The unravelled heart ((Closed RP, A/River))

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River's feet had started walking before her cognition caught up with her brain catching up with her feet. But her head was right where her feet were going: wherever A was. There was a bad, black feeling where a happy, gentle feeling should be. This was abnormal, as well as scary and painful. She went as fast as her feet could take her - which was, in fact, very fast - right to A's door.

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"He needs to learn it. Just because someone wanted you to be like him, doesn't mean you should. You are learning who you are, and he is learning that he can't control everything. It is painful, but a necessary lesson."

[i-am-an-hero.livejournal.com]

"I think I like who I am learning to be," A said hoarsely. "I like being sensei's deshi and Kurama's student, Schrodinger and Einstein's caretaker, so, so many people's friend, and most of all River's boyfriend. Grower of gardens and maker of food. I didn't know it would hurt to let go all the way of being L's successor, even if I never really was."

He curled up against her, still shivering, drawing comfort from her nearness.

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"It's hard to find yourself," she murmured, hugging him close. "But you're doing so well."

[i-am-an-hero.livejournal.com]

"I have a lighthouse now," he said, tipping his face up to hers and stroking her cheek. "Sensei and Kurama give me the tools to find my way, and you light my path."

[biblerewrite.livejournal.com]

River flushed, pleased by the sweetness of that praise. "I'll shine whenever you need me," she promised softly.

[i-am-an-hero.livejournal.com]

"And you'll help me find my way." He ran his fingers through her hair, reassuring himself that she was there, was real, and her comfort was solid and real. "I want to, I, I don't want you to need it, but I want to be strong enough to shine for you someday."

[biblerewrite.livejournal.com]

"You already shine," she smiled. "It's because of you I find my way."

[i-am-an-hero.livejournal.com]

"We'll be beacons for each other," A promised. "We'll keep each other strong." He kissed River's cheek, and Schrodinger butted against her chest, purring. "You've helped me, done so much, I, I needed you so much right now."

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"I'm here for you," she giggled, hugging Schrodinger to her as she hugged A. "For as long as you need whenever you need."

[i-am-an-hero.livejournal.com]

"She is thanking you too," A said with a soft laugh, resting his head on River's shoulder and scritching Schrodinger between the ears. Einstein wound around their ankles adding his more reserved but no less affectionate purrs to the gathering. "I love you," he told her quietly.

[biblerewrite.livejournal.com]

"I love you back," she said back, touched by the sincerity in his voice, the way he was so vulnerable and trusted her enough to say something like that. Love was such a Big word, so strong and so much. "I love you very much, A."

[i-am-an-hero.livejournal.com]

"I know that you can make me feel better when I feel bad. And better when I feel good. I want to always make you feel better because you are near me." He pressed his face to her neck and breathed in her scent, earning him a startled meep from Schrodinger, who found her sitting space disturbed. "I want us to be good for each other."

[biblerewrite.livejournal.com]

River smiled, feeling very unexpected tears in her eyes, but didn't pull away in the slightest, instead leaning in, burying her face in his hair, happy and content to be so close. "We'll balance, like your scales. An equal measure of love."

[i-am-an-hero.livejournal.com]

"Balanced," A agreed firmly. "Like a good recipe," he added with a laugh. "You make things taste bright. You make things bright. Wonderful, beautiful River."

[biblerewrite.livejournal.com]

She giggled, tightening her hug (which was the last straw for Schrodinger, who left her lap to curl up behind them on the bed) and kissing A's cheek. "A makes the world less loud, A is peace."

[i-am-an-hero.livejournal.com]

"I am finding peace. I have more peace here." That was a vast understatement. "Peace is sun in the garden, peace is naps with River and cold lemonade. Peace is purring cats and your smile." And because her neck was so close, he kissed it lightly.

[biblerewrite.livejournal.com]

The kiss tickled, but felt so nice and she wouldn't even dream of pulling away, just happy that A had come back from that dark, sad place and that she was the one to guide him.

[i-am-an-hero.livejournal.com]

"It feels so good to be close to you," he murmured contentedly. "You smell nice, and you feel good in my arms. And just your nearness makes me warm inside."

[biblerewrite.livejournal.com]

"I smell nice?" she laughed, snuggling into his arms. "You smell like growing and life, and I love being near you. It's like being where I'm supposed to be."

[i-am-an-hero.livejournal.com]

He kissed her neck again, just because it had been so nice before. It was lovely, the way it curved.

"It is where you're supposed to be. When we're together we fit, and everything is better. Good things are better when my River is near."

[biblerewrite.livejournal.com]

River smiled, and petted his hair again, very pleased with the-neck kissing, 100% agreeable to anything he said. "As long as you're happy, as long as we're happy together, all is well."

[i-am-an-hero.livejournal.com]

"We'll keep each other happy." He hugged her tightly, still feeling emotionally drained. "I am glad you came."

[biblerewrite.livejournal.com]

"Of course I would," she murmured, kissing his cheek. "I'll try to never leave you when you are sad or hurt."

[i-am-an-hero.livejournal.com]

"We should take care of each other," he said firmly. "Neither of us should be alone when we are sad or hurt. I, I, you know I will always stop what I am doing to be there for you."

[biblerewrite.livejournal.com]

"Always, there for each other. And, for now," she smiled, and cupped A's cheek in her hand. "A is tired, and River is here for him to hold while his mind and heart rest."