Application: Lestat de Lioncourt, from Interview With the Vampire

[lestat-d-l.livejournal.com]

A very pale man entered the room, bright blue eyes taking in everything while a huge grin swept over his features. He seemed utterly entranced with the entire place, though so far he had only seen the stone walls and a desk with a chair just waiting to have the pleasure of his ass sitting on it. His clothes were a bit... dated, though quite high society, and he straightened the lace sticking out from under a jacket sleeve as his other hand ran down one of the walls.

"Just lovely!" he gasped. "Such workmanship I haven't seen in a long time."
He knew he was in a castle. He could tell. Hell, the place positively reeked of castle-ness. He moved to the chair and stroked its back, almost like a lover, before swiveling around to sit in it.

"All I have to do to stay is fill out an application?" He raised an eyebrow. "This is too easy."

Usually he had to turn on a little charm, or at least dispose of the current residents, before being able to do as he pleased in castles.



1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

Hmm... I don't eat cheese, you know. You could call me lactose intolerant. Or just.. food intolerant. I prefer much tastier things. If you ask very nicely, I might let you in on what they might be.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

Neither would taste very good, in my opinion, and since I don't have to put up with them myself, I would rather let someone else have the pleasure.

3. What time is it where you are?

Night time, of course.

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Sexual harassment, you say? I can tell you that I have never been turned away when I seek sexual company, and so it really doesn't count as harassment, now does it? Deadly, maybe, but not harassing.

5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

Oh come now, isn't every dreary little bar named the same thing nowadays? Honestly, you might as well call it what it is, Dreary Little Bar.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

Marriage? Why on earth would the boy want to settle down with either? You're only limiting your options then.

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

I guess someone forgot to leave a sign on the door stating that the next piece of paperwork received will lead to the inexplicable demise of the person leaving it.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

Useless? Really now, if there is anything I'm not, it's useless. I have a multitude of talents, not to mention the added perks that come with being a vampire such as myself.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

"I offer the greatest gift of all. Eternal life, to anyone brave enough to take it! Of course, if that isn't what you're into, maybe we can see about making... other... arrangements."

"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. _____Lestat_______
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ___Lestat________.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. __Lestat_________.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ____Lestat_________"

Comments

[daxtastic.livejournal.com]

"Yes, but what about the rather prevalent contingent of castle residents who already have eternal life? Or even near-eternal." Sigh. People never stopped to think of the immortal-esque.

[lestat-d-l.livejournal.com]

"As I said, other arrangements can be made, dear lady. Do you fancy something else? If I have it, I'm sure I can spare it for such a lovely woman."

[daxtastic.livejournal.com]

"Actually, I'm only marginally a women," she said with a smile. Oh, Dax. Stop leading new students into thinking you're a transvestite. "I would ask that you not go around turning our more human students into vampires." In any case, weren't they supposed to picky about that sort of thing? Ah well. "But I don't foresee that being a problem. No one can be killed on school grounds."

[lestat-d-l.livejournal.com]

"And if all the students here are as lovely as you, I could not possibly bring myself to end any of them, even if they are only marginally women."

He looked a bit more serious then, and nodded to himself.

"As for making more like me, I would only if they asked. Give them the choice I never had, as it were."

[daxtastic.livejournal.com]

"And what about the students you don't find particularly 'lovely'?" While the campus was secure, there were cities nearby. It would take far more than a 'lovely' to get her to overlook a potential admission of future murder.

"That's very generous of you," Dax said, smile appearing nothing but earnest. Really. Not every vampire could be interesting, she supposed.

[lestat-d-l.livejournal.com]

"I suppose if you cannot see the inherent beauty in death, we are a bit at odds. The fleeting nature of the human species is what makes them so deliciously inviting, and through death only can you truly see just how fragile they really are."

He straightened his jacket and stood just a tad more stiffly.

"However, if you truly cannot support my dining habits, then I suppose I will just have to promise to be a good boy." He grinned wryly at her. "Scout's honor."

[daxtastic.livejournal.com]

"Young man," she said, in a tone most often used to discipline wayward adolescents. "I've lived no less than eight lives, and all of them to the fullest. I understand the beauty, the frailty, and the sense of wonder inherent at the end of a life's journey. And unlike you, I understand that same sense of beauty is not there for your pleasure. Death is not a form of entertainment, and you belittle it by acting otherwise."

"I’m glad to hear that," she said, smiling. "Because if I get the merest hint that you've harmed a single soul while enrolled at this institution, you will regret it. In a manner most sharp and painful. Are we clear?" The Bat'Leth hanging above Dax's doorway wasn't just ornamental!

[lestat-d-l.livejournal.com]

Lestat did not feel the least bit chastised by her words. Over the course of his lifetime many a person had informed him of just how "base and disgusting" his eating habits could be, and never had it deterred him.

"You are kind, miss. I do hope this nature is not just for me, as others deserve to be touched by it as well."

It was always hard to tell if he was being sincere or dramatic, but for the moment he had no intention to go against his promise.

Vote: Slytherin

[daxtastic.livejournal.com]

((Sorry about the lag time!))

For Kah'less sake. He was worse than Q!

"Perish the thought," she said evenly. "Now, is that whole business about being allergic to sunlight true? If so, Slytherin is probably in your best interests."

[c-macaulay.livejournal.com]

(( 'Oh, Dax. Stop leading new students into thinking you're a transvestite.' *dies so dead* ))