hh_mirror | Michael Kelso - That 70's show

Life is a funny thing. One minute, you're loading a bunch of your friends star wars toys into a crate, to ring them out to your car, to bring them to some kid who said he'd give you a 20 for them.Next thing you know you're...Not.

For most people this might have been disturbing, being hurdled through space and time. but for Michael Kelso it was "sweet". He was used to being confused, after all.

Kelso set down the crate of toys, and found his way over to the application. Luckily, he was without a pen, and chose to answer out loud, speaking directly to the paper. I say luckily because Kelso's skills in penmanship and spelling were...well. Lets just say 'questionable at best'.

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

"Is this about Todd? Because I totally could have kicked his ass if I hadn't had a tonsil..ectim...itri...osis earlier that day."

"Oh, and if this isn't about Todd, Gouda. Hehehe. cause its so goud...a. GET IT? GET IT?"

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

"Woah, woah, woah. First of all, I don't know who either of these guys are, and second of all, which one of them is going to give me a ride to the mall later, because not that one."

3. What time is it where you are?

"May. Wait, Time? Yeah, May."

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

"I would never sexually harass anyone but my own beautiful girlfriend Jackie Burkhart who is the only girl for me, because that would be cheating and I know now that cheating is wrong. Unless she isn't here, in which case, Farrah Fawcett."

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

"Okay. Okay. I've got one. Kelso's."

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

"Whichever one is a girl. Unless its George Lucas. In which case him cause he is SO RICH."

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

"I have the same problem. No matter how many times I tell my teachers I don't need homework, cause I'm gonna get by on my looks, they keep giving it to me anyway.Its like they're jealous of my boyish charm and stunningly well defined abs. I tell you sometimes this body is a curse."
D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

"Uh....Well I make people smarter. People are always telling me that. They say just standin around having a conversation with me makes them realize how smart they really are. I think It might be some kind of psychic ability on my part. Its like I just smarterize them."

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

"Well I've got this box full of Eric's toys. I mean...They're not Eri..Yeah, no, they're Eric's."
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. _____MK_______
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ____MK_______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ______MK_____.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ______MK_______"

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

(( *is a puddle of squee* ))

Sarah approaches Kelso, a smile twitching the corner of her mouth. "What kind of toys are these ones that belong to 'Eric'?" She says it as though she might possibly think they don't belong to an Eric at all.

Azusa waved at the box. Not at the toys inside--she couldn't care less about those--just at the box.

"Hello Pierre!" she crooned in a baby voice, "Oh-ho, you're so cuuuuute! Pierre, Pierre!"

Azusa turned to the young man beside it, pouting. "How is Azusa supposed to take Pierre back to Ravenclaw Tower with her when you're keeping all that junk inside of him?"

((OMG. O. M. G. Yes. I love you.))

So, to sum up: Cute, but dumb. On the other hand, he was apparently taken, and Bombalurina always felt that was an extra thrill. She smiled, approaching Kelso in her slow, seductive saunter.

"Now that body doesn't seem like a curse to me, darling," she purred, looking him up and down.

"They used to belong to Eric. Finders keepers"

And Kelso definitely found them. In Eric's closet. Minor detail.

"And they're only models from the best movie ever."

Um. Hi. *waves* You wouldn't happen to be related to a guy name of Bobby Briggs, would you? Separated at birth? Second cousins once removed? Cosmic twinsies? Anything?

"Okay, This isn't a Pierre. Its a Milk Crate. And its made in the U S of A, so if it's got a name its probably Joe. Or Kelso."

*scowls*

Do I understand that the absence of your Miss Burkhart is the only temptation required to induce you to betray her with this Miss Fawcett?

"Right? but it is. It's like, okay, There's Good looking people, like me, and you, and Daisy Duke, and then theres math teachers, and assistant managers at fatso burger who want to keep the good looking people down, because they can't keep up."

he ran a hand through his hair there, for emphasis

"Which is really unfair because I never asked to be this good looking. It just sort of comes to me."

"No I'm only related to Kelsos."

Kelso shook his head. Blondes.

Orient peers into the box and immediately perks up. "Okay, not that I know anything about this, but are those genuine original series first-run toys? From the early 80s?"

"Can you make me smarter, too?" Osaka knows she's not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree, and she wants to be smart for at least a little while and impress Ed, Hermione, and Chiyo if she was here. "I'm good at marine biology but not too much else, and I think I'd like to see what it's like to be smarter in general."

"Well I'd ask Jackie to come too, but every time I bring it up she hits me."

"Pity about that girlfriend."

"Oh Yeah sure. The eighties. I've got Toys from the future."

"... oh holy shit, are these the early run after A New Hope?" Okay, now he's kind of... well, not excited. He would never be that much of a nerd. But.

"... what do you want for'em? I mean, what house do you want to be in?"

"Is there a house for hot chicks? because I am SO THERE."

Y'know, that's like wow, 'cause you just wouldn't believe the resemblance?

Also? I have no idea what to do with you.

He looked a bit dubious. "... maybe Sparklypoo, but you really don't want to be there."

"Okay yeah, But I'm warning you. I don't know how it is my power works. it just... you know works. You just have to stand next to me for a while and see what happens."

Astonishing. Is this typical of the regard shown to young women with whom one has formed an attachment in this day and age?

Bombalurina knew damn well she was good-looking. Too well, really. Still she looked a bit smug at him actually saying it, and she smiled contentedly, twirling a strand of red hair between her fingers.

"You poor thing," she cooed, humouring him. "I completely understand. People often get jealous of me too. Really, it is a horrid conspiracy." She gave him a pat on the shoulder, (perhaps squeezing it a bit too intimately, because she was Bombalurina, and that was just what she did) and then withdrew her hand.

"So what brings you to Hogwarts then, hon?" she asked smoothly.

"Are there hot chicks in it?"

Osaka nods and stands next to him for a while. She certainly doesn't feel any smarter. She waits for a little longer, then looks up at him. "Is it working yet?"

"The what with the who now?"

"... well, for a given definition of 'hot'."

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Michael Kelso - That 70's show

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