Closed RP: Hakkai, Sanzo, Gojyo. Another unhappy birthday. <3

[perverted-kappa.livejournal.com]

((Backdated to November 29th. Probably won't contain much wrongness, but will have swearing and possibly some wangst, so plz don't read if that bothers you~.))

It had taken a bit of practise over the course of a few days, but Gojyo was finally able to figure out how to get the Room of Requirement to do what he wanted it to. The end result was a stable with a fully stocked bar on one side, and a karaoke setup on the other. The plush toy cow he'd bought weeks earlier had been transfigured into a real cow, had a big red bow tied around her neck and a smaller bow tied on the end of her tail, and was put in one of the stalls where she would stay until her new owner showed up.

Hakkai had stupidly generously volunteered to be the one to talk Sanzo into coming to his own birthday party, and that gave Gojyo enough time to request the rest of what was needed from a convenient house-elf and finish hanging the obnoxious party decorations. Sanzo would undoubtedly loathe the entire thing as though it were torture. The thought made Gojyo smile.

Comments

[worldly_monk]

Sanzo was currently hiding out reading in an unused classroom. He was tired of reading in his room, and he couldn't smoke in the library. There was a book open on the desk in front of him, but at the moment he was just sitting with his feet resting on another chair, smoking and staring out the window.

He knew Hakkai & Gojyo weren't going to let him ignore his birthday. Hopefully whatever they came up with wouldn't be too horrible.

[polite-sinner.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately for Sanzo, Hakkai wasn't actually that nice, all bright smiles and cheerful politness aside.

Hakkai had left the decorating to Gojyo, which, if he were honest, he probably would have admitted was the easiest part about this entire thing. The most difficult aspect of throwing a birthday party for Sanzo would probably be getting Sanzo to actually participate in it -- and given their current and extremely awkward track record with birthdays, this would be difficult indeed. At least Gojyo's birthday party (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/981786.html) had been considerably closer to the mark than Hakkai's (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/981786.html); perhaps that meant they were getting better about these things?

It wasn't too difficult for Hakkai to track the priest down to the empty classroom. (If asked, he would have stated that he was following the aura of annoyance and ill-temper, though it was more likely that he was following the scent of Sanzo's particular brand of cigarettes.) He entered quietly and walked over to the desk, glancing at the book and smiling teasingly. "Correct me if I've remembered wrong, but didn't you say that you didn't want to study magic on your birthday, Sanzo?"

[worldly_monk]

Sanzo glanced over when he heard Hakkai's voice, not surprised that Hakkai had found him. "I'm not. Not exactly. This one is just for entertainment value." He picked up the book, and held it so Hakkai could see the cover: Magical Creatures of China and Japan. "Most of the information is just plain wrong. The author seems to think that all 'youkai' are monstrous creatures that eat children." He set the book back down and closed it, not bothering to mark his place. "There is a whole section about kappas however, including a chapter about their mating practices," he said, with a smirk.

He put out his cigarette in the ashtray he'd brought with him, and looked up at Hakkai again. "Were you looking for me? Or just wandering the halls?"

[polite-sinner.livejournal.com]

The kappa joke, of course, hadn't been lost on him, and he laughed conspirationally. With a questioning look first, silently asking for permission, he picked up the book and turned the pages idly. "I don't suppose this text has a section in regards to tracking down elusive Sanzo priests, seeking to avoid celebrating their birthdays, does it? I think that would be quite handy for future reference."

He placed the book back down, clasping his hands behind his back. "Would you believe me if I said 'just wandering the halls'?" He waited a beat before shaking his head. "Ah, no, I suppose you wouldn't. Well, more accurately then, I was wandering the halls looking for you. Ah ha ha, I suppose I should just get straight to the point, shouldn't I? You and Gojyo both appreciate a more direct approach, after all. . .

"Now, as I'm sure you're probably already aware, since you've attempted to hide yourself in this classroom, it's your birthday. And I'm sure you're also aware that, ostensibly, it's your decision as to whether or not you would like to celebrate it." His smile widened a little, almost apologetically. "Actually, that second part is what I would be saying if these were normal circumstances, but unfortunately, a 'normal circumstance' is only very rarely the case with us. Ah, to get back to my point, what I'm not sure about is if you'll feel like cooperating, or if you'll feel like being stubborn?"

