http://chaos-blades.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] chaos-blades.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] hh_mirror2008-03-08 09:32 pm

Kratos from God Of War




The last thing Kratos remembered was casting himself off the highest cliff he could find. Or at least attempting to. Where had he ended up now? He saw a strange feather standing at the ready on top of a sheet of parchment.

"What manner of sorcery is this?" The feather wrote down his words.

"Athena!" The feather did so again.

Kratos was annoyed by this feather. "Athenaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..." the feather kept writing 'a' after 'a' after 'a'

...

"...aaaaaaaa..." Kratos couldn't continue, he had to stop to breathe. He almost imagined the feather looked smug. But before he could attempt to slash it in into pieces, the questions came.

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

Kratos raised an eyebrow "What does cheese have to do with any of this? Where in Hades am I? I've completed my tasks! I want to have my nightmares taken away, not talk about cheese! ...Incidentally cheese made from goat's milk isn't too bad."


2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

"If they were brought before me now I would kill both of them as I am extremely frustrated at this situation. If I could only choose one it would be Carrottop as his name sounds more threatening and therefore would more likely be a worthwhile opponent."


3. What time is it where you are?

"Would you not know better than I? Where I am is here. And I do not know where 'here' is. Argh, I feel like turning Medusa's gaze upon myself and just ending this all right now! Flash freezing myself into stone is probably less painful than these questions."


4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

"I don't know if I would sexually harass anyone from something called the Order of the Phoenix. Phoenix inherently makes it sound as if far too much chafing would be involved to make it worthwhile."


5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

"I would have to name it after one of the many monsters I have slain. Perhaps 'The Hydra's Heads' or maybe 'The Skewered Minotaur.' The problem is I've killed a lot of monsters so its hard to pick."


B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

"I do not know who any of these people are. From the names though I can gather that at the very least one of them is incredibly confused about the way marraige is supposed to work. Granted I may not be the best person to talk to about marraige because I, well, accidentally killed my wife."


C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

"Why don't you just kill the people who are bringing you the paperwork? It sounds to me like that would solve the problem. And if anybody protests, kill them as well!"


D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

Kratos screams and the souls of Hades burst forth from his breast, howling in wild abandon. With no discernable target they soon give Kratos and annoyed look and then vanish back into the ether. "Th-thats usually much more impressive!"


6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

Kratos does his absolute best to hold back his threats and considers what he could give these people. He wasn't exactly sure why he cared, but at the very least one of them might be able to tell him the way back to Olympus. He reaches into his backpack and pulls forth two golden statues of Muses both about two feet long. "You can have these if you can tell me where I am and what Im doing here!"



I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. K
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. K
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. K
One day, marmalade will rule the world. K

[identity profile] iam-beowulf.livejournal.com 2008-03-09 04:44 am (UTC)(link)
Beowulf had just been chatting up an applicant (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/1553452.html?thread=78577452#t78577452) in his urbane and witty fashion. Therefore he was in the vicinity when Kratos appeared and began to do all sorts of very interesting battle moves.

This he had to learn more about. Time for shop talk!

"I AM BEOWULF," he greeted his fellow hero. "YOU HAVE SLAIN MONSTERS, EH?"

[identity profile] iam-beowulf.livejournal.com 2008-03-09 04:55 am (UTC)(link)
Those blades were totally kickass.

"I TOO AM A SLAYER OF MONSTERS. SWAMP MONSTERS AND BEASTS OF THE SEA ARE MY MOST FREQUENT FOES."

Yes, this was Beowulf's conversational tone. It was what a librarian might have called an 'inside voice', as far as Beowulf was concerned.

"I HAVE WIELDED THE BLADE HRUNTING, YET NEVER HAVE I SEEN BLADES LIKE UNTO YOURS!" That was Beowulf-ese for those are sweet.

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[identity profile] twoswordpsycho.livejournal.com 2008-03-09 05:52 am (UTC)(link)
Drizzt saw this one enter the sorting room and just had to pop his head in.

The dark elf entered the room, seeing Beowulf already comparing swords and trading monster slaying stories. Even with his vast experience with the dwarves and the barbarian tribes of Icewind Dale, he had yet to get used to socializing over comparing tales. It could have been worse, among drow such tales involved vivid descriptions of torture.

"Another great monster slayer in our midst," Drizzt said, approaching the new warrior.

Drizzt drew his scimitars and spun them around his arms before sheathing them, a typical drow gesture to demonstrate one' skills while communicating diplomacy. His elven sense of subtlety nudged him, though his inborn drow pride allowed for a compromise.

"I am Drizzt Do'Urden," he said, "dragonsbane and slayer of all manner of beasts. Well met, warrior."

