I blink and then smile. "But, if my Near is gone, then who will I hold? I can't hold Matt, L's got him and I don't want to hold L. If you go, I'd have to follow you so I could hold you." I nod solemnly. At this stage of intoxication, holding is very important. I lean over and whisper in Near's ear, "I used to have a very large Bear that I'd hold. Don't tell." And, then I giggle again.