soopernathan.livejournal.com]

Ah, great. Not that Nathan hadn't seen the anti-politicians and their conspiracy theories before, but he hadn't exactly been expecting it in a castle in the middle of Scotland. ...Not that he knew what to expect out of this place anyway, but still. "Just the one I cut into pieces and buried under my house," he snarked back in turn, eyebrow raised to Hodgins.

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

"Ah, a politician!" the Hat exclaime jauntily as it settle on Nathan's head. Ooh, hair gel! "Excellent! Going to attempt to become a part of the Wizengamot, are you?"

[soopernathan.livejournal.com]

Okay, so there was much Nathan didn't understand. Carrottop's jokes. Peter's psychotic delusions about saving the world. Half of the stuff at this school. ...Why there was a talking hat on his head. Also, "Wizengawhat?"

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

There's nothing more cunning and ambitious than a politician. And you've got good hair, too!

Your bribe has been accepted.

Welcome to Slytherin!