As Sirius looked at her, saw her, the air seemed to catch somewhere in her throat. Grey eyes swept across her face, and, in an instant, she felt naked and exposed, completely vulnerable without anywhere to hide or protect herself.
So many people interacted with Lily every day. Even in a school as large as Hogwarts, it was the rare student who she didn't at least recognize by sight. Most everyone she encountered was met with a smile or a cuppa; any favour asked was given time and attention, no matter what was happening in her own life. But few people actually knew her. As much as she cared and watched and struggled to understand the people around her, Lily kept people around her at a distance. It wasn't anything to do with the war or her experiences since she'd come back. Lily had always been that way - slightly held apart, watching and observing but rarely allowing anyone close. She cared, intensely, and perhaps that caring forced her to build walls, to protect herself as best she could.
It had been a long time - since James, at least - since someone had looked at her and really seen her. Since the walls hadn't been enough, and someone had found a way to break through. It made her want to look away, to shutter herself off and keep all those dark corners unlit, out of Sirius' intense gaze. The entire feeling of being vulnerable and exposed was disturbing in its unfamiliarity. Lily wanted to hide again, to keep safe and curled in on herself.
But, instead, she let her eyes be held by his, raising her chin slightly and tightening her fingers around his own. And she let him see her. All the barriers down, she allowed herself to be bare and unguarded under his eyes. It was terrifying and heartwrenching and Lily didn't flinch from it. He saw her, he knew her, for what was quite possibly the first time, and she held nothing back. It only lasted a minute, but in that time Sirius saw to the heart of her.
And then he looked away and Lily let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. In the next moment his arms were around her and she allowed herself to melt into him, breathing in deeply his familiar scent that she'd missed so wretchedly. Remembering how his body felt against hers. Arms sliding around Sirius' waist she just closed her eyes and stood there quietly, being with him more fully than she'd ever let herself.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2007-06-05 12:13 am (UTC)So many people interacted with Lily every day. Even in a school as large as Hogwarts, it was the rare student who she didn't at least recognize by sight. Most everyone she encountered was met with a smile or a cuppa; any favour asked was given time and attention, no matter what was happening in her own life. But few people actually knew her. As much as she cared and watched and struggled to understand the people around her, Lily kept people around her at a distance. It wasn't anything to do with the war or her experiences since she'd come back. Lily had always been that way - slightly held apart, watching and observing but rarely allowing anyone close. She cared, intensely, and perhaps that caring forced her to build walls, to protect herself as best she could.
It had been a long time - since James, at least - since someone had looked at her and really seen her. Since the walls hadn't been enough, and someone had found a way to break through. It made her want to look away, to shutter herself off and keep all those dark corners unlit, out of Sirius' intense gaze. The entire feeling of being vulnerable and exposed was disturbing in its unfamiliarity. Lily wanted to hide again, to keep safe and curled in on herself.
But, instead, she let her eyes be held by his, raising her chin slightly and tightening her fingers around his own. And she let him see her. All the barriers down, she allowed herself to be bare and unguarded under his eyes. It was terrifying and heartwrenching and Lily didn't flinch from it. He saw her, he knew her, for what was quite possibly the first time, and she held nothing back. It only lasted a minute, but in that time Sirius saw to the heart of her.
And then he looked away and Lily let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. In the next moment his arms were around her and she allowed herself to melt into him, breathing in deeply his familiar scent that she'd missed so wretchedly. Remembering how his body felt against hers. Arms sliding around Sirius' waist she just closed her eyes and stood there quietly, being with him more fully than she'd ever let herself.
"Let's go home, Black."