(no subject)

[unforetold.livejournal.com]

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Nothing goes with a glass of Chateau Pétrus quite like a wedge of Edam.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
That decision would rest in the hands of my employer. I don’t perform my services without some form of compensation. Ridding the world of another hackneyed entertainment icon would provide some compensation in and of itself, I must admit, but the market value of one’s services does tend to go down if one begins handing out free samples, and that I can’t have.

3. What time is it where you are?
23:21:47

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
The purpose in harassing someone is to cause him to lose his cool. He then becomes more violent and less logical. Therefore I must select someone with little physical prowess, ideally someone who depends mostly on logic to survive. Would Miss Granger be counted yet as a member of the Order? She does seem an ideal target, though currently an entirely pointless one, as she has nothing I want. Perhaps this would be a useful method to employ after she has acquired one of the Horcruxes.

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
I’m afraid bartending is a bit pedestrian for me in terms of occupation. If the job is necessary for cover, then so be it, but the name of the hypothetical establishment remains irrelevant.

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
You fail to mention that you are also constantly bringing new paperwork in. I suspect that might have something to do with your problem. If it is not you who is doing so, then I suggest setting up some discreet surveillance in order for full assessment of the situation.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
As I said, I only perform my services in return for compensation. Pleasing the members of this community would, I believe, be adequate in that regard. I have worked for the best and outlived most of them. If you need anything acquired, or anyone disposed of, I am at your service. So long as that Bristow chit stays out of the way.