Oh, dear God, no! He couldn't be friends with Dr. Cox! No! That would just... the world would break. There would be too much sarcasm! Doug looked, if possible, MORE terrified, his eyes widening to astronomical widths as House spoke. This was... And he had been holding such high hopes for this school. Now it was just a place of horror. Pure, unadultered horror.

"You two are friends?" he squeaked in a high-pitched, petrified voice. "You... you lock them in rooms? Oh, God, oh, God, I'm claustrophobic!" This was high school all over again, getting strung up by his tighty whities in the locker room.