hh_mirror | Application for Damien Thorn

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
The cheddar from Thorn Industries, of course! We use only the best soy in our food products.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
I wouldn't kill anyone. However, it would be a terrible misfortune if my dog was to get loose in the vicinity of either of them. I believe he would go after Carrottop first.

3. What time is it where you are?
6:24, if you must know. I do not care for people who have to rely on others to know what is going on around them.

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Harassment is so...crass. I prefer to think of it as enjoying darker forms of human desires. n Pleasure and pain are truly one in sex. Why would I deny this exquisite form of torture to any member of the Order?

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
The Crown of Thorns.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Harry should marry Fred and keep George as his lover. When he gets bored with the arrangement, he can swap them out.

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
You keep putting paper on the desk, obviously.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
I am the CEO of a global corporation, an Ambassador, and the Antichrist. I can control animals and the weak minded with the strength of my will. The powers of Hell are at my command. I also throw fantastic parties.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
I could offer you your deepest, darkest fantasies and perversions, but I see that has already been done. I strive to be unique, so instead I offer you forgiveness. Your sins are no longer marks on your soul, but instead are glorious praises to my Father. When I take over Heaven, Hell, and Earth, you shall be rewarded for your crimes. For what man's virtues outweigh his sins?

If THAT doesn't work, I ran across a Girl Scout troop this afternoon. You can have the Girl Scouts or the cookies, I don't care which.

If I may, I'd like to offer a few more items to my bribe. I have a small collection of knives, a few extremly rare artifacts, and several antique books on Biblical history.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Yes, my timing does seem to be extremely bad. Is there anything I can offer you to change your mind?

...interesting turn of phrase, actually. Since my mind and its need for alteration is the issue I so often face. But I don't intend to discuss that with you.

Or to put it simply, no.

That's a shame. Changing minds is one of my specialties.

Which is enough for me to consider changing my vote to squib.

I never said I would change your mind.

You're not going to.

Nny, you recall that you said that if there was a person that I wanted voted into Hufflepuff, you would vote them there, correct?

...all right. But because you asked, my opinion hasn't changed.

Thank you.

If he gives me what he has promised to, this shall prove to have been quite important to me.
If not, I have other ideas for what to do with him as it is.

You're welcome. I... try not to break my word, after all.

~~This should be interesting.~~

It's quite good of you.

~~He said that he could give me a certain item in several days. The time limit causes me to retain some suspicions, but should it go through, it will be well worth it.~~

~~I don't know, he seems like even more of a jerk than his father. At least he's not dressed as a cheerleader. See if he can get you any hellbagels.~~

He might be Squibbed all the same; if not, I think we can think of something to do with him, should he not give me the item.

You should note that to him. My slim chances at getting what I want might drop to a remarkably low level, if I insinuated that I could also be moved by bagels.

~~Honestly, I don't want anything to do with him. He's smarmier than Steerpike.~~

~~Well, I don't think that you'll have to deal with him too much.~~

~~I know. I still don't have to like him.~~

Oh, of course not. I'm not sure that he's a friend of mine, either.
But I can use him, can't I?

~~Well, of course. That's your call.~~

Application for Damien Thorn

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