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hh_mirror2007-12-04 05:41 pm
not-tomjones.livejournal.com) wrote in hh_mirror2007-12-04 05:41 pm
Entry tags:
Application for Roddy St. James: Flushed Away
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
With a very wet SPLAT!, three slugs and a rat fell onto the table in the sorting room. The slugs were, as slugs generally are, naked and slimy. The rat, however, was looking rather posh in a tux. Groaning, he pushed himself up off the table, only to be confronted with a quill as large as he was, quivering quite menacingly by his nose.
"Well? What do you want?" he asked the quill. Without warning, it swept towards him and almost knocked him over, the continued on without even a nod of apology. "Hey! I say, you there!" Roddy put up his dukes. "Try that again, why don't you?"
The quill did as asked. Roddy shrieked and dove out of the way, only to find himself pinned between the quill and an ink pot. "Please don't kill me," he groveled, and if by magic the quill moved away. It was then that he noticed the words the quill had left behind, and the words on the piece of paper he'd been standing on. He looked at the slugs. "This looks like an application," he said. The quill came back at him, but now he was getting the hang of this.
"I am a yellow-bellied piece of worthless feather!" he said to the quill, and sure enough it wrote it down. "Ha! See that? I'm the master here!" he boasted to the slugs.
They just looked at each other and rolled their eye stalks.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Now this was a question that required some serious consideration. "I would treasure a Cheddar," Roddy mused. "And truly, I find that I miss Swiss. A mouthful of Muenster would be most magnificent, but in the end-" He paused dramatically. "-I find myself hankering for Havarti."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"Well, clearly, this Carrottop fellow seems to be guilty of nothing more than enjoying his vegetables too much. Now, Barney, there's a name that can't be trusted. Can you look into Barney's beady eyes and know that you'll be safe?" He had no idea who Barney was. "I think not."
3. What time is it where you are?
Roddy looked at the slugs. Not having arms, and therefore, no watches, they looked right back at him. One of them shrugged. "I haven't a clue," he muttered, and went on to the next question.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
"I say!" After all this talk of cheese, this was hardly a question he was expecting. "Rats of my breeding do not sexually harass," he said. "What kind of low-down dirty slug do you think I am?"
One of the slugs "harrumphed!" behind him.
"Oh right, sorry."
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"Bartending in the dark! I was born for that! The St. James line is well known for their talents behind the bar," he said to the quill. "I would name it 'On Ice.' It's time to put you On Ice! Do you get it?" He elbowed the quill. "Quite clever, don't you think?"
The quill kept on ignoring him.
B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
The St. James' were also known for being keen scholars. Really. "I think he should marry George, because Fred rhymes with dead, and every world mythology will tell you that's bad luck right there." He nodded in a very serious fashion. "So there you have it."
C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"Have you tried eating it?" Roddy asked with a cunning look. "One they see you stuffing it down your throat, they won't even bother putting it on your desk." For a rat, this made perfect sense.
D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
"Useless! Me?" He curled his biceps. "Look at this! Pure steel, right here!"
Limp spaghetti noodles had more oomph than his guns.
"Well, I can sing," he admitted. "I can do a good Tom Jones! She's a lady, Oooh oooh yeah! She's a lady!"
"Lady! Lady!" sang the slugs in the background.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
"Take my slugs. Please."
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. _R _St._J_________
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. __R_St._J_______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. _Are they huge knickers?_R_St._J_______.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. _R_St._J__________"
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
With a very wet SPLAT!, three slugs and a rat fell onto the table in the sorting room. The slugs were, as slugs generally are, naked and slimy. The rat, however, was looking rather posh in a tux. Groaning, he pushed himself up off the table, only to be confronted with a quill as large as he was, quivering quite menacingly by his nose.
"Well? What do you want?" he asked the quill. Without warning, it swept towards him and almost knocked him over, the continued on without even a nod of apology. "Hey! I say, you there!" Roddy put up his dukes. "Try that again, why don't you?"
The quill did as asked. Roddy shrieked and dove out of the way, only to find himself pinned between the quill and an ink pot. "Please don't kill me," he groveled, and if by magic the quill moved away. It was then that he noticed the words the quill had left behind, and the words on the piece of paper he'd been standing on. He looked at the slugs. "This looks like an application," he said. The quill came back at him, but now he was getting the hang of this.
"I am a yellow-bellied piece of worthless feather!" he said to the quill, and sure enough it wrote it down. "Ha! See that? I'm the master here!" he boasted to the slugs.
They just looked at each other and rolled their eye stalks.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Now this was a question that required some serious consideration. "I would treasure a Cheddar," Roddy mused. "And truly, I find that I miss Swiss. A mouthful of Muenster would be most magnificent, but in the end-" He paused dramatically. "-I find myself hankering for Havarti."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"Well, clearly, this Carrottop fellow seems to be guilty of nothing more than enjoying his vegetables too much. Now, Barney, there's a name that can't be trusted. Can you look into Barney's beady eyes and know that you'll be safe?" He had no idea who Barney was. "I think not."
3. What time is it where you are?
Roddy looked at the slugs. Not having arms, and therefore, no watches, they looked right back at him. One of them shrugged. "I haven't a clue," he muttered, and went on to the next question.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
"I say!" After all this talk of cheese, this was hardly a question he was expecting. "Rats of my breeding do not sexually harass," he said. "What kind of low-down dirty slug do you think I am?"
One of the slugs "harrumphed!" behind him.
"Oh right, sorry."
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"Bartending in the dark! I was born for that! The St. James line is well known for their talents behind the bar," he said to the quill. "I would name it 'On Ice.' It's time to put you On Ice! Do you get it?" He elbowed the quill. "Quite clever, don't you think?"
The quill kept on ignoring him.
B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
The St. James' were also known for being keen scholars. Really. "I think he should marry George, because Fred rhymes with dead, and every world mythology will tell you that's bad luck right there." He nodded in a very serious fashion. "So there you have it."
C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"Have you tried eating it?" Roddy asked with a cunning look. "One they see you stuffing it down your throat, they won't even bother putting it on your desk." For a rat, this made perfect sense.
D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
"Useless! Me?" He curled his biceps. "Look at this! Pure steel, right here!"
Limp spaghetti noodles had more oomph than his guns.
"Well, I can sing," he admitted. "I can do a good Tom Jones! She's a lady, Oooh oooh yeah! She's a lady!"
"Lady! Lady!" sang the slugs in the background.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
"Take my slugs. Please."
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. _R _St._J_________
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. __R_St._J_______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. _Are they huge knickers?_R_St._J_______.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. _R_St._J__________"
no subject
He knew all about things not being his fault. Strangely, though, most of it had turned out to be his fault. "If it wasn't your fault, whose was it, if you don't mind my asking," he said, sitting down himself.
no subject
"Tom Jones, huh? I got a friend back home who'd probably love to hang with you." Although exposing Paco - Mr. Maxim Magazine - to the Tom Jones-Vegas vibe might make him even more insufferable. The big lug.
no subject
At Tom Jones, though, he perked up. "Really? You know, there are quite a few people who are rather taken with my singing voice." Rita's grandmother, for one. "It's not unusual to be loved by anyone," he sang. "I can do Elvis, too."
no subject
no subject
He had no idea where the slugs had come from.
no subject
usually. There's generally being in one place and some gravity involved," she pointed out. "Also a lot less wet stuff. So you fell from where?"no subject
He waited for her laughter. Even in unfamiliar territory, he was still the master of the bad pun.