Application: Lestat de Lioncourt, from Interview With the Vampire

[lestat-d-l.livejournal.com]

A very pale man entered the room, bright blue eyes taking in everything while a huge grin swept over his features. He seemed utterly entranced with the entire place, though so far he had only seen the stone walls and a desk with a chair just waiting to have the pleasure of his ass sitting on it. His clothes were a bit... dated, though quite high society, and he straightened the lace sticking out from under a jacket sleeve as his other hand ran down one of the walls.

"Just lovely!" he gasped. "Such workmanship I haven't seen in a long time."
He knew he was in a castle. He could tell. Hell, the place positively reeked of castle-ness. He moved to the chair and stroked its back, almost like a lover, before swiveling around to sit in it.

"All I have to do to stay is fill out an application?" He raised an eyebrow. "This is too easy."

Usually he had to turn on a little charm, or at least dispose of the current residents, before being able to do as he pleased in castles.



1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

Hmm... I don't eat cheese, you know. You could call me lactose intolerant. Or just.. food intolerant. I prefer much tastier things. If you ask very nicely, I might let you in on what they might be.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

Neither would taste very good, in my opinion, and since I don't have to put up with them myself, I would rather let someone else have the pleasure.

3. What time is it where you are?

Night time, of course.

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Sexual harassment, you say? I can tell you that I have never been turned away when I seek sexual company, and so it really doesn't count as harassment, now does it? Deadly, maybe, but not harassing.

5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

Oh come now, isn't every dreary little bar named the same thing nowadays? Honestly, you might as well call it what it is, Dreary Little Bar.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

Marriage? Why on earth would the boy want to settle down with either? You're only limiting your options then.

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

I guess someone forgot to leave a sign on the door stating that the next piece of paperwork received will lead to the inexplicable demise of the person leaving it.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

Useless? Really now, if there is anything I'm not, it's useless. I have a multitude of talents, not to mention the added perks that come with being a vampire such as myself.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

"I offer the greatest gift of all. Eternal life, to anyone brave enough to take it! Of course, if that isn't what you're into, maybe we can see about making... other... arrangements."

"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. _____Lestat_______
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ___Lestat________.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. __Lestat_________.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ____Lestat_________"

Comments

[wolfram-jyari.livejournal.com]

"Of course they would be taken seriously. They are being used to determine your fate while you attend this academy!" Wolfram would have lectured him further, but his attention was easily shifted. A smug look started to arise on his features. Well, at least the new applicant wasn't blind.

"I am Sir Wolfram von Bielefeld, betrothed to the Maou and Hufflepuff!" The blond proudly proclaimed, bowing his head slightly in his response. "I am attending Hogwarts while accompanying my fiance and king. So it's very important just whom we let in here." Wolfram was also the son of the previous Maou, and brother to the Luttenburg Lion and the Commander of the Demonic Army. But that would be bragging.

[lestat-d-l.livejournal.com]

"I knew you must have been someone of importance. To be quite honest, I assumed that this castle belonged to you." Lestat replied, his voice as sweet as spun sugar.

"I was not aware, however, that this was an academy, nor that attending it was what the application was for. Pray tell, noble sir, what there is to be learned here?"

[wolfram-jyari.livejournal.com]

Wolfram shook his head, but did not look too put-off by the flattery. He was used to it, if only from the internal voice we all have in our heads. "No, my castle is much bigger." This was probably not true, but buildings always seem much taller if you were once a baby in it.

"Why would you apply for something if you didn't know what it was for? That could lead to something unfortunate, such as treason, or menial labor." The blond continued, not truly caring about the answer. "Hogwarts Academy teaches a sort of human magic." The demon paused, and then rolled his eyes, finishing with something that seemed to be a quote of some sort. "And it 'is a place where you can learn about all sorts of people from all sorts of places'."

Wolfram sniffed and glared darkly at someone in the room. It didn't have to be anyone in particular, anyone would do. "All sorts is right. When someone first attends Hogwarts, he or she is judged by their peers. If they're lucky, they're not squibbed, and are sent to either Hufflepuff, Gryffindor, Slytherin, or Ravenclaw. And which one you go to will be determined by the quality of your character."

[lestat-d-l.livejournal.com]

"I see! Fascinating, and I appreciate your willingness to keep me informed on this subject. Magic, you say? I suppose adding to my current abilities couldn't hurt."

Lestat did not mention the fact that anyone trying to force him into anything such as menial labor, even with a contract, would be hard-pressed to carry out the commitment. And treason, he mused, was often quite entertaining.

"All sorts of people, hm?" he began, as though mulling things over. "And might I venture to ask, what sort you are?"

[wolfram-jyari.livejournal.com]

"Not as long as you cast the spells right," Wolfram agreed, remembering the unfortunate victims of his drying spell. Luckily they were all inanimate. Wolfram then blinked at his next question.

"Betrothed to the Maou and Hufflepuff?" The blond reminded him. "Future husband of the Demon King of Shin Makoku?" Obviously he needed to inform the general public of Hogwarts just who they were dealing with when it came to Shibuya Yuuri. Or they might end up treating him like a normal boy! "I'm not a human, if that's what you're trying to ask. Though it should be obvious."

[lestat-d-l.livejournal.com]

"Obvious of course, but that only tells me what you are not. With your added information, however, I think I can safely say that you, much like your affianced, are a demon? I would love to hear how you differ from vampires such as myself." he replied. "You must be quite powerful," he added, the flattery seeping back in just a tad.

[wolfram-jyari.livejournal.com]

"What!? You're a vampire!?" Wolfram took several steps back, covering his neck with both of his hands. "You are a human that sucks blood!?" That was so disgusting. Humans were bad enough when they didn't have blood-sucking fangs and stalk outside windows during the nighttime!

"I'll have you know that I am indeed a very powerful demon," Wolfram exclaimed, and he would have pointed for emphasis had both hands not been busy. "I have destructive fire magic, and am trained with a sword. Furthermore, my blood causes explosions of skulls." Wolfram trained his face into a sombre expression. "It is a curse of our people, but we endure it."

[lestat-d-l.livejournal.com]

"Aww, and here I thought we could get along famously. It never occurred to me that a man of your importance would be so judgemental against someone of my particular design."

Lestat made what had to be an incredibly cute pouty face.

"And look at you, backing away as though I had it in for you! I'm hurt! Your talents, and even your curse, are very impressive. It's too bad we can't be friends so that you could demonstrate them for me. I'm sure you are just spectacular to watch."

[wolfram-jyari.livejournal.com]

"Why would I get along with a blood-sucking human!?" Wolfram said, as if the human part of the equation was almost as big a fault. He agreed with Yuuri to try and be understanding to the humans of Hogwarts, but he certainly did not say anything about if they were vampires. Now, Wolfram figured, he had an out. As long as Yuuri did not show up, because if so, Wolfram would probably have to make friends with Lestat, too.

No one had yet to out-pout Wolfram. Other men had tried, few had survived the challenge. "And very few would be able to witness the effect my people's talent would have on them," the blond continued, hands slowly moving down from his neck to rest at his hips. "Their eyeballs would be boiling out from their sockets. Very soggy."

[lestat-d-l.livejournal.com]

"Surely there must be something I could offer to make you hate me less. I'm not all that bad after all. And as for the human thing, really I only used to be human. You could hardly call me that anymore, considering the fact that they are a bountiful food resource for me. Not to mention the fact that I could kill one before they ever realized what had happened, were I so inclined."

Honestly, some people could be so difficult. It wasn't like Lestat was asking him on a date or something, although, just the thought of the man's reaction to such an inquiry nearly caused him a gigglefit right then and there.

"You know, if you were able to stomach my company a little more, I know a lovely spot in France I think you would find breathtaking."

His eyes glittered slyly. Ok, so he wasn't that good at resisting temptation.

Slytherin

[wolfram-jyari.livejournal.com]

"I don't hate you," Wolfram frowned. "Don't be childish. Just because I don't particularly like you after we've just met, doesn't mean that you're being victimized. I don't particularly like most people, which should only be natural. At least you're a human that became something else. I keep meeting demons I used to know who became human. Why someone would want to do that, I can't imagine." He frowned in distaste, and then glared at Lestat. "If you were so inclined to kill a human without him knowing it, by the way, that would just make you a coward. Even another human can do that! They make entire books surrounding the subject."

The blond widened his eyes in outrage at Lestat's offer, but then narrowed them, and spoke in a voice dripping with condensation. "Oh, a spot, do you? You must be so proud. An entire spot all to yourself, and lovely, would you say? It must be a very lovely spot. Of course, my family owns entire castles which are actually large enough to sustain inhabitants, but a spot sounds alright, too. And it's in a country called France? Well, I am going to marry the man who owns the entire country of Shin Makoku, and it's filled with all kinds of spots. Maybe I could find one of my own, in there?"

The blond crossed his arms, dropping the sarcasm to take on a more abrupt tone. "No wonder you can kill in less than a moment, that's all the time it takes to travel from one end to the other. It seems that you'd might need a more spacious living-quarters, perhaps. The Slytherin common room, which I think is in a dungeon, should suffice."