[worldly_monk]

"I don't think Sanzo priests qualify as magical creatures," he replied, with only a hint of sarcasm. Sanzo watched Hakkai dance around the subject of his birthday with a look on his face that could possibly be described as 'fond annoyance'.

"I wasn't hiding," he protested, when Hakkai finally wound down. It wasn't considered hiding if you knew you'd eventually be found anyway, right? Sanzo sighed, then asked, "Two questions. How much am I going to hate it, and is there alcohol involved?"

Without really waiting for Hakkai's answer, he got up from the desk and collected the book. "You can tell me on the way to wherever we're going." He gestured for Hakkai to lead the way, resigned to his fate.

[polite-sinner.livejournal.com]

He was relieved when Sanzo decided to go the less headache-inducing route, and he walked back out into the hallway. "Hate is such a strong term, don't you think?" he said lightly as he led the way up several flights of stairs. What Hakkai neglected to say was that he was pretty sure that the priest was, at the very least, probably going to dislike the set-up they had planned a great deal. "As to the second question -- ah, I believe there is, though personally, I'm hoping not very much of it will be utilized."

When they reached the seventh floor, Hakkai paused. Turning back to face Sanzo, he smiled his brightest smile and asked, "Would it be too much if I asked you to simply play along and close your eyes? This ought to be a surprise, after all!"

[worldly_monk]

Sanzo rolled his eyes, but acknowledged the toasts and took a drink. He heard Gojyo say something after that, but couldn't tell what he said. Odds were good it wasn't anything Sanzo really wanted to hear anyway.

"Hakkai's the one that brought up the elephants and giraffes," he protested. "I don't need a herd of cattle. Or a bunch of turtles either for that matter. And I have no idea what to name a cow." He frowned at the door as Gojyo left, then turned to Hakkai. "So what next? I'll tell you right now, I'm not singing karaoke."

The book he'd been reading earlier was sitting on the bar. Sanzo pulled it over, found the chapter on kappa behavior ('...according to various legends, it feeds on their blood, or drains their life force, or pulls out their livers through their anuses...') and left it sitting open. "Where did you get a cow anyway?"

[polite-sinner.livejournal.com]

"Now, now, turtles are a sign of longevity and good fortune, aren't they?" Hakkai said mildly, nodding to Gojyo as he left. "And besides, isn't there a Buddhist tradition (http://web.singnet.com.sg/~alankhoo/Observances.htm) involving the release of turtles into the wild? It would be relatively convenient for you, then, one would think! You wouldn't have to find or purchase the poor things yourself, in that case."

Hakkai arched an eyebrow as Sanzo flipped the book open, skimming the passage briefly but not commenting on it aloud. "Oh, of course, we're not going to force you to do something if you have no desire to do it! We're not so heartless, after all. Most of the time." He smiled winningly, before answering Sanzo's last question with a brief gesture. "Some place," he replied vaguely, laughing a little. He was rather proud of his handiwork (he managed to transfigure the doll in one try, without turning the toy into something unfortunate, like a tentacle monster or something equally horrible), but he wasn't about to show-off. At least, not yet -- but when he did, it would never be outright. "I'm afraid I'm no good with naming things, either. Ah, I would suggest you name her 'Bessie,' but that name is so cliched for cows, don't you think?"

[perverted-kappa.livejournal.com]

The book had been pre-wrapped by a house-elf, so all that was left for Gojyo to do was to set it on Sanzo's pillow where it'd be hard to miss once the monk returned to his room. Several of the pages with rather interesting positions had been bookmarked in advance, primarily as a joke, as he sincerely doubted Sanzo was ever going to finish what they'd started. When nothing came of their last exchange, Gojyo had decided that it was for the best, since becoming involved with someone he'd have to see again afterward wasn't really his thing, anyway.

Guys weren't his thing either, he had to remember. Nor was attempting to seduce someone over a period of months -- hours, sure; days, maybe; definitely not months. When he thought of it that way, the only explanation for why he'd wasted so much time and energy on Sanzo was because there wasn't anyonething else to do at the school, really. Even if he was interested in learning magic, which he wasn't, there'd been all of maybe three classes held since he'd arrived. And he was convinced Ravenclaw was the House for lesbians. That could be the only reason why women weren't lining up to sleep with him, surely.

