hh_mirror | Application for Damien Thorn

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
The cheddar from Thorn Industries, of course! We use only the best soy in our food products.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
I wouldn't kill anyone. However, it would be a terrible misfortune if my dog was to get loose in the vicinity of either of them. I believe he would go after Carrottop first.

3. What time is it where you are?
6:24, if you must know. I do not care for people who have to rely on others to know what is going on around them.

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Harassment is so...crass. I prefer to think of it as enjoying darker forms of human desires. n Pleasure and pain are truly one in sex. Why would I deny this exquisite form of torture to any member of the Order?

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
The Crown of Thorns.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Harry should marry Fred and keep George as his lover. When he gets bored with the arrangement, he can swap them out.

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
You keep putting paper on the desk, obviously.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
I am the CEO of a global corporation, an Ambassador, and the Antichrist. I can control animals and the weak minded with the strength of my will. The powers of Hell are at my command. I also throw fantastic parties.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
I could offer you your deepest, darkest fantasies and perversions, but I see that has already been done. I strive to be unique, so instead I offer you forgiveness. Your sins are no longer marks on your soul, but instead are glorious praises to my Father. When I take over Heaven, Hell, and Earth, you shall be rewarded for your crimes. For what man's virtues outweigh his sins?

If THAT doesn't work, I ran across a Girl Scout troop this afternoon. You can have the Girl Scouts or the cookies, I don't care which.

If I may, I'd like to offer a few more items to my bribe. I have a small collection of knives, a few extremly rare artifacts, and several antique books on Biblical history.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

...for an Antichrist, you're pretty dull. How many times are we supposed to listen to warmed-over LaVeyan rhetoric anyway?

Bitchiwitch.

Yes, my timing does seem to be extremely bad. Is there anything I can offer you to change your mind?

...interesting turn of phrase, actually. Since my mind and its need for alteration is the issue I so often face. But I don't intend to discuss that with you.

Or to put it simply, no.

That's a shame. Changing minds is one of my specialties.

Which is enough for me to consider changing my vote to squib.

Ooh, I like girl scout cookies! ^.^

I think you should be a Slytherin.

Thank you. Would you like Thin Mints or something else? They had a lot of cookies.

Oooh, thin mints are my FAVORITE! ^^

I never said I would change your mind.

Here you go.

So be it. I shall have to meet this blond antichrist.

You're not going to.

*narrows eyes and gets a cold, hard expression on his normally cheerful face*

Well, you've met him. And you don't offer anythin' that anybody wants.

*same cold expression* Pleased to meet you.

((OOC: This could be interesting. Could you please point me in the direction of some background material on Adam?))

Cookies, Girl Scouts, forgiveness...such boring, silly bribes. If you are as powerful as you insinuate, I would think that you would be capable of so much more. But you seem as though you could be useful, somehow.

Tell me about the powers of Hell. They sound as though they could be potent enough for me to Sort you into Hufflepuff.

There's the fire and brimstone, naturally, but anyone can start a fire. The legions of demons are useful. Some powerful humans can learn to influence people and events around them. It would appear as if they have extremely good luck. These are really the only powers humans can harness. As for my favorite power, it would be making people think they are serving God, when they are really working for me.

I don't know yet if I am to meet you.

((Indeed. :D I don't know that there's much on the internet, but I'll give you what I can. His physical description is here (http://average-adam.livejournal.com/profile). He's a character from a book called Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman. Attempting to keep the story short, due to a mix-up in babies, Adam is raised by a perfectly normal British family with no influences from Heaven (in the form of an angel named Aziraphale) or Hell (in the form of a demon named Crowley). On his 11th birthday he comes into his full powers and is supposed to destroy the world and allow for the final battle between Heaven and Hell, but he decides not to. Raised as a human, he thinks like a human, and figures that after all this "messin' about" people should be allowed to just live their lives and figure things out on their own. So he's essentially the perfect neutral. That's where his canon ends. I'm playing him at the age of 19. He likes nearly everyone, is a happy, cheerful boy, and can change reality at the merest thought, although he tries not to. He's worried about losing control and accidentally destroying the world and is exceptionally moral. He'll be quite antagonistic to anyone wanting to take over the world. That's all I can think of at the moment. Let me know if you have any questions!))

Now, the powers of influence I would like to learn, but I suppose there might be a catch, and I don't hold with catches. Oh dear, what to request...

...what about DEATH's sword, sir? I would think a being like you would have no problem giving me a simple sword, even if it is rather more powerful than the average blade, and perhaps more difficult to attain.
Give me that, and I shall Sort you wherever you like.

I have no qualms about granting you this sword, as it cannot hurt me. However, the original owner does not seemed inclined to give it up. I can give you this sword in a few days, or I can offer you another artifact now. I have recently been collecting cursed knives. One swift strike is all that is needed to dispatch a mortal enemy.

I can easily destroy mortal opponents with simple knives. I'm not looking to kill mere mortals with the sword. I must admit that no other artifact really appeals to me.

I will wait for the sword, or one of identical build.

Fair enough. The sword shall be yours, then.

Thank you very much, sir.

Which House do you want to be Sorted into?

I'm thinking Qanonreip, myself. Those bribes are totally uninteresting. ~~Except for the Thin Mints.~~

I would say Gryffindor, but you already seem to have an Antichirst there, and we are not getting along very well. I think Hufflepuff will work well for me. Very hardworking people there.

I've got loads of them. And Samoas, they're my personal favorite.

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Application for Damien Thorn

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::Screened for the Assassin and the Antichrist::

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::Screened for the Assassin and the Antichrist::

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