[identity profile] insane-mil-cmdr.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] hh_mirror
A corona of orange light burst into being in the Sorting Room, dilated and disappeared, leaving behind a man dressed all in black. His head was back, eyes closed, fists clenched at his sides, and a small red robot rolled back and forth on the floor beside him, unnoticed.

At length Bialar Crais lowered his head and opened his eyes, and reached behind him to feel the back of his neck. His face constricted in intense pain and grief for a moment, and then he forced it back into an impassive mask. Looking down at himself, he scowled in disgust and yanked off his black leather gloves, then his leather duster with armored breastplate, and dropped them into a chair beside a writing desk, leaving him in black uniform slacks, boots and a long-sleeved black thermal shirt. After a moment's thought he added a leather cap from a cargo pocket on his thigh to the pile, pulled a pulse pistol from its holster and held it above the pile, then pulled his hand back and reholstered it.

He walked around the room, the little droid rolling in the opposite direction, examining the walls. "MALDIS! Show yourself!" he bellowed. When no answer came, he added, "I will not give you what you want, Maldis! I have no anger left for you to feed upon."

The little robot scaled the leg of the desk and beeped to call the man's attention to a moving quill. The quill had recorded the entire speech, including the electronic beep. Puzzled, he pulled a copy of the application form from the stack and began answering the questions aloud.

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"When we were small and living on our farm, my father used to make us cheese, with a mixture of local herbs. I had almost forgotten it, until the Chair." Perhaps I've simply gone mad. Or this is the Hell Crichton always said he'd see me in.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Crais stiffened. "Whichever was called for by the circumstances of a combat situation. I do not kill in cold blood anymore."

3. What time is it where you are?
"I'd imagined that in the unlikely event I was to be anywhere right now, it would be a place where time was of no importance." He looked around. "Apparently not..."

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
He scowled. "Is this Dumbledore the Order's commander? If so, I fail to see where harassment enters into it. Command officers are permitted some leeway in - recreational activities."

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
That got a mirthless laugh from Crais. He thought of the place where his old life ended. "The Gammak Base."

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Crais' jaw slackened with boredom as he composed an answer to this one. "I am the wrong person to offer an opinion. Neither the farming commune where I spent my childhood nor the Peacekeepers believe in taking lifelong mates. Nor were we taught much in the way of mythology. Both cultures prized utility over poetry, in their own ways."

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"Your junior officers are not trying hard enough to process it in a timely fashion." He smiled ferally. "It's not a problem I've often had. Peacekeeper Command strongly discourages its officers from not trying hard enough."

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
"But I am useless," he said tightly. "In the sense that I do not allow myself to be used. Not even any longer by the Peacekeepers. I possess the skills and talents the military drummed into me over three-quarters of my life, including combat, weaponry, strategy, diplomacy and politics, even a certain facility with scientific theory though I am not a tech. But on the whole I now apply those in my own sovereign interests."

Crais paused, thinking of what he'd told Crichton when he lay out the plan to free Moya and her crew from Scorpius' grasp. "However. I have lately found that there is in fact a limit to how far I will go in my self-interest."

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
Crais gestured to the pile of uniform pieces in the chair. "Peacekeeper issue. I have no more use for them. For the time being I prefer to keep my sidearm, at least so long as it has a reserve of chakan oil."

He reached to the back of his neck again and withdrew a small metal plug, and pain shadowed his face again. "I would offer you the Hand of Friendship, but it's of no real value to anyone but myself and the DRD any longer."

"I have read the [livejournal.com profile] hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG.__BC__
I have read the [livejournal.com profile] hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them.__BC_.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. __BC__.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. _as long as it's not Scorpius_BC__"

((Crais' arrival has been approved by Chiana-mun and Aeryn-mun - thanks guys!))
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