hh_mirror | Peace and Quiet ((open rp))

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Peace and Quiet ((open rp))

John sat comfortably in a corner of Ravenclaw’s bar, nursing a scotch. The prank war was finally over and everyone was back to their appropriate age. Calm had descended on his family, at least for now. He spun the glass between his fingers, watching the amber liquid swirl in the half light. While he had been gone, his family had grown. Bobby had become a second father to Sam and Dean; he was glad for that. It was the angel that he hadn’t quite figured out yet. He was.. odd.

It was obvious that the boys thought pretty highly of him. They had been in a near panic when their spell had misfired and didn’t rest until Castiel had been found. And the angel had been wearing his watch for fuck’s sake. The watch he had left to Sammy after he died. John didn’t want to admit how much that stung. They had fought so much when he was a kid; he had hoped that Sammy would have wanted to hold on to just one small piece of him, some reminder that his Dad loved him.

He sat back, continuing to fiddle with the glass as he let his thoughts drift.

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"No, it's not and easy thing to change," he agreed. John was beginning to develop his own respect for the angel.

He looked down at his hands, surprised. "I.. no. I wasn't exactly what you would call a man of deep faith before Mary had been killed. After that, I lost what little faith I had. I knew there was a Hell, and I knew there were demons. But Heaven?" he shook his head. "It was too far away, too removed while I was trying desperately to keep my family together and keep my sons safe."

Cas nodded as he refilled his glass; he could relate. "I think all of us have suffered our crises of faith." He smiled ruefully. "In fact, it's been something of an epidemic in recent months. But Heaven is real, and that disconnection is something I intend to try to change, if I get the opportunity." He knew he might be pointlessly spinning his wheels, making plans in that direction, but it was difficult to put it out of his mind. If Dean suffered for lack of anything to hunt here, he was just as stuck for any goals to pursue, orders to follow, battles to fight.

He considered the man's final statement thoughtfully. "You raised your sons to be fine men," he said. "Considering the forces that were arrayed against you, I don't know how you could possibly have been any more successful."

Dean had once described John Winchester as a 'deadbeat dad,' but it was clear, talking to the man, that his job had not been an easy one. Whatever his failings as a father, they obviously couldn't be chalked up to not caring. Castiel filed that observation away for later consideration; maybe it was normal for sons to have a blind spot when it came to the choices their fathers made.

"Given what's happened, I'm not surprised," he noted, taking a long swallow from his glass. There had been moments over the years when he would look up at the night sky and talk to the stars, wishing that somehow Mary could hear him. It was the closest John ever got to prayer.

"I couldn't be prouder of Sam and Dean. They're damn good kids, even if I was too lost to see it most days when they were younger," there was a bitter note of regret in his voice. "I know the boys didn't go through it alone, and for that I'm grateful to both you and Bobby."

"It's been my privilege. And probably my salvation," the angel said seriously. "If I hadn't met them, I'd likely be dead, like many from my garrison, or turned to Hell's service as several others were." As difficult and painful as his path had been, it was infinitely better than either of those alternatives. "Dean has a gift for forging ahead no matter the odds, drawing others along in his wake when they would have foundered alone."

He paused a beat. "Unfortunately, there are times when that can translate into plowing headlong into a stone wall and creating a pile-up. Nevertheless, none of us would be here if not for him."

Despite the horrifying news the angel had recently given him, John sat back and genuinely laughed at his very apt description of Dean's determination and the occasional disaster that resulted when his sheer stubbornness would lead him wildly off track. "Once the boy gets an idea in his head, there's no dislodging it."

John set down his drink and considered the angel across the table. "I can see why Dean and Sammy consider you part of the family," he said, his eyes drifting down to the old watch. Castiel was honest, honorable, and someone John knew he'd want at his back in the middle of a fight.

Cas had been hoping he might elicit at least a smile with that statement, after everything he'd dropped onto John's shoulders, though he'd also meant it quite seriously. But the man's observation startled him a bit, and he followed John's gaze to the watch. He'd grown so used to wearing it he hadn't stopped to consider what John might think.

"I'm not unaware of the implications. Or ungrateful," he assured the man.

"Sam honored me by giving this to me as a Christmas gift." He took the watch off and studied it thoughtfully. He hoped John wasn't offended to see him with it. "Because of the inscription, he said. Semper Fidelis. I told him that I didn't know I had earned it, but he insisted." He looked up a bit apprehensively. "I don't believe that he intended to show disrespect to you--to your memory."

None of them had much here that was of any value, sentimental or otherwise. Castiel thought Sam might have given him the most valuable thing he owned, and he was certain the young man would not have made such a decision lightly. "But if you'd rather that I didn't wear it, I can put it away."

Edited 2011-01-22 06:15 (UTC)

"Me and Sam.. it's always been hard for us. We fought from the time he was a teenager right up until the day I died." John had bitterly regretted not saying goodbye to his youngest, but he had been afraid. He had failed Sam so many times in the past, Dean had to be the one to survive and look out for his brother.

