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Hey Peoples,

So, I was making some cookies, and I ran into a bit of a problem. Who knew that 4 dozen really meant 46? I kinda accidentally made a few dozen dozen cookies, and I need some help eating them. You all will help a sister out, right?

Love ya!

Roxy

PS. Ignore the burning smell. It will go away.

(If one were to shift the cookies around, a person would notice a pile of black, charred hunks suitable only for use as hockey pucks under the first layer of edible cookies.)

((These are magical cookies with random, non-fatal results. Effects and duration are up to the muns involved.))

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'You swore,' she points out, fast as lightning. 'That makes you a hippo-crit.'

At the poison remark, her eyes widen. 'Do we need to pump your fuckin' stomach? Are you going to bloody die?'

She needs instructions of where to *insert* the swearwords, too...

Jack facepalmed. At this point the whole situation had gone beyond mortifying into the realm of the completely absurd, and he couldn't help starting to laugh. "Dude, I'm OK, it's just some sort of freakin' spell, yo." Ah, a full sentence without a swear word. He was making progress!

'A spell? If I eat them, I could turn into a toy plane or something?' she says disapprovingly. Magic should be used for seriousness.

Yet, timidly, 'M'I really a dude?'

"Man, I have no freakin' idea what a plane is." He seemed to be getting this under control, but the weird slang was still throwing him off. "Shit, I don't know what 'dude' means either." Oh bloody hell, he gave up. She didn't seem to care if he swore, anyway. "It's the freakin' biscuits. I don't know half of what the hell I'm fuckin' saying here, man."

In a nannyish tone of voice (because someone has to hold this place together), 'It's alright, you know. Have a cry if you feel like it. It'll all be better in the morning.'

Jack started laughing again at Rose's solicitude. He suddenly recalled that a "plane" was a ship that flew through the air - Molly had told him about them - and wondered if one of these biscuits really would turn one into a toy plane. Perhaps he ought to get Rose away from the temptation lest she succumb. So, naturally, he said, "C'mon, kid, let's blow this joint."

Now that one she really is stuck on.

Grabbing a few biscuits for safekeeping--in case she needed to become a toy plane, for example--she nods, having no idea what he's on about.

She knows what comes next, though.

'Last day on the force,' she agrees gruffly. 'Your line!'

Jack had no idea what he was on about either, or what Rose was on about for that matter, but he did know that Rose oughtn't to eat any of the magic biscuits. "Dude, put the biscuits back and let's get the hell out of here, man."

Rose glares, showing her teeth, stuffs the cookies into her pocket to give to people she doesn't like very much (like Daddy), and shows willing by stepping away from the table.

Jack was starting to realize that he was really not very good at telling children what to do - perhaps because, as a ship's captain, he was accustomed to being instantly obeyed. He sighed and gave up.

He did want some more of those biscuits, though - they were certainly a capital invention. So he said, "Yo, dude, I'm goin' to the fuckin' kitchen to see if those freakin' house-elves can make some more of those tasty-ass biscuits without any goddamned spells on them. You wanna come?"

What was especially odd was that though he knew what he intended to say, he could barely understand a word of what he actually did say. He felt as if he was speaking in tongues.

She considers.

'Alright, then. As long as some have chocolate in them. Did you like them before they made your speech odd?'

"Man, they were fuckin' tasty!" Jack said enthusiastically. In his day, chocolate was consumed as a beverage, not as a candy, and he had never encountered anything like these biscuits before.

'I will have to make you a chocolate pizza one day, then,' says the small girl happily. 'It has all different kinds of chocolate on a biscuit base.'

"Dude, that would rock." Jack wasn't entirely sure what a "pizza" was - the word was, of course, Italian for "pie," but Jack only knew (or thought he knew) French and Spanish. But if chocolate was involved, it would no doubt be worth trying. "C'mon, kid." He headed off for the kitchens.

Rose shrugs, and follows the crazy dude man. Real pizza would have to wait.

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