Foxxy Love, Drawn Together

[lalalabia.livejournal.com]

The front door slams open, to reveal a lovely dark skinned girl, dressed in a red off the shoulder tube top type of thing, and red short shorts, her thong riding up to her hipbones. Cause it's sexy. Not to mention the full luxurious fox tail dangling from her rear, and a red hat with fox ears. It can only be one person-

"Foxy Foxxy Love, y'all!" As she bursts into the sorting room, spinning a couple of times, then striking a sexy pose. "Captain Hero? Waldor? Anybody?" The tail begins to droop as she continues to look around the room, seeing none of the housemates. "What is this y'all? Some kinda trick or somethin'?"

Her eyes scan across the questionaire, as she plays with her tail bervously. "i dunno y'all, i ain't doin' no good at no tests." Much to her surprise, the words are written on the scroll by a moving pen. Which is good, cause Foxxy can't spell.

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?Mhmmm, Foxxy Love loves a good solid hunk o'chedda. Mhmm-hmm!"

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?"Oohhh, that do be a hard one! I'da have to go with Barney, cause you just dohn know what kinda evil thing is unda that there suit it could even be a" shudder "Human!"

3. What time is it where you are? "It's always Foxxy time!"

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black. "oooh, hunny, it ain't sexual harassment if'n they enjoy it." At which point she turns towards the camera, her face a model of sadness. "Least, that's what I keep tellin myself."

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark. "Foxxys lovin!"

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument. "Why let those poor boys go to the gay, when they could have me, instead? Foxxy Love loves herself some redhaired boys."

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it. "Foxy just don't know.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless. "Well, there's my singin, and my lovin, and, well, I'm Foxxy Love!"

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. "Oooh." The girl turns on one foot, studying the room, a sultry smile on her face. "Well, all Foxxy Loves got to give is Foxxy love, and there's plenty of that to go around!

"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ____FL________
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ___FL________.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers (which Foxxy don't wear) in a bunch. ____FL_______.
One day, Funk will rule the world. _______FL______"

Comments

[mischief-fred.livejournal.com]

Fred wasn't quite sure he had understood that. He frowned, trying to work out the meanings of 'shitter' (he was wise enough to have more than an inkling about that one despite the relatively pure upbringing Molly and Arthur had given him) and 'blow it off'.

Wait a minute, what the....

It took a lot to scandalise Fred Weasley. A lot. And in a few short sentences, Foxxy had managed to do it.

Recoiling so hard that he completely pulled away from Foxxy, he looked at her in horror. "Now why would a bird like that sort of thing?" he asked, the shock evident in his voice.

[lalalabia.livejournal.com]

"It feels really good, if'n the guy does it right." Cut to the confessional booth, later on "And if he doesn;'t, the lawsuit gets you set for life! Thank you, R. Kelly."

[mischief-fred.livejournal.com]

There was a moment of silence, and then, "You're nutters," Fred pronounced definitively. "I didn't realise there was a wrong way to screw a bird up the arse and clock her in the back of the head." Not that he really wanted to know more about it, but still, it was true!

[lalalabia.livejournal.com]

"Well, sure there is! But why would you wanna know about that?" She shakes her head. "You white kids, sure are funny. You don't like the sexin?"

[mischief-fred.livejournal.com]

"Of course I like the sexin'!" The word sounded very strange in Fred's British accent. "C'mon, now, I'm a bloke, and blokes love the sexin'! Just not...when it involves a fist to the back of someone's head, you know?"

Wait a minute. Fred smelled an opportunity. Well, he smelled something more than that, but he was pretty sure he didn't want to know just what else that something was.

"Would you have any interest in Weasley's Wizard Wheezes adult prank products? We've got Lubrication Lollies, Warming Wands, Pure Pleasure Pants, and Tickling Trousers (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/1120086.html?thread=56741974#t56741974), as well as our new flagship product, U-NO-LUBE, for when you think someone needs to be a little bit drier!"

[lalalabia.livejournal.com]

"Oooh, U-No-lube? Foxxy Love could use a bit of that, she gets some of those little problems." Edited in later will be a scene of a winged hot dog flying down a long hallway.

"I could give ya some lessons, in return..."

[mischief-fred.livejournal.com]

Fred cocked an eyebrow. "What sort of lessons?" He sincerely hoped this had nothing to do with Donkey Punches.

[lalalabia.livejournal.com]

"How to please a woman?" Well prepared for an outburst, she holds up a hand "Even a non-kinky woman."

Vote: Ravenclaw

[mischief-fred.livejournal.com]

Now Fred laughed. "Haven't got any trouble in that area." Not that Fred was a manho, but he had gone to the Yule Ball with the lovely Angelina Johnson, for Merlin's sake! And done other things! "But if I ever need any lessons, I certainly know who I'll go to."

The only way Fred would go to Foxxy Love for sex lessons was if he desperately needed them and the only other person available was his own mother.

"Meanwhile, I think you'll do well in Ravenclaw." Fred had heard the rumours about the sexual prowess of Professor Homsar, and he looked to be the type who could take a good fist in case Foxxy Love decided to perpetrate the Donkey Punch on someone else. If anything, her hand would sink right in, he reckoned - no harm done. "And I'll make sure to owl you a Weasley's Wizard Wheezes catalog, including our adult products. Blow-Job Bon-Bons are currently on sale for 69% of their usual price!"

Re: Vote: Ravenclaw

[lalalabia.livejournal.com]

"Blow job whut?" This honkey is craaazeee.

Re: Vote: Ravenclaw

[mischief-fred.livejournal.com]

"Blow-Job Bon-Bons! Eat one, and the next bloke you give a blow to will feel a very special warming sensation along his willy!"

What Fred neglected to mention is that said bloke would also sprout flowers where his pubic hair once was, but hey, it was more fun when it was a surprise!

Re: Vote: Ravenclaw

[lalalabia.livejournal.com]

"oooh, i want so much of yer stuff." She twitches her tail some. "Can't wait ta make some money."

Re: Vote: Ravenclaw

[mischief-fred.livejournal.com]

Fred would have warned her against reselling Weasley's Wizard Wheezes products, but he reckoned that's not quite what she was referring to. And he really didn't want to know.

But yay, a potentially lucrative customer! "Right, well, I'll make sure you get a catalog, then!"

Re: Vote: Ravenclaw

[lalalabia.livejournal.com]

"And, uh, y'know, if you ever need anyone ta host toy parties, I'm a real good at demonstrations." She shakes her upper half to prove it.

Re: Vote: Ravenclaw

[mischief-fred.livejournal.com]

"I will keep that in mind," Fred said brightly, with a wide grin, and then he hightailed it out of there before Foxxy could shake anything else at him.