hh_mirror | Application: Constable Renfield Turnbull, RCMP (Due South)

((okay'ed by Ray-mun and Fraser-mun))

A tall, muscular man, dressed in the bright red uniform of a Mountie, appears within the room. He is wearing a pink apron over the uniform, with cleaning gloves on his hands and a duster clutched in one hand. He seems confused by the unfamiliar locale, but not overly surprised to find himself there.

"Oh dear, I hope I haven't managed to get lost in the Consulate… again. I don’t want Inspector Thatcher to yell at me for this."

Glancing around the room, he notices the paper on the table, but focuses on cleaning until the room is in some semblance of order while humming under his breath. "Well, that will have to do for the moment. Now I really should deal with this paperwork." Setting down the duster and removing his gloves, he sets to work on answering the questions- no doubt this is part of his service to Queen and Country.

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"Well, although it would be hard to pick a favorite, I have to say I'm partial to camembert, especially prepared as camembert en croute almondine."

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"Even though I am normally opposed to the execution of prisoners, I would of course make an exception for the Quebecois Quasher, Vincent 'Carrottop' Flynn. The things that man did…" He shakes his head sadly at the memory.

3. What time is it where you are?
"It must be around eleven… Constable Fraser hasn't come in from guard duty yet and there's still a bit of time before I need to prepare lunch."

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Carefully checking the room for eavesdroppers before answering, he whispers, "I wouldn't be willing to sexually harass anyone, of course. Still, I would be amenable to courting Remus Lupin… He's well-aged and blond and seems familiar somehow. "

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"The Crow Bar seems a little obvious… Ooh! I would love to work at the Bonspiel!" He seems momentarily overcome with the thought of working at a bar devoted to curling, then shakes his head and returns to the questions.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"Well, I don't see a reason for Harry to break up their happy home. As far as I can tell, Fred and George are happy together and don't need another man coming between them."

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"Chances are, a superior officer continually passes off all of her paperwork onto you. Thankfully, that problem seems to lessen once you get to know them, and they realize what you're capable of doing."

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
"Would someone who was useless be promoted to temporary assistant interim associate deputy liaison? I think not."

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
"I would be pleased to cook something special for anyone who gives me a vote. I'm also good at keeping secrets, and can do a fantastic job running interference for you."

"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ______RT______
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. _____RT______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. _____RT______.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ______RT_______"

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Oh, yeah, no. Bob's totally dead," she said conversationally. "But he's around here in ghost form. You could probably even ask him the story yourself - he's very casual about the whole 'dead guy' thing."

"Oh! But you have to have already died to see him." Duh! "Have you ever died, Constable?" she asked in a very pleasant manner.

"I must say, that's rather surprising, even considering this is apparently a school for witchcraft. I would like to speak with him, though, he was a legend for his dedication and ability in the field."

"No, I'm pretty sure I've never died." Geez, the things you find yourself saying in a magical school... "Um, have you died before?"

"I'll bet he'd love to hear you say that!" Steph didn't know Bob all that well, but he seemed like a fan of compliments. She craned her neck, looking around the room. "I don't think he's here right now, though."

"Yup," she said, the very picture of casual. Steph didn't know Turnbull, so it was easy to play it cool in regards to the death thang. "This school's crawling with formerly dead teenagers. But don't worry - very few of them are Zombies." Steph just automatically assumed most people would be concerned about living with Zombies.

"Oh, that's a shame, but I'm sure I'll have time to speak with him at length later."

"Well, I'm sorry to hear about your unfortunate passing." Inquiring about someone's death is no doubt extremely rude, so Turnbull quickly presses on. "How strange. I wonder if this place functions as a sort of afterlife for some people. Or maybe I died and just didn't realize it!" To reassure himself, he checks for a pulse and a heartbeat. Once he's confirmed he's still living, he continues. "You know, Constable Fraser was actually involved with a case revolving around zombies and Vodoun religion. From what I gathered, you should be kept safe if you don't believe in the curses."

"Erm. Appreciate it." Huh. Well, it was a lot better than a 'I'm sorry, how did it happen?'. Some of the applicants could be waaaay too nosey for Steph's taste. "You look pretty alive to me," she said supportively.

"Vodoun? That's Vodoo, in American, right?" Not English. American. "Gotham's got a pretty big group of followers, actually. Mostly West African immigrants." Why, yes. Steph sometimes knew Facts about the people she superheroed for. "Not that I buy any of that junk. Nothing but hocus pocus." She says, holding a wand.

"Thank you, that's a sweet thing to say. At this point, I think the best course of action is to assume I'm alive and ignore the whole solipsist problem of 'maybe I'm dead right now and don't know it.' I never was one for philosophy, anyways." Now that he's decided that, the whole issue is mentally filed away and will probably be forgotten soon.

"I believe they're the same thing, but I'm certainly not an expert on the subject." Now, if the subject were country music or Canadian law... "Where is Gotham? I don't believe I've heard the name before." His face lights up at the mention of 'hocus pocus.' "Ah, so what sort of magical things do we learn to do here?"

"Gotham's a port city on the east coast, about 45 minutes away from New York. It's got pretty much the most bad ass citizens in the world," she said proudly. Gothamites were hardcore, yo. ~~Or too crazy to move~~.

"Oh, everything! Magic has sorts of branches. There's the practical side of it - Charms, Flying, Defense Against the Dark Arts, and Transfiguration." She pulled out her wand, and pointed to the quill lying on top of the desk. With a flick of her wrist, the ink-tipped feather morphed into a ballpoint pen. "And then there's the boring stuff like Astronomy and Ancient Runes."

"Ah, I take it you're from there. It sounds quite interesting." ~~It's constantly shrouded in darkness and subject to the machinations of supervillains. Why would you ever move?~~

He can't help gasping slightly at his first viewing of real magic. "Wow, that's amazing! I can't wait to cast spells." He can't help muttering, somewhat embarrassed. "And, personally, I find astronomy fascinating and will be glad to learn more about it."

"Heh. That's putting it lightly!" ~~That's what Steph is always tellin' people! Everyday is a surprise. Until you die painfully and/or get retconed.~~

"Well, I bet you'll take to the magic thing quickly." Because Mounties were good at everything, right? "But before that, we've gotta get you sorted. You seem very much like a Hufflepuff to me. Their house mascot is a badger. Ya like badgers?"

Turnbull doubts she's right- she isn't familiar with his natural shortcomings. On the other hand, magic seems fairly similar to painting and cooking, and he excels at those; the thought cheers him up. "I hope you're right. I will certainly be trying my hardest to learn."

"I do think I'm well suited to Hufflepuff. And I liked Badger in Wind in the Willows, for what it's worth. Thank you kindly for your vote."

Application: Constable Renfield Turnbull, RCMP (Due South)

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Vote: Hufflepuff

Re: Vote: Hufflepuff