hh_mirror | Today in Lenneth's kitchen of fail...

In more recent days, Lenneth had steadily come to the realization that she'd never cooked a day in her life. In fact, Platina hadn't done any cooking either. The lack of food, in the home of the Valkyrie's human form, had forced Platina's mother to do the cooking so that no food was wasted. She could only recall that the meals were terrible but at least Platina had been fed.

And now, Lenneth wondered if perhaps she could cook a meal. She spent the better part of the day hunting for books on cooking, and then searching for recipes that didn't appear complicated. There was a pie that looked good but it seemed like it'd be hard. Maybe she'd try that once she got the hang of cooking. And then she found a recipe for tarts that had some kind of "peanut butter cups" placed in them. That one was certainly tempting, so she made a note of that one. And there was the classic chocolate chip cookies.

The goddess obviously chose the easy and well-loved chocolate chip cookies.

It started out well enough. She mixed the batter, poured in the chips and figured out (after about twenty minutes) how to preheat the oven. When the cookies went in, she was careful and then went to do what else she needed. Lenneth wasn't sure how it happened, but her cookies burned... in fire. She yelped and jumped back before fumbling for her wand and putting it out. Sure, she's a goddess and it couldn't hurt her too terribly but it was still a terrible surprise when your cookies catch fire! Even more so when, as you try to put the fire out, the sleeve of your robe catches fire. Her armor had always been so much more convenient. At least she could put the fire out without help.

But cooking was definitely... Not something she'd be trying for a long while.

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((As I don't think Lenneth has met Shoggies- the Shoggies are a bunch of cracky Lovecraftian monsters, able to combine/split apart, so their amount is variable. I've taken to numbering them in order to keep track of who each Shoggy has met and what they've experienced, as Shoggies are highly adaptable and 'learn' by mimicking. They aren't wearing little numbers or anything- it's just for keeping track of them. =D))

Visits to the kitchen by packs of curious Shoggies were frequent occurrences, and today was no different- many of the Hogwarts Shoggies had become fascinated with cooking, or at least what they deduced cooking to be. As Shoggies are exceptionally dumb, and also capable of consuming anything, their deductions were questionable. They of course never considered the fact that creatures who looked very much like moving piles of random organs might not be very welcome in a place of food preparation.

The Shoggies who arrived as Lenneth was extinguishing herself were also determined to try some cooking of their own. They squelched towards one of the many ovens, choosing one near Lenneth- each was carrying a few things in tentacle-like pseudopods, 'ingredients' scavanged from various parts of the castle and its surroundings. "Hi there!" piped Shoggy 11, who lead the amorphous, many-eyed pack. "What are you making?" asked Shoggy 6.6, to which Shoggy 15 added "It smells sooooo good." "We're going to make a sooo cool pie," Shoggy 31 informed Lenneth, as the Shoggies all added their 'ingredients' to a pile near the oven. These consisted of a hunk of unidentifiable meat with some fur still stuck to it, several smallish squashed acromantulas, a can of generic cola, a half-empty package of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans, a hunk of extremely moldy bread, a bar of scented soap, some old plastic bags, an assortment of glass shards, a can of squeezy cheese, and a box of aluminum foil. This box was placed slightly apart from the rest, and was labled "FOR HATS". Most all of the Shoggies had bizarrely ornate aluminum foil hats balanced somewhere upon their shapeless bodies.

Creatures like this were... nothing like Lenneth had encountered before but they were polite. The ingredients they had collected for their pie was questionable to the goddess. She may not know how to cook but how would soap and plastic bags help make a pie?

"I was trying to make cookies. I don't think they came out very good though."

"But they smell sooo good," insisted Shoggy 15. "Burny and delicious for eating," Shoggy 6.6 added. "Like sacrifices in the fires, but, we aren't supposed to make those here. Or we don't get chickens!" The Hogwarts Shoggies were indeed polite- quite unusually so, given that their natural inclination was to eat just about anything that moved. But a tiny 'Elder Thing' (which was in fact a vegetable sort of Pokemon) had told them that eating people at Hogwarts would jeopardize their free chicken supply. Being a genetically engineered slave race, this order had stuck in whatever passed for their Shoggy brains- which obviously didn't work all too well, other than the Eating People = No Buckets of Chicken equation.

"I'm Shoggy!" Shoggy 11 told Lenneth, pointing out the others with temporary pseudopods and introducing them in turn. "And that's Shoggy, and that's Shoggy, and that's Shoggy, and that's Shoggy. . ." Each of the others piped "Hi!" when introduced, and kept on with whatever they were doing. Shoggy 6.6 had begun to layer the glass shards atop a plastic bag, while Shoggy 15 went about coating each shard with a bit of the squeezy cheese. Shoggy 26 1/2 had been searching through the kitchen utensils, and now advanced upon the chunk of meat with a mallet. Shoggy 31 was also rooting through the kitchen, and, had gathered up a cheese grater, a spatula, and a very large cleaver. Shoggy 22 had acquired a large bowl and an ancient-looking hand-cranked mixer. Others were sorting through the 'ingredients' pile, making smaller piles of the assorted items, while others looked through the kitchen for new ingredients to mix into their 'pie'.

"I- I see. Well, as long as you're happy with that alternative to making sacrifices." Lenneth wasn't entirely sure how she felt about sacrifices. Nobody did that on Midgard, as far as she was aware. Which was pretty damn aware actually.

"If the cookies really look good to you, you're welcome to have them." She wasn't going to. And she doubted many other people would even try here.

"We don't care as long as they taste good. No one ever sacrifices much to the Shoggies. But that's ok. If cultists call us we can just eat them. Great Master Cthulhoo gets all the best sacrifices, but we don't mind, because he's a god. We're just the Shoggies," Shoggy 6.6 said, while the rest of the Shoggies carried on with their baking preparations. "Are you a cultist?" asked Shoggy 11. "You're shaped right to be a cultist or a sacrifice and sometimes they're both."

"Sooo cool!" The Shoggies all dropped whatever they were doing and converged upon the burnt cookies with impressive speed for squelching piles of unstable organs. "They do look sooo good, thank you Mastress," piped Shoggy 15.

Lezard Valeth to the rescue — with an ice spell! Never mind that Lenneth managed to put the fire out quite effectively on her own.

"To think of my beloved goddess trying her pretty hand at the domestic arts." He clearly loves the idea. He clearly loves it a little too much, and not in an innocuous way. His voice is all velvet and oil.

A light sigh as she turned towards Lezard.

"It was something I'd never done before. Much like playing the instruments you gave me."

"The instruments I gave you, hmmm? You mean, of course, the features of the beautiful homunculus body I prepared for you, as vessel for your precious soul ..."

He had no recollection of any other gift that could be called an instrument.

Lenneth scowled at the reminder, even more than she she did before the incident with Hrist forced her into said body.

"Hardly! The musical instruments you smuggled into my room." Of course, she doesn't realize yet that he doesn't remember.

Today in Lenneth's kitchen of fail...

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