"I wanted to do right by him; to make him ready for what was coming. I had an inkling of what the demon's plans were for Sammy. I pushed him too hard, I pushed them both too hard. When he left us to go to college, I let him go. I didn't go after him, even though I wanted to. I thought if he had a chance at a normal life, he deserved it. It was all he ever wanted and I couldn’t give it to him.”

John drained his glass in one swallow, savoring the burn. He loved his sons fiercely, but he had been a damned coward. “I should have told them everything.”

The elder Winchester shook himself and raised his eyes back to Castiel and his offer. “No. Sam gave it to you for a reason. If he wanted you to wear it, then please, keep wearing it.”

Sooner or later, he was going to have to talk to both Sam and Dean. He couldn’t make up for past mistakes, but he could at least attempt to apologize to them.

The angel nodded and put the watch back on, relieved; what it represented was important to him, and he was glad he wouldn't have to hide it.

"Some of the things that have happened are...too personal for you to hear from me," he said. Maybe some of the things he'd already said had been; it wasn't something he was very good at judging, but the matter of Sam as Lucifer's vessel, that he knew the man should hear from his sons. "But you should know that in the end it was Sam who put Lucifer down. Dean made it possible, and Bobby and I were there, but it was his strength that won the day."

He leaned in slightly, compelled to address the misplaced pain he saw the man carrying. "You may not have been a perfect father. But you gave them everything that they needed to save Creation from ruin. Strength. Conviction. Faith in one another. No one else could have done it, John. You did not fail your sons."

John swallowed hard around a rising tightness in his throat. There was more to tell and he was holding it back? Jesus. That was never good. How bad had it gotten for them? How bad had it gotten for Sammy?

"Sammy did it, huh?" He had heard as much from Dean, even if Sam tried to brush off that credit. John couldn't help the surge of pride, even as his eyes began to well up. The angel had seen right through to the heart of his fears; that he had been so obsessed with his hunt for the demon that he had failed Sam and Dean on a fundamental level. The emotions were too new and too raw for him to even attempt to tamp them down.

"I'm glad he didn't have to do it alone," he managed. "Thank you."

It was another one of those awkward, all-too-common moments when Castiel was convinced he would never overcome his clumsiness with the social graces.

"I've upset you," he said, his own distress evident in the way his gaze darted restlessly around the room, seeking a way to fix things and not finding it. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to." He forced his focus back to John, adding, "All of that is behind us now. The boys are still recovering, we all are, but they're going to be fine."

Neither of them needed to hear the addendum, for now, though he couldn't stop himself thinking it.

"Don't apologize," John said, struggling to get himself back under control. "It was time I heard more about what happened after I died, and I'm glad you told me, even if it's not easy for a father to hear."

"Is there something that I can do? For any of you?" If there was one thing John needed, it was to feel useful. He had to do something to help his new and extended family as they mended.

Cas thought about it. "Possibly. I think the reason the pranks keep getting out of control is that no one knows what to do with themselves here. There's nothing to hunt, no crisis to solve, no battles to fight and no civilians who need saving. Downtime is something that we all needed, badly, but here we've got too much of a good thing. It leaves far too much time for introspection." He shrugged slightly. "We could all use something to keep us occupied. But what, eludes me."

Edited 2011-01-22 20:54 (UTC)

"There's always the Forbidden Forest," John said. "There are packs of spiders about the size of a Chevette called acromantulas. I'm sure some of the nests could stand to be cleaned out from time to time."

He hesitated to bring up the tower that had sickened Bobby. Yes, they had been children, but he had a better sense of the angel now and wondered how much he blamed himself for what had happened.

Cas tilted his head slightly, his interest piqued. "I hadn't realized. I'd assumed 'Forbidden Forest' was meant literally." Giant spiders were certainly right up Sam and Dean's alley--unnatural, dangerous and morally unambiguous--and he wouldn't mind testing himself against such a creature either. "It might prove a worthwhile diversion." It certainly had to be better than sitting around waiting for Dean's restlessness to get the better of his common sense again...

John chuckled, "Most of the rules seem to be made to be bent or broken around here. I think the title is more to try and intimidate than a literal 'do not enter'. We can probably scrounge up enough weapons for a little hunting party in a few days for you and the boys."

"I'm already armed," Cas noted absently, "but I'm not sure whether they are. You wouldn't care to join us?" John was, after all, a hunter as well, the one who'd taught his friends their craft, and the angel had never had a chance to observe his technique.

"If they remember anything I've taught them, they're armed on some level."

He grinned, pleased to be invited along. "I'd like that. I could use a stretch myself."

"I'll bring it up the next time I see them." The prospect of a good fight alongside trusted companions, without the pressure of the world's fate or their own hanging in the balance, was more than a little appealing.

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Peace and Quiet ((open rp))

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