[identity profile] twoswordpsycho.livejournal.com 2008-03-09 06:22 am (UTC)(link)
Drizzt's purple eyes widened slightly at the display of the warrior's weapon, truly a creation of magic with some powerful capabilities.

His next question put a smile on his face; he was much happier with curiosity about his race than the trepidation or outright hostility he frequently received in Faerun.

"I am a dark elf from the land of Aber-Toril," he said, "commonly called a drow. Mine is a race of ruthless, honorless warriors. I myself, however, am a warrior of valor. And what of you, friend. Are you human or another manner of race unknown to me as of the present?"

[identity profile] ibrokeaplanet.livejournal.com 2008-03-09 06:33 am (UTC)(link)
Brenda came in too late to catch Kratos' chest-bursting act. So she's merely musing idly on whether she could pull off an aikido throw on this guy. He's not that much bigger than Paco.

"....Yeahhhh. Say, you wouldn't happen to have a brother that goes by Peacemaker, would you?"

[identity profile] ibrokeaplanet.livejournal.com 2008-03-09 06:52 am (UTC)(link)
"Oh, you know. The hairstyle. The scowl. The general - build, I guess. Also the whole badass 'tude."

And the same alarms Peacemaker set off in Brenda's psyche - that he'd gladly throw her and her friends under a bus at any moment should he feel the need, allies or not - are ringing their bells now.

[identity profile] sada-chan.livejournal.com 2008-03-09 09:13 am (UTC)(link)
"Why would you want to lose your lovely lovely nightmares?"

[identity profile] sada-chan.livejournal.com 2008-03-09 03:19 pm (UTC)(link)
Sadako smiled, tilting her head back so her hair threatened to slide back all her face. "But such wonderful memories," she purred. "You should be proud."

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[identity profile] tktactile.livejournal.com 2008-03-09 06:42 pm (UTC)(link)
Kon entered the Sorting Room and picked up the application of the... guy. With the dead people. And the statues. And the yelling about Greek gods. In Kon's experience, it was really just Amazons who yelled about Greek gods like that. Was this a transsexual Amazon?

....

There were weirder things, but not many. Instead of thinking about it further, Kon read through the application. "...How do you 'accidentally' kill your wife?"

[identity profile] tktactile.livejournal.com 2008-03-09 07:15 pm (UTC)(link)
"Uh huh." Mind control. It was always mind control, wasn't it? Stupid mind control. "What do you think of Amazons?"

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[identity profile] unbittenapple.livejournal.com 2008-03-09 06:55 pm (UTC)(link)
The only similarity Bella has with this applicant is that she, too, flung herself off a cliff and ended up at Hogwarts. Well, she landed in the water, and nearly drowned. (She's not crazy. She was doing it to hear the voice of her vampire boyfriend in her head.)

...

Yeah.

'I thought Hercules slew the Hydra?' she asks, confused. 'And Theseus the Minotaur? Did I hear wrong?' she adds, because, hey, big scary things bursting out of his chest.

[identity profile] unbittenapple.livejournal.com 2008-03-09 07:41 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh Jesus, there are more women having it off with their husband's prize bull? Bella looks a bit squicked. 'Oh. I see. Must have heard the wrong version or something. Um.' She looks over his application, and then to his chest again. 'Does it hurt, when they come out?' You know, the cursed souls. (Is it cursed, or cur-sed?)

[identity profile] spiderthatwaits.livejournal.com 2008-03-10 01:11 am (UTC)(link)
Selvetarm glanced up from the application, looking vaguely interested, and indicated the statues. "Are they some plunder of yours?"

There was nothing intentionally judgmental in his tone. One of his best friends (that is, the only one in the general vague area of kinda-sorta-for-a-given-definition-of-friend, and so the best of them by default) had been among other things in charge of plunder.

Vote: Gryffindor

[identity profile] spiderthatwaits.livejournal.com 2008-03-11 12:45 am (UTC)(link)
"Wise of you," said Selvetarm, whose providing had generally been in the form of aid with killing. Given how unqualified he was for other varieties of guidance, this was probably for the best. "Gryffindor, then, unless you have some surprise to the contrary."

Now he regarded the blades and asked, idly, "How many weapons are you trained in?" His own sword and mace hung at his belt.

[identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com 2008-03-12 11:06 pm (UTC)(link)
The Hat eyes the Muse statues.

"Those are some hot babes." It approves.

[identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com 2008-03-12 11:14 pm (UTC)(link)
"What aid are you after? Live Aid? Farm Aid? Kool-Aid? The Kool-Aid Man was here at one time (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/1080764.html), but I believe the students drank him all up!"

Gryffindor!

[identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com 2008-03-12 11:38 pm (UTC)(link)
Your bribe has been accepted!

Welcome to Gryffindor!