Application for Damien Thorn

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
The cheddar from Thorn Industries, of course! We use only the best soy in our food products.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
I wouldn't kill anyone. However, it would be a terrible misfortune if my dog was to get loose in the vicinity of either of them. I believe he would go after Carrottop first.

3. What time is it where you are?
6:24, if you must know. I do not care for people who have to rely on others to know what is going on around them.

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Harassment is so...crass. I prefer to think of it as enjoying darker forms of human desires. n Pleasure and pain are truly one in sex. Why would I deny this exquisite form of torture to any member of the Order?

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
The Crown of Thorns.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Harry should marry Fred and keep George as his lover. When he gets bored with the arrangement, he can swap them out.

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
You keep putting paper on the desk, obviously.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
I am the CEO of a global corporation, an Ambassador, and the Antichrist. I can control animals and the weak minded with the strength of my will. The powers of Hell are at my command. I also throw fantastic parties.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
I could offer you your deepest, darkest fantasies and perversions, but I see that has already been done. I strive to be unique, so instead I offer you forgiveness. Your sins are no longer marks on your soul, but instead are glorious praises to my Father. When I take over Heaven, Hell, and Earth, you shall be rewarded for your crimes. For what man's virtues outweigh his sins?

If THAT doesn't work, I ran across a Girl Scout troop this afternoon. You can have the Girl Scouts or the cookies, I don't care which.

If I may, I'd like to offer a few more items to my bribe. I have a small collection of knives, a few extremly rare artifacts, and several antique books on Biblical history.

Comments

[ginevram.livejournal.com]

I thought I might have found you interesting, but unfortunately not.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

You have such a pretty face. It'll be a shame when it's eaten.

(http://photobucket.com)

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

Sorry, if it's eaten.

[ginevram.livejournal.com]

It would be better if it weren't. I think at least a few people around here might miss it. I don't really mean to be rude, Mr. Thorn. It's simply a matter of your being a friend of my enemies.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

*calls back the dogs*

My apologies, then. While I do not care for those who stand in my way, I understand not wanting to aide your enemies.

[ginevram.livejournal.com]

Oh, I don't mean to stand in your way, as long as aiding my enemies isn't your goal. I just noticed they all seemed to make friends with you, really fast, and that always makes me suspicious.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

You have a good head on your shoulders, then.

[ginevram.livejournal.com]

You're the second person who's told me that today.

I may just reconsider my squib vote for you. Especially if you really aren't allied with anyone here, or at least not really allied with Professor Voldemort and Tom Riddle.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

Odd. Take it to heart.

I'm not allied with Voldemort and Riddle. While we have exchanged pleasantries, they serve me no purpose right now. We spent most of the time talking about my Father, actually.

[ginevram.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I will. It certainly makes me think I'm on the right course, finally.

In that case, I will definitely retract my squib vote. Since we've had a chance to talk, I actually think it might be good to have you in my House. Too many of its members are aligned in one sort of faction, and you don't seem easily persuaded.

Is your father an especially powerful Wizard? Did he attend Hogwarts, as well?

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

He's the ruler of Hell.

[ginevram.livejournal.com]

Oh, so he's a god, then. Does that make you a god, as well? I already worship one Great and Magnificent God, Cthulhu, but I have respect for all of them.

[basilisk-lord1.livejournal.com]

*ready to defend Ginny from any dog-attack or any attack as need be*

*then reads the rest of the conversation and gives Ginny a Very Promising Look before taking off*

[ginevram.livejournal.com]

*is very grateful for the offer of defense*

*wonders just exactly what that look is promising*