He quickly lit a cigarette before walking back into the Room of Requirement and took a seat at the bar again, slouching comfortably with his elbows resting on the bartop. He paid no mind to the open book. "So what're we gonna call your new pet?" he asked, finishing off his beer between drags on his cigarette. He glanced from Hakkai to Sanzo, smirking. "Let me guess. 'Stupid Cow'? Heh, you'd better make sure your stupid monkey doesn't eat her. Maybe he can learn to milk her for you."

[worldly_monk]

"You want to give me turtles just so I can release them?" Somewhere along the line, the conversation had gone surreal, and Sanzo wasn't sure when that had happened. Gojyo and Hakkai were apparently fixated on giving him animals. He took a quick look at the bottle Hakkai had poured for him, but it wasn't that Galactic-whatsit shit, so he wasn't drunk. Yet.

He glanced at Gojyo when he sat back down, then looked over at the cow again and shrugged. "'Stupid Cow' works for me. Hakkai would probably name her 'Brown Cow', and you would probably give her some girl's name," Sanzo replied. "Since you're both so concerned about my diet, did you bring anything for people to eat?" He wasn't sure when he had eaten last. Coffee for breakfast probably.

[polite-sinner.livejournal.com]

Giving a sort of resigned shrug, Hakkai refilled Gojyo's mug when he noticed it was empty. "Well, it would be more for temporary companionship, more like -- but it's simply a suggestion, of course. I might just be testing the waters for gift ideas for next year, even. I suppose you'd appreciate gifts of a more practical nature, though, wouldn't you? How difficult!" He paused before picking up a small box from behind the bar, wrapped neatly in green paper (the same kind he had used for Gojyo's gift (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/981786.html?thread=48812826#t48812826) a few weeks before), containing a cigarette lighter (http://pics.livejournal.com/polite_sinner/pic/0001p9ss); he placed it on the bartop in front of the monk. "Well, happy birthday, then, Sanzo. I hope you find use for that, though not too often."

Hakkai laughed a little abashedly. "Oh? Now, 'Brown Cow.' It's a simple enough name, I think, and it has the added bonus of being easy to remember," he replied, only half joking. "And 'Stupid Cow' is a little degrading to her, don't you think?" He blinked when Sanzo asked about something to eat and looked around for a second. "My, it seems we don't have anything particularly sustaining. Would you two like for me to go fix something for us?"

[perverted-kappa.livejournal.com]

"And what's wrong with a girl's name? She is a girl cow, you know. Unless you really can't tell the difference between a cow and a bull. It's easy -- one has four udders, the other has gigantic..." Gojyo smiled as Hakkai refilled his mug, and raised it in a mock-toast before taking a sip. "Well, just think of that flying spaghetti monster," he snickered. "Betsy wouldn't be a bad name. Betsy the Brown Cow."

The birthday cake was for later, preferably when Sanzo was a bit closer to drunk and wouldn't stubbornly resist making a wish and blowing out his candles, as was the usual birthday tradition around the school, Gojyo had found out. And so he didn't mention the cake. "As long as you don't cover it with mayonnaise." He had to almost literally bite his tongue to keep from making a lewd comment about why Sanzo must like mayonnaise. "I could go for some food, too. I had to skip breakfast and lunch to decorate a room for an ungrateful bastard."

[polite-sinner.livejournal.com]

Hakkai could have said a number of things, such as, "Your behavior certainly makes me wonder sometimes," or "I have a crayon-colored picture with your signature on it that says otherwise," but he only nodded. "Oh, of course. I'm very aware that you're both big boys, capable of behaving civilly." He just sometimes wished they would act more their respective ages. "And I certainly hope you wouldn't make a copy of either of us, Gojyo. Ah ha ha, I can't imagine anyone who would actually want to create duplicates of any of us, honestly. Someone not in his right mind, perhaps."

He paused to consider this but soon shrugged it off. Sipping at his coffee, he said mildly, "Please be sure to finish your coffee and eat something. If you're both going to continue drinking, it really shouldn't be on an empty stomach, after all."

---

A couple hours (and several glasses) later, Hakkai was finishing the last of his mug of beer. The coffee pot, mugs, and food were set aside some time ago after the three of them had finished, though a few untouched sandwiches still remained on the plate. He lifted a bottle and smiled at the two of them (and if either of them were a bit more rosy-cheeked than usual, he pretended not to notice). "Would you like for me to refill your drinks?"

