Application: Lestat de Lioncourt, from Interview With the Vampire

[lestat-d-l.livejournal.com]

A very pale man entered the room, bright blue eyes taking in everything while a huge grin swept over his features. He seemed utterly entranced with the entire place, though so far he had only seen the stone walls and a desk with a chair just waiting to have the pleasure of his ass sitting on it. His clothes were a bit... dated, though quite high society, and he straightened the lace sticking out from under a jacket sleeve as his other hand ran down one of the walls.

"Just lovely!" he gasped. "Such workmanship I haven't seen in a long time."
He knew he was in a castle. He could tell. Hell, the place positively reeked of castle-ness. He moved to the chair and stroked its back, almost like a lover, before swiveling around to sit in it.

"All I have to do to stay is fill out an application?" He raised an eyebrow. "This is too easy."

Usually he had to turn on a little charm, or at least dispose of the current residents, before being able to do as he pleased in castles.



1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

Hmm... I don't eat cheese, you know. You could call me lactose intolerant. Or just.. food intolerant. I prefer much tastier things. If you ask very nicely, I might let you in on what they might be.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

Neither would taste very good, in my opinion, and since I don't have to put up with them myself, I would rather let someone else have the pleasure.

3. What time is it where you are?

Night time, of course.

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Sexual harassment, you say? I can tell you that I have never been turned away when I seek sexual company, and so it really doesn't count as harassment, now does it? Deadly, maybe, but not harassing.

5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

Oh come now, isn't every dreary little bar named the same thing nowadays? Honestly, you might as well call it what it is, Dreary Little Bar.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

Marriage? Why on earth would the boy want to settle down with either? You're only limiting your options then.

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

I guess someone forgot to leave a sign on the door stating that the next piece of paperwork received will lead to the inexplicable demise of the person leaving it.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

Useless? Really now, if there is anything I'm not, it's useless. I have a multitude of talents, not to mention the added perks that come with being a vampire such as myself.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

"I offer the greatest gift of all. Eternal life, to anyone brave enough to take it! Of course, if that isn't what you're into, maybe we can see about making... other... arrangements."

"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. _____Lestat_______
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ___Lestat________.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. __Lestat_________.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ____Lestat_________"

Comments

[c-macaulay.livejournal.com]

Camilla read the application and had a look at the applicant. Oh, dear. Francis would surely fall for this one. And eternal life as a bribe? The flamboyance and lactose-intolerance suggested to Camilla that this sort of eternal life might come with side effects. Not that the flamboyance would necessarily bother Francis any.

"Bonsoir, Monsieur de Lioncourt," she said to the applicant, simply and pleasantly. "I like your Slytherin answer."

[lestat-d-l.livejournal.com]

"Why thank you, mademoiselle." He stood from his seat and gave a little half bow to her, always watching her face. "Might I kiss your hand, to show my pleasure in meeting such a lovely woman tonight?"

His blue eyes sparkled as he straightened back up, and they looked at her expectantly.

[lady-h3ath3r.livejournal.com]

"Gracious." Lady Heather looked the newcomer up and down. "You do have a flair for the theatrical, don't you?"

[lestat-d-l.livejournal.com]

"I just may! But one look at a lady like yourself, and I can see that surely you may indulge yourself in the theatrical now and again, am I correct?"

He smiled widely at her, a sharp fang catching the light for just a moment before he turned.

[wolfram-jyari.livejournal.com]

"Your name for your tavern just reminds me of a dropped little chocolate bar, left out in the rain. Now nobody wants to eat it, and they can't even pity it, because it doesn't have feelings." Wolfram shook his head and crossed his arms. "Because of that pathetic image, you are not allowed into the Hufflepuff House. I haven't been in Hogwarts for the last few months, but I have no doubt that it is still the best."

The demon waved a hand in defeat. He was trying to behave himself now that Yuuri could voluntarily travel worlds whenever he pleased, and so he couldn't just squib people left and right anymore. And that just made his mood worse. "I suppose you could be a Ravenclaw."

[the-mr-universe.livejournal.com]

Mr. Universe laughed at that. "Well, after that comment about bars, I'm very much in doubt that Ravenclaw will take him; they aren't too fond of anyone who isn't fond of their liquor source." To the applicant, Mr. Universe said, "eternal life, huh? What's that like? Any drawbacks?"

[lestat-d-l.livejournal.com]

"Oh dear, I had no idea my answers would be taken so seriously. But my my, look who we have here! You must be a gentleman of great importance, judging by your outfit, and the astonishing grace in the way you carry yourself."

Lestat stood from his chair and made a low, sweeping bow with one arm to his chest, the other dramatically out in a little wave.

"Do forgive me, sire. Ah, and I have just realized, I didn't catch your name."

[whosneverbeen.livejournal.com]

"Are you the sort of vampire that sparkles in the sun?" Luna asked with all apparent earnestness.

[lestat-d-l.livejournal.com]

"Unfortunately it isn't so much that I sparkle, my dear. I come out a bit worse for wear, to be sure." he replied, looking at her.

He vaguely wondered if older girls behaved better than younger ones and would appreciate immortality more, instead of trying, oh so ungratefully, to kill their maker.

[daxtastic.livejournal.com]

"Yes, but what about the rather prevalent contingent of castle residents who already have eternal life? Or even near-eternal." Sigh. People never stopped to think of the immortal-esque.

[lestat-d-l.livejournal.com]

"As I said, other arrangements can be made, dear lady. Do you fancy something else? If I have it, I'm sure I can spare it for such a lovely woman."

[researcher42.livejournal.com]

"What exactly do you do with eternal life? Doesn't it get rather boring?" Ford had only met one true immortal before and that guy had given up on the whole thing and decided to insult every being in the universe in alphabetical order just to keep himself busy.

[lestat-d-l.livejournal.com]

"Boring? Yes, occasionally. But then I can always just... sleep, until something better comes along. A nice long nap to change the scenery and rejuvenate the mind does wonders, you know."

Of course, by "long nap", Lestat was remembering instances in which he had slept for years.

[ostianespionage.livejournal.com]

Matthew shrugged. Wonder what a vampire is. "See, if the eternal life thing was retroactive, and could be given to someone else, I might take you up on it. Got a feeling it isn't, though."

[lestat-d-l.livejournal.com]

Lestat looked this newcomer up and down for a moment, almost hungrily. After all, he had not eaten tonight, and no one had taken him up on his offer yet.

"No, once you have the immortality, getting rid of yourself can be quite a chore, though, I have heard tell that it is, in fact, doable. And once you are strong enough, it becomes a gift anyone can give, if they know how."

He smiled wryly, hoping his pitch went over well.

[hellminxmel.livejournal.com]

Maia smiles widely, wine-coloured (and perhaps stained) lips quirking upwards.

She likes him.

'And for those of us who already have eternal life?' she asks lazily, hand propped on her hip. 'Don't get me wrong, I do agree with what you're saying, but you don't want to bore the small-yet-vital contingent of us who are left out by your offerings...'

[lestat-d-l.livejournal.com]

This woman was shrewd, he saw, but he liked a bit of a challenge. Without a good challenge now and then, life just didn't have the right flavor.

"I did mention that other arrangements, did I not? Is there something in particular that you would fancy, perhaps? I am at your service, my lady."

[doctorkilljoy.livejournal.com]

He knew leaving that projector in the Sorting Room was a good idea; someone new had shown up. Dr. Killjoy projected himself near the application and read it very carefully before turning Lestat.

"Your bribe doesn't interest me, I'm afraid, unless you happen to have the latest edition of the DSM* on your person. Tell me about being a vampire. Hollywood makes it sound most dreadful, but you don't look much like one of theirs."

*The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders
Repost because preview is my friend.

[lestat-d-l.livejournal.com]

"I regret to say that I left my copy of the DSM at home, but I am most willing to fill you in on the details of vampirism. I can tell you, for one thing, that it is quite splendid, unless you happen to be someone who just enjoys whining all the time."

His brows furrowed a bit, he couldn't help thinking of Louis. He could still clearly remember him when he was newly made, foraging for rats and poodles instead of real meals.

"Personally, I quite enjoy the experience."

[blue-ataru.livejournal.com]

He didn't look like an Anzat, (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Anzati) but the word "vampire" still rang foul with Aayla. Still, she knew that she shouldn't let her bad experiences with one (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Volfe_Karkko#Escape_and_defeat) bad individual color her opinions.

"Vampire," she said, her voice flat. "What kind?"

[lestat-d-l.livejournal.com]

"Is there more than one kind?" he asked gently, not taken aback by her appearance at all. He was a gentleman. He had tact.

"If there is more, then I genuinely hope that I am the good kind."

[degeneratewolfe.livejournal.com]

"Oh dear, I'm afraid that your bribe is useless to one already dead." Valentine, smiling as ever, regards the new applicant with a certain amount of humor. He didn't look anything like the nearly feral Wampyr of his day, though if his blood carried the same chemical... "However, I would ask a favor. Something you can easily part with. A small amount of your blood, shall we say?"

[lestat-d-l.livejournal.com]

"I hope you won't think it rude of me if I ask for what purpose, and through what method of extracting." came the reply.

It wasn't that Lestat did not trust him, just that experience (and maybe some of his own ways) had taught him the benefit of silver words the art of leaving out a few.. minor.. details.

[traitorormartyr.livejournal.com]

"Eternal life? Even if said person, technically, died?"

[lestat-d-l.livejournal.com]

"What, my friend, do you mean by technically? After all, technically dying is part of the process."

Lestat raised an eyebrow quizzically. He wondered very much what this man was getting at.

[h-m-winter.livejournal.com]

Henry read the application with interest, and eyed the man. "Eternal life?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

[lestat-d-l.livejournal.com]

"Yes of course. A devil's bargain, if you will. A few minor strings attached, but it's a small price to pay to live through the ages."

Lestat raised an eyebrow, studying the man to see if he would take interest or show fear in the stipulations.

[wh0-kill3d-m3.livejournal.com]

Am I reading this right? *squints at application* Here in the harassment question. Are you saying that sex with you is lethal?

[lestat-d-l.livejournal.com]

Lestat did not know how to tell her that, despite his many attractions to women (and... others), he couldn't actually have sex with them. Ohhh the enjoyment he could bring, until they were, yes, incredibly satisfied. But, that was not the same as sex.

"Notsomuch lethal. At least, not if I'm seducing you as something other than a food source."

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

Oh, boy. Another (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/1083246.html) vampire (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/1303525.html). The Hat had its checklist ready.

"Right, so we've already got a check by 'lactose intolerance'. When was the last time you knew love? Was it centuries ago? Are you really into fashion? Would you mind opening your eyes more widely so I can see what gemstone they resemble most? Have you got a towel with you?"

[lestat-d-l.livejournal.com]

Lestat's eyes were already opened quite widely, as he was being spoken to by a talking hat, but all the same, he opened them a bit more widely.

"What kind of love, I prefer to be well-dressed, if that's what you mean, and no, I don't happen to have a towel with me at the moment." He replied, answering in a rapid-fire spillout of words.

Honestly, he just wanted to finish speaking so he could see the hat do it again.

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

I imagine keeping you in the darkest house will help you from finding love after all these centuries.

Your bribe has been accepted!

Welcome to Slytherin!