Application for Damien Thorn

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
The cheddar from Thorn Industries, of course! We use only the best soy in our food products.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
I wouldn't kill anyone. However, it would be a terrible misfortune if my dog was to get loose in the vicinity of either of them. I believe he would go after Carrottop first.

3. What time is it where you are?
6:24, if you must know. I do not care for people who have to rely on others to know what is going on around them.

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Harassment is so...crass. I prefer to think of it as enjoying darker forms of human desires. n Pleasure and pain are truly one in sex. Why would I deny this exquisite form of torture to any member of the Order?

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
The Crown of Thorns.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Harry should marry Fred and keep George as his lover. When he gets bored with the arrangement, he can swap them out.

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
You keep putting paper on the desk, obviously.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
I am the CEO of a global corporation, an Ambassador, and the Antichrist. I can control animals and the weak minded with the strength of my will. The powers of Hell are at my command. I also throw fantastic parties.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
I could offer you your deepest, darkest fantasies and perversions, but I see that has already been done. I strive to be unique, so instead I offer you forgiveness. Your sins are no longer marks on your soul, but instead are glorious praises to my Father. When I take over Heaven, Hell, and Earth, you shall be rewarded for your crimes. For what man's virtues outweigh his sins?

If THAT doesn't work, I ran across a Girl Scout troop this afternoon. You can have the Girl Scouts or the cookies, I don't care which.

If I may, I'd like to offer a few more items to my bribe. I have a small collection of knives, a few extremly rare artifacts, and several antique books on Biblical history.

Comments

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

But wouldn't it also be accurate to say you're cunning, amibitious and on the ruthless side?

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

It would, but I wouldn't have gotten to where I am today without hard work and the help of friends and family. It is the love of people like my aunt who got me here, and I want to honor their memory.

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

How cute. And here I was worried about you taking advantage of Hufflepuff loyalty to turn them into your personal army of minions.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

Thought never crossed my mind.

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

I'm so ashamed of my own paranoia. Really. I dread to think what your opinion of me must be.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

Right now, a very high one. I respect people who ask questions and dig for details before making a decision.

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

How flattering. I'd inquire if that was your intent, but then I'd really look paranoid.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

That's a question you wouldn't get an answer to.

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

Lack of an answer usually means confirmation, though. Isn't that a bit of a giveaway?

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

Well, yes. But who knows, I may be telling you the truth. Nothing breeds paranoia like a kernel of truth among the lies.

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

There's always that, but on the other hand, paranoia is rarely the wrong path to take. Better safe than sorry, or so the saying goes.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

Very true, which is why the paranoid tend to live a lot longer.

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

But in such a stressful state. Really, I'm not sure it's worth living if you spend every second of your life glancing over your shoulder to see who's about to stab you in the back.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

You could always move blindly forward in the hope that no one will find you interesting enough to kill.

[lord-of-dragons.livejournal.com]

Unless that's the conclusion he wants you to reach.

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

Thought of that, thanks.

[lord-of-dragons.livejournal.com]

Of course.

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

No worries, then.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

When the fall of Man comes, it will be because someone couldn't be bothered to ask questions.

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

What, you wouldn't take the credit for it?

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

Well, everyone would know soon enough. Why tip my hand?

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

For the pleasure of being the very first one to state the should-be-obvious.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

Sorry, the sarcasm meter runs a bit low on Sundays.

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

Pity.

...Though, in the interests of fairness, I'm not trying to be antagonistic, and I apologize if it comes off that way.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

Oh, I know.