hh_mirror | the quest for chocolate chip cookies (semi-open RP)

In an unfortunate and, indeed, mortifying incident, Jack had eaten a magic chocolate chip cookie, and ended up talking in a a strange American lingo. Even more mortifyingly, he had been overheard by a young girl, who seemed peculiarly fascinated by his new, inadvertent tendency to insert swear words in every other sentence.

He wanted more of the cookies, but dared not eat any more of the magic ones. Feeling protective (after all, he was responsible for many young lives aboard his ship), he also wanted to keep the girl from eating any of the magic ones herself. So he was headed down to the kitchen to see if he could talk the house-elves into making some unadulterated cookies, and had managed to ask the girl if she wanted to come along.

As he walked along, he realized he had neglected to introduce himself. Wincing as he always did now every time he opened his mouth, he turned to the girl and said, "Yo, kid, my name's Captain Jack Aubrey. What's yours?" Two whole sentences without swearing! He was quite pleased with himself.

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'Permanent Rose Casson,' she answers, twirling her hands. 'Why're you a Captain?'

"'Cos I'm the motherfuckin' man." What the HELL did that mean? He facepalmed and tried again. "'Cos I'm in the Navy, yo, and I kicked a lot of Frenchie ass and I got freakin' promoted, man." That made slightly more sense. "Man, what sort of a name is Permanent? That's a freakin' weird-ass name right there." Apparently the cookie made him rude as well. He sighed and wondered if he would have to owl Stephen about getting a counter-spell. He hoped the cookie's spell didn't extend to writing as well.

Rose absolutely glowers at him. 'My Mummy's type, is what,' she says, hurt. 'And you're being rude about French people. And their bottoms. I think you should give them cookies, too.'

"Yo, I'm sorry, it's just -" Jack was feeling extremely helpless. "Dude, it's the cookie, I can't fuckin' talk right. I'm not tryin' to be an asshole, man. Permanent is a totally awesome name. And French people? Totally kick-ass fighters, man." This lingo seemed strangely fixated on bottoms, he thought.

Rose isn't an expert, but she does what she can.

'Thank you,' she replies, slightly mollified, and rubs Jack out from the mural in her head. (He was being fed to the Dalek).

'What about Italians?'

"Man, they got totally pwned by Buonaparte. Poor dudes." Jack shook his head sadly, wondering how "pwned" was spelled. No doubt he would have been relieved to know that he would not be fed to the Dalek, if he knew what a Dalek was.

'But now they have Siena and angels. So.'

Rose wriggles her nose and cracks her fingers high above her head. 'My sister has a stone angel, you know.'

"That sounds really cool," said Jack agreeably. "I've been, like, all over the Mediterranean - it's pretty awesome." Well, except for the admiral whom he'd cuckolded, which was why he didn't want to be posted there anymore, but he'd sullied the girl's ears enough for the time being.

And Rose has been to America. She says so.

'I've been to New York,' she smiles. 'For Tom. Do you know anyone overseas?'

"Man, I know a shitload of people overseas. I never been to America, though. Is it totally kick-ass there or what?" Again with the asses, he thought. Maybe it referred to donkeys, not bottoms.

It will be immortalized as Captain Jack Mark One's Word to Rose.

'It is colder. And they have teddies with pants made out of flags.'

"Dude, what's a teddy?" Jack inquired. (Teddy bears, named after Theodore Roosevelt, naturally post-dated him.)

Rose laughs. 'It's a soft toy. And normally they're cute.'

Jack nodded. Perhaps he could acquire teddy bears for his daughters. Girls liked that sort of thing, he reckoned.

By this time they had reached the kitchen, and Jack attempted to make himself understood to the house-elves, asking them if they had any of "those tasty-ass biscuit things with the fuckin' chocolate in them, y'know?" After some confusion and consultation, the elves brought a tray of chocolate chip cookies and, oddly, two glasses of milk. Returning to the Great Hall, Jack sat down at the Gryffindor table and tried one of the cookies. It was, indeed, tasty-ass. With his mouth full, he gestured for Rose to try one.

Milk is weird. Rose drinks a bit, plonks herself down, and regards the bicuits.

She dunks one in the milk with gusto, and nibbles the end result.

'Delifious,' she mumbles.

Upon finishing the cookie, and as he was reaching for another one, Jack felt a peculiar change come over him. "I say, these are most capital biscuits," he remarked, and then did a double-take. "Good heavens, I'm talking normally again!" he cried delightedly. "Can you understand me now, Miss Casson?" He even had his normal accent back again. Eating the non-magic cookie must have cancelled out the magical one somehow.

Rose's mouth falls open. Yes, she's still chewing. A few mushy crumbs fall out onto the table.

'Uh-huh,' she nods, and then shuts her mouth hastily. 'Well done you!'

Jack was too delighted even to tell Rose to keep her mouth shut while she ate. Anyway, spending a lot of time around Stephen meant that he was used to messy eaters. "Why, thank you, Miss Casson. God, that was damned exasperating, I must say. I must beg your pardon for my rudeness - I meant no harm, only I could not say what I meant to say. Pray, do all Americans talk like that?" Of course, Jack didn't realize that he was still "talking funny" by modern-day standards.

'Tom didn't,' says Rose, thinking slowly. 'But he wasn't religious...I think he was a bit psychic, he seemed to know I was playing the moving game...'

The moving game was probably conveyed via Indigo, but Tom is obviously magical.

"I say, what's the moving game?" Jack really did want to know, but he was feeling a bit distracted by his newfound ability to speak normally. He ate another cookie, and announced, "Miss Casson, I believe I shall go to that radio room place, and do a WART broadcast, to celebrate that damned magic biscuit wearing off. Would you like to accompany me?"

'Oh, when I'd take some stuff off the shelves and move them around a bit, in shops,' says Rose airily. 'It was a bit easy.'

Her eyes then widen. 'Really? Radio? I'd love to! Oh, yes, let's!'

the quest for chocolate chip cookies (semi-open RP)

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