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hh_mirror2008-03-08 09:32 pm
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Kratos from God Of War
The last thing Kratos remembered was casting himself off the highest cliff he could find. Or at least attempting to. Where had he ended up now? He saw a strange feather standing at the ready on top of a sheet of parchment.
"What manner of sorcery is this?" The feather wrote down his words.
"Athena!" The feather did so again.
Kratos was annoyed by this feather. "Athenaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..." the feather kept writing 'a' after 'a' after 'a'
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"...aaaaaaaa..." Kratos couldn't continue, he had to stop to breathe. He almost imagined the feather looked smug. But before he could attempt to slash it in into pieces, the questions came.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Kratos raised an eyebrow "What does cheese have to do with any of this? Where in Hades am I? I've completed my tasks! I want to have my nightmares taken away, not talk about cheese! ...Incidentally cheese made from goat's milk isn't too bad."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"If they were brought before me now I would kill both of them as I am extremely frustrated at this situation. If I could only choose one it would be Carrottop as his name sounds more threatening and therefore would more likely be a worthwhile opponent."
3. What time is it where you are?
"Would you not know better than I? Where I am is here. And I do not know where 'here' is. Argh, I feel like turning Medusa's gaze upon myself and just ending this all right now! Flash freezing myself into stone is probably less painful than these questions."
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
"I don't know if I would sexually harass anyone from something called the Order of the Phoenix. Phoenix inherently makes it sound as if far too much chafing would be involved to make it worthwhile."
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"I would have to name it after one of the many monsters I have slain. Perhaps 'The Hydra's Heads' or maybe 'The Skewered Minotaur.' The problem is I've killed a lot of monsters so its hard to pick."
B. Gryffindor ā Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"I do not know who any of these people are. From the names though I can gather that at the very least one of them is incredibly confused about the way marraige is supposed to work. Granted I may not be the best person to talk to about marraige because I, well, accidentally killed my wife."
C. Ravenclaw ā You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though Iām constantly disposing of it.
"Why don't you just kill the people who are bringing you the paperwork? It sounds to me like that would solve the problem. And if anybody protests, kill them as well!"
D. Hufflepuff ā Prove you are not useless.
Kratos screams and the souls of Hades burst forth from his breast, howling in wild abandon. With no discernable target they soon give Kratos and annoyed look and then vanish back into the ether. "Th-thats usually much more impressive!"
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
Kratos does his absolute best to hold back his threats and considers what he could give these people. He wasn't exactly sure why he cared, but at the very least one of them might be able to tell him the way back to Olympus. He reaches into his backpack and pulls forth two golden statues of Muses both about two feet long. "You can have these if you can tell me where I am and what Im doing here!"
I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. K
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. K
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. K
One day, marmalade will rule the world. K
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This he had to learn more about. Time for shop talk!
"I AM BEOWULF," he greeted his fellow hero. "YOU HAVE SLAIN MONSTERS, EH?"
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"I have indeed slain monsters!!" He roared back at the man, unleashing his chaos blades in a purely demonstrative fashion. They whipped and blazed about the room for a few moments before returning to his hands.
He wasn't quite sure why the man was yelling that loud.
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"I TOO AM A SLAYER OF MONSTERS. SWAMP MONSTERS AND BEASTS OF THE SEA ARE MY MOST FREQUENT FOES."
Yes, this was Beowulf's conversational tone. It was what a librarian might have called an 'inside voice', as far as Beowulf was concerned.
"I HAVE WIELDED THE BLADE HRUNTING, YET NEVER HAVE I SEEN BLADES LIKE UNTO YOURS!" That was Beowulf-ese for those are sweet.
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VOTE: GRYFFINDOR!
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The dark elf entered the room, seeing Beowulf already comparing swords and trading monster slaying stories. Even with his vast experience with the dwarves and the barbarian tribes of Icewind Dale, he had yet to get used to socializing over comparing tales. It could have been worse, among drow such tales involved vivid descriptions of torture.
"Another great monster slayer in our midst," Drizzt said, approaching the new warrior.
Drizzt drew his scimitars and spun them around his arms before sheathing them, a typical drow gesture to demonstrate one' skills while communicating diplomacy. His elven sense of subtlety nudged him, though his inborn drow pride allowed for a compromise.
"I am Drizzt Do'Urden," he said, "dragonsbane and slayer of all manner of beasts. Well met, warrior."
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He returned the man's greeting in kind by transforming his blades into a large lightning bolt shaped sword and then back again before sheathing his weapons across his back.
Many questiones formed in his head, but he chose the one that puzzled him the most, "What are you?" In the back of his mind he knew that such a question could easily be construed as rude, but etiquette was the last thing on his mind after being transported to such a strange place.
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His next question put a smile on his face; he was much happier with curiosity about his race than the trepidation or outright hostility he frequently received in Faerun.
"I am a dark elf from the land of Aber-Toril," he said, "commonly called a drow. Mine is a race of ruthless, honorless warriors. I myself, however, am a warrior of valor. And what of you, friend. Are you human or another manner of race unknown to me as of the present?"
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"....Yeahhhh. Say, you wouldn't happen to have a brother that goes by Peacemaker, would you?"
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"I have no family left," replied Kratos, his eyes lingering for a moment on his ash white skin. "What would make you think I was related to this Peacemaker?" He found it amusing to think of himself having anything to do with someone by that name.
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And the same alarms Peacemaker set off in Brenda's psyche - that he'd gladly throw her and her friends under a bus at any moment should he feel the need, allies or not - are ringing their bells now.
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Vote: Gryffindor
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His initial thought was the he must kill this thing, now. But he did not yet know the ways of this world. Perhaps such a thing was an oracle? "I wish to get rid of them so I can sleep for once without being reminded of my sins."
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Vote: Sparklypoo
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....
There were weirder things, but not many. Instead of thinking about it further, Kon read through the application. "...How do you 'accidentally' kill your wife?"
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"When I was under the thrall of Ares I had sacked so many town and villagers I barely knew where in Greece I was anymore. So when we began to attack my own I didn't realize it until too late. And by that time my bloodlust had already claimed the lives of everyone in Athena's humble temple in my town, my wife and child among them."
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...
Yeah.
'I thought Hercules slew the Hydra?' she asks, confused. 'And Theseus the Minotaur? Did I hear wrong?' she adds, because, hey, big scary things bursting out of his chest.
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Kratos let a smile play across his lips. "The minotair I slew was in the Temple of Pandora itself, a chosen guardian of Hades!"
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Vote: Ravenclaw
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There was nothing intentionally judgmental in his tone. One of his best friends (that is, the only one in the general vague area of kinda-sorta-for-a-given-definition-of-friend, and so the best of them by default) had been among other things in charge of plunder.
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"I suppose you could say so, in a way. Though I would never take something from the Gods that they did not willingly provide." The more Kratos praised the Gods since he got here, the more he wondered if he actually felt that way anymore after how he had been treated.
Vote: Gryffindor
Now he regarded the blades and asked, idly, "How many weapons are you trained in?" His own sword and mace hung at his belt.
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"Those are some hot babes." It approves.
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Gryffindor!
Welcome to Gryffindor!