Happy Birthday, Mikami ((Owl, Mello, Mikami))

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

So, it's that day again. Time to thank the idiot who killed me for being born.

With a house elf, I send a caligraphy quill and a notebook with the following note.

I'm sure you could use the practice.

Comments

[righteous-pen.livejournal.com]

Teru had known the seventh was coming, but he'd been trying not to think about it. It wasn't technically his birthday, his personal timeline not matching up with this universe's, and it was yet another reminder that he should be dead by now.

So, he wasn't particularly thinking of last year (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/1799505.html) until getting the package. The elf who delivered it scurried off before he could ask who it had come from. Frowning, Teru sat down at his desk to open it.

Unfortunately, the first thing he saw was the quill. And the subject of Hogwarts' resident indestructible psychopaths had been on his mind lately. He recoiled so quickly that he ended up on the floor, head spinning with shock and the fact that he'd hit it on the way down. You're not you can't be you've gone you were deleted -

After a few minutes of the box not exploding or doing anything sinister, he regained enough presence of mind to retrieve one of the wards he still carried with him and test for any reaction. Nothing happened. The quill was apparently just a quill. And there was, he now saw, a rather expensive-looking notebook with it.

And a message, this year. He recognised the writing. Even if he hadn't, the tone was familiar enough.

Shortly after that, Mello would recieve an owl.

Don't you have anything better to do with your time?

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

One would think you could have asked yourself that when you were alive and killing people as a hobby, don't you?

[righteous-pen.livejournal.com]

Say that to my face, you

No, he wouldn't send that. Mello would have taken him up on it, and as much as part of Teru would dearly love for that to happen, it would end badly. He didn't need to. That's what Mello wanted.

That's a blatant misrepresentation and you know it. Are you even trying any more?

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

A blatant misrepresentation? Then it was your occupation? You were being paid to kill people. Then, I stand corrected.

[righteous-pen.livejournal.com]

It was my calling. - or, so I believed.

The one who made a profit from death would be you.

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

Really? How do you figure that? I didn't live long enough to collect on that. I wonder why?

[righteous-pen.livejournal.com]

You didn't earn anything as a Mafia leader? Somehow I doubt that.

Don't try to claim the moral high ground over me.

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

Listen, sweetheart, I did things other than pursue you while I was part of the mafia. Pursuing you was my hobby, such as it was, and it was really more about beating Near than catching you.

[righteous-pen.livejournal.com]

Don't call me that. And that's exactly my point. You did do other things. Things that caused the suffering and death of innocent people.

And pursuing me? Here I thought I was nothing more than a mindless lackey, to you.

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

To catch your god, we needed to catch his puppets.

Would you like the full catalog of my 'sins'? Shall I tell you of what I did during my training at Wammy's house, too? Shall I tell you how some of the things I thought up as 'games' resulted in people dying and how I didn't find out until I was in the 'real' world? Would that make you any less guilty of willful and deliberate mass murder?

[righteous-pen.livejournal.com]

I haven't claimed not to be. I know how much guilt I have to bear. But you don't have the right to tell me my faith meant nothing.

And no, I don't need to hear any more of your crimes. Nothing you say seems likely to change my opinion of you.

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

So, you will judge me just the way you judge everyone you killed. Not surprising, when you would have killed me given a chance. You fail to understand the circumstances of those you condemn. You seek the simplest, most basic solution for the disparity between your ideals and reality. You invest as little as possible in examining those discrepancies, using your 'faith' as justification. Change is outside your ability.

[righteous-pen.livejournal.com]

I've changed. You'll never know how much, and I'm sure you don't care. But very well then - tell me your 'circumstances'. Try to change my mind.

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

My circumstances? Very well, you asked for this.

When we were five and seven, we were selected, chosen because of our intelligence and our lack of being impressed by L. We were trained, via scenarios and 'games' to hone our minds, to come up with answers that were accurate and to reach those answers more quickly than anyone else. We designed an 'emergency' hospital system that would minimize staff and maximize patient throughput that I found, after I left, became standard practice. There are other 'games' we played, other scenarios we created that I have found to be in use. We were constantly told to work together and to defeat the other to prove our worth. We were trained to not need sleep as much as normal people, to have an eidetic memory, to always be right, to be computers on legs, to be able to multitask and multifocus because to take over for L, we would have to. We were disposable identities; only replacing L mattered.

[righteous-pen.livejournal.com]

...that actually explained a lot.

Which wasn't the same as justification, Teru thought. Mello could have thought of the suffering his actions would cause, even as a 'computer'. He could have acted against his upbringing, since he was clearly able to recognise it - he could have tried harder...

The pain in his head was growing, and he closed his eyes, fingers twisted in his hair. He couldn't write that, Mello would only accuse him of not understanding, being incapable, again. And he wasn't. He was not worthless.

They trained you against showing humanity.

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

Humanity was liability. Those who showed humanity weren't chosen to succeed.

What's your excuse?

[righteous-pen.livejournal.com]

We've been over that before, haven't we? And you never listened.

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

Ah, yes, you blame your childhood, too. Too bad you weren't shielded from the results of your 'abilities' until it was too late to fix them. It'd be interesting to see what your psyche would do with that; to wish people dead but not know if you succeeded until years later. Would you call it mere coincidence? Bad luck? Or would you still call it a 'gift' from your so-called god.

[righteous-pen.livejournal.com]

I didn't blame my childhood, I credited it. And I don't want to talk about that. Certainly not to you.