[perverted-kappa.livejournal.com]

Though Gojyo had thus far matched Sanzo drink for drink, give or take a half dozen, he'd barely begun to feel the effects of it about three glasses ago. Maybe if he'd gone with something with higher alcohol content than beer... But, then, Hakkai might not have allowed it, given the events of the recent past, when Gojyo and Sanzo had both been drunk.

Which was all well and good. Gojyo certainly didn't want a repeat of any of that happening. At least not at the moment.

"Sure," he said, sliding his mug to Hakkai for a refill. He glanced at Sanzo, trying to gauge how much more it'd take to get him a bit wasted. That's when the real fun could start.

[worldly_monk]

He hadn't intended to get drunk. Then again, he never did, but it seemed to happen anyway. He wasn't really that drunk now. Everything was just a bit...blurry. Sanzo pushed his glass over to Hakkai. "Thanks." He pulled out a cigarette and blinked at it for a moment before he figured out which end to light. He focused a bit more and managed to light it with no problem. The new lighter really was nice.

All things considered, it wasn't that bad of a birthday party. At least no one had suggested any stupid drinking games yet. He still wasn't sure what the hell he was going to do with a cow.

[polite-sinner.livejournal.com]

Hakkai easily poured the drinks, exhibiting far more coordination than he had any right to, especially considering all of what he'd had to drink. He probably had just as much as both Gojyo and Sanzo, but as per usual, he was as close to showing any signs of being drunk as he would if he'd had nothing alcoholic to drink at all. He placed the mugs back in front of them, though in Sanzo's case, he left it some distance away so that the monk wouldn't be in danger of accidentally knocking it over. (Hakkai also made it a point to give both of them a bit less than he had been pouring before, but that probably wasn't too obvious.)

"What should we do now, do you think?" he asked lightly, as he ducked behind the bar to dispose of the now empty bottle and to produce a new one. Hakkai positioned the ashtray in front of Sanzo out of habit, managing to catch a bit of ash just as it fell from the priest's cigarettes; it was probably difficult to discern whether or not the action had been intentional, but either way, Hakkai didn't seem to acknowledge it.

[perverted-kappa.livejournal.com]

Gojyo set about draining his glass for the nth time, pretending to think about the question.

At length he said, "I feel like a song. Don't you?" He was the very picture of innocence as he smiled pleasantly at Hakkai and then turned his smile on Sanzo. "Ahh, but it wouldn't be right to go before the birthday boy. Our Sanzo-sama gets the honour of going first," Gojyo said, managing to feign a respectful tone for once despite the way he normally used that particular honorific to mock Sanzo. A little ego stroking would hopefully be just the thing to coax the pissy monk into taking the mic.

[worldly_monk]

Sanzo narrowed his eyes. It would take more than a drink or two (or ten) for him to stop being suspicious of Gojyo. "Hmm, it's my birthday, so shouldn't you be entertaining me?" He tapped his cigarette on the rim of the ashtray that had suddenly appeared in front of him, as if by magic. "Why don't you go first?"

[worldly_monk]

"Hmph. I'm not sure these 'customs' really exist. I think the two of you are making this up." Sanzo took the knife anyway. "No beanies. Sweaters would be useful. It gets pretty damn cold in this castle sometimes." He cut three pieces of cake and passed the plates around. "You can skip the initials though. They'd be the same for both of us anyway."

He licked a few stray bits of icing off his fingers, then took a bite of the cake. "This is good," he told Hakkai. "Did Gojyo actually help this time? Or did he just get flour all over the kitchen again, while you did all the work?"

Hakkai had, as usual, guessed correctly on the flavor too. Sanzo's taste in food tended to be on the bland mild side. "I've never actually had a birthday cake before," he remarked, obviously thinking out loud again.

[polite-sinner.livejournal.com]

((OoC: Repost for nit-picky things.))

"Well, I could just put 'S' for Sanzo, and 'G' for Gojyo, if it would make a difference to either of you? It would be useful, I think, for if either of you are in a rush and somehow got your sweaters mixed-up--" Hakkai might have faltered then, briefly considering just what the two of them could possibly be doing together that would warrant their clothes being confused, but if that was the case, it was soon forgotten and his sunny disposition was back in an instant. "I suppose different colors would easily help with that problem, as well. . ."

Taking the plate from Sanzo, Hakkai gave him a one-shouldered shrug. "Oh, no, Gojyo helped in his own way, of course." That probably meant that "his own way" consisted of Gojyo passing various utensils and measuring dry ingredients, then being charged with the arduous task of licking the spoons and bowls.

He blinked when Sanzo mentioned that he'd never received a birthday cake before, but realized after a second that it really wasn't too suprising. After all, it was already established that none of them really made a habit of celebrating their own birthdays; add on top of that the fact that Buddhist monks in training, or just monks in general, most likely adhered to a strict diet (sometimes), and it didn't leave too much room for celebratory sweets in Sanzo's case. "Is that so? Well, I'm glad you like this one, at least." There was a sort of vaguely sincere quality in his voice that could easily be missed by anyone else -- or anyone in some state of inebriation. (Hakkai quickly put the knife away after this thought.) "Hopefully I'll have an opportunity to bake you more birthday cakes in the future, then? If you would like, in any case."

[perverted-kappa.livejournal.com]

Gojyo had been the one to suggest a cake in the first place, and he was regretting doing that much for Sanzo. Not that he expected Sanzo to even pretend to be grateful, at least not to him, but the complete bastard act was getting old. And talking as if he wasn't sitting right there was always a sure way to annoy Gojyo.

He took a plate and nearly missed what Hakkai had inadvertently implied, distracted as he was with his irritation. "Heh. You don't have to worry about any mix-ups." He gave Sanzo a look before turning away, and started eating his cake. It was pretty good, and he was glad Hakkai'd been willing to do all most the work. The cake he and Sanzo had baked hadn't turned out quite as well, not surprisingly.

"Hey, this is my cake too, isn't it? Since I didn't get one. Bastards," he teased. He wouldn't have wanted a cake on his birthday anyway, but he didn't bother mentioning that. And next year, hopefully, he wouldn't receive any love bites from a vampire shortly before his birthday, so that he could actually enjoy the next one. Preferably with a beautiful woman... or two. His irritation was temporarily forgotten as he fantasised about it.

[worldly_monk]

Sanzo was feeling surprisingly mellow. He'd had just enough to drink to put everything into soft focus, including his memories. The only other times he remembered celebrating his birthday had been with Koumyou Sanzo. The monks at Kinzan hadn't known or cared what day Koumyou had chosen for his birthday. Koumyou had always remembered.

Lost in thought, he completely missed the discussion about mixed up sweaters and Gojyo's look. He finished up his slice of cake, and looked up when Hakkai mentioned future birthdays. "Next year it might be safer if you bake your own birthday cake too. I wasn't any better at baking than Gojyo was," Sanzo admitted. "I suspect the house-elves were responsible for it ending up resembling a cake instead of a brick."

Sanzo looked a little surprised when Gojyo mentioned not getting a cake. "I guess we did skip the cake, since you weren't feeling well on your birthday. Do you want us to put the candles back on and light them again? We wouldn't want you to miss out on any birthday traditions," he added, with a slight smile. If he had to play along with the birthday games, then Gojyo should too.

[polite-sinner.livejournal.com]

"Oh, you ought to give yourselves more credit," Hakkai said, waving it off with a vague and what was likely supposed to be a reassuring gesture. "The cake the two of you baked was rather good, and I'm sure there was no magical intervention required to make it that way." Even Hakkai might have been a little dubious about that idea, but if so, he wasn't ever going to say as much.

"At the time, I didn't think something so lacking in nutritional value would have been conducive to someone recovering from massive blood loss," he explained. For a split second, Hakkai looked a little guilty, as though he was about to apologize again for what happened on Halloween. He wasn't sure if that would have simply earned him a few impatient sighs, though, so he held off on it. Instead, he smiled and nodded in agreement with Sanzo's idea. "We could relight the candles, if you'd like, Gojyo. Or I could just make something for you later, even."

[perverted-kappa.livejournal.com]

((Repost to fix a typo.))

"I didn't let those creepy fuckers anywhere near Hakkai's cake, except to send it to the tavern," Gojyo clarified, scowling down at his empty mug. There was something seriously wrong with an entire species that apparently lived only to be slaves, and enjoyed it. He didn't doubt that Sanzo felt perfