"STOP." The word burst from her lips before she could stop it, and she turned to face him, chest heaving. "Just stop, Sirius."
It was enough. He'd pushed her far enough. "You're not listening to me. You don't love me. If you did, you'd shut the fuck up and hear what I'm telling you. I want you to leave me alone. I want you to stop owling me."
She stalked back to him, angry and tired and missing him so badly it hurt. "Do you have any idea what you did to me? I lost my best friend, Sirius. You didn't tell me because you thought I'd be fucking uncomfortable? You don't get it. You did ruin our friendship. Right then. Because you left, Sirius. I was going through hell, and all we did was fight. If you even were there. I sat beside you after James. I never once asked you for a thing. And then I needed you and you fucked me and left."
Tears were flowing freely down her cheeks, now, and her mouth was pulled down into a desperate frown. She dropped to her knees in front of him. "So I am begging you, Sirius," she whispered roughly. "Leave me alone. Let me do whatever I need to do to fix what you broke. Because I do love you, still. And I wish to God I didn't. If there was a potion or a spell I could do to take it away, I would. Because it hurts so damn bad that I don't know how I'm still breathing."
Her green eyes were hard and filled with the pain she couldn't hold back anymore. "Because you didn't lose me, Sirius. I lost you. And all this time, I thought you were it. But it was a lie. I can't trust you. The Sirius I knew - the man I loved - couldn't have done that. So please. Leave me alone."
For a second she stared at him, eyes sweeping his face. Then, standing, she silently turned and walked away.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2007-05-30 04:46 am (UTC)It was enough. He'd pushed her far enough. "You're not listening to me. You don't love me. If you did, you'd shut the fuck up and hear what I'm telling you. I want you to leave me alone. I want you to stop owling me."
She stalked back to him, angry and tired and missing him so badly it hurt. "Do you have any idea what you did to me? I lost my best friend, Sirius. You didn't tell me because you thought I'd be fucking uncomfortable? You don't get it. You did ruin our friendship. Right then. Because you left, Sirius. I was going through hell, and all we did was fight. If you even were there. I sat beside you after James. I never once asked you for a thing. And then I needed you and you fucked me and left."
Tears were flowing freely down her cheeks, now, and her mouth was pulled down into a desperate frown. She dropped to her knees in front of him. "So I am begging you, Sirius," she whispered roughly. "Leave me alone. Let me do whatever I need to do to fix what you broke. Because I do love you, still. And I wish to God I didn't. If there was a potion or a spell I could do to take it away, I would. Because it hurts so damn bad that I don't know how I'm still breathing."
Her green eyes were hard and filled with the pain she couldn't hold back anymore. "Because you didn't lose me, Sirius. I lost you. And all this time, I thought you were it. But it was a lie. I can't trust you. The Sirius I knew - the man I loved - couldn't have done that. So please. Leave me alone."
For a second she stared at him, eyes sweeping his face. Then, standing, she silently turned and walked away.