hh_mirror | The Cat in the Hat Comes Back

Entry tags:

The Cat in the Hat Comes Back

The random participants of the Hogwarts customer satisfaction survey were returned in the same manner, if not quite the same condition as when they had been picked up three weeks ago. The house elves had seen to the needs of the participants as best as they could. Food and water had been provided, along with basic facilities and a place to sleep. Since bathing and changing clothes fell under an "alternative lifestyle" for Hogwart's favorite elves, they hadn't thought to provide the same for the participants.

Damien Thorn was matched back to his room, wearing the one and only suit he'd had available to him for the last three weeks. Unshaven and dirty, he wanted nothing more than a hot shower, a nap in his own bed, and an afternoon spent pursuing senseless acts of violence.

Dieter Prohl wasn't sure that even the warm, loving embrace of the sauna would help ease the pain of answering numerous questions about if Kojiro, Kahnooloo, and the Sorting Hat would look better in boxers, briefs, or commando.

Two residents of Hufflepuff were returned to the dorm, one to reflect on her imprisonment and try to prevent it from happening again, the other to blog about it to his fanbase. With eight arms, an octopus can blog quite a bit.

Another man, nominally a Slytherin, was dumped back in the hallway he'd been picked up in, just as filthy as he had been before, and now ranting about maniac midgets.

As the house elves dropped other people off, it was back to business as usual.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

When Dr. Grant made it home, he would find a note Spellotaped to his door:

Dog got out. She's in Hufflepuff with me. Where've you gone off to? - Love, Laura

The note had been hanging on the door for so long that it was beginning to curl at the corners. It almost went completely unnoticed, too. Only when the owner of the cat realized that there was, in fact, no cat to be seen, did he go back out and noticed the piece of parchment.

Back now. Thanks for looking after Dog. I hate this place.

Alan

Relieved and thrilled to get the owl, Laura didn't bother writing a reply. She just packed up Dog and her things and made a beeline for Ravenclaw.

She knocked on the door. "Kitten express, special delivery," she called.

He was fresh from the shower when Laura called. Grant pulled open the door half-dressed and still dripping a bit. The cat, excited to be home, sprang from Laura's arms and ran inside.

"I hate this place," he said in way of a greeting, in case he hadn't been clear the first time.

She clucked sympathetically, stepped inside and set down the basket of cat supplies. "Aww. That bad, huh? Would a hug help?"

"I love you, Laura, but I don't even know if that would help," Grant said. "Nobody expects the Hogwarts Inquisition."

The cat was not threading between his ankles, threatening to trip him if he didn't pay attention to her, now. Which he didn't. All was not right with the world.

"Were Billy and Ellie there, by any chance? 'Cause when I couldn't find you I went looking for them, and no luck there either."

"Ellie was." He finally picked up the cat, who trilled in happiness. Grant gave the cat a good scratch between the ears before depositing her on the couch. "There were six people there. Ellie, Nemo's friend Oliver, an FBI agent, one girl about your age, and one fucking scary woman," he said. "Number six was a special treat."

Laura shrugged. At Hogwarts, 'one fucking scary woman' didn't narrow it down by much. "I know I'm gonna hate myself for asking, but what on Earth did they want with you all?"

"They wanted us to fill out questionnaires. Pages and pages of questions, with space for us to give them more information, if necessary." It had been necessary. Even a simple yes/no question had had half a page of writing space to explain why one had picked yes or no.

Laura blinked. "Annnnd...they're going to do with these, what, exactly?" She blinked again.

"I have no idea." He rubbed his eyes with his hand and went back to the cat. "Back to my original statement, though, I hate this place. What do you say we pack up the pets, but two tickets to some tropical island, and never show our faces here again?" It was clear that he wasn't serious, just tired and frustrated.

"Think about it. We would spend all day just worrying about tans and mai-tais."

Laura giggled. "Sounds like a plan. What about Nemo, though? Do we take him with?"

"Depends on where he's from. I would probably kill him to put him in the wrong ecosystem." If Grant new he was from the Great Barrier Reef, he might have been more keen on the idea. "Besides, Nemo needs to stay in school."

"We could find one of those places where you can only get there by boat, where there are no house elves, Hat, body doubles, or crazy people around to spoil our fun. It would have to be dinosaur-free, though. The dinosaur-infested islands aren't worth the discounted rate."

"Mmm. Sounds nice. You're right, though, probably not a lot of repeat business at the dinosaur resorts." She gave him a quick hug. "Soooo...how long before you'd get bored, you think? I mean, I can be pret-ty entertaining. But a girl's gotta have a nap eventually."

He faked being insulted. "Hey now, you don't think I'm capable of entertaining myself? There's walking to one end of the beach. Then walking to the other end of the beach. Then I'd take a nap, and do the whole thing over again." He'd be bored out of his skull twelve hours after arriving.

"Besides, you'd have to put up with me, and we all know that can get old quick."

"Eenh. I've built up a high tolerance." She grinned. "You want some company, or would you rather be alone with my rival there?" She waved at Dog, who was kneading the arm of the sofa into submission.

He cocked an eyebrow. "Oh really?" he said. "I might have to put that tolerance to the test."

Grant looked at the cat. "She can wait a little bit longer. There are other people I've been missing more."

Laura's eyebrow went up at least as high as his. "Really...What did you have in mind?"

((Paging Dr. Issues, that's Issues with a capital I...))

"Oh yes. That guy in Slytherin, for one. I forget his name, but I missed him terribly," he deadpanned. "The Giant Squid, there's two. Maybe even the creatures in the shed. There are lots of people and things I've missed more than Dog."

"Hmph." She put her hands on her hips. "Well then, I really shouldn't stand in between you and the squid you love, now should I?"

It would probably be small comfort to Laura to know that the squid couldn't hold a candle to Godzilla, so Grant decided to withhold that information.

"No," he agreed. "You shouldn't stand between us." He moved closer to her. "I think standing is a really bad idea."

"Well, let's see." Smiling, she ticked off options on her fingers. "Standing's out...that leaves sitting...and, hmmm....what else besides that, again?"

"We can try sitting, and see what happens after that." He gave her a wink. "Best not to rush these things."

The smile widened into a catlike grin.

"Oh, Professor, I do like the way you think..."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

The Cat in the Hat Comes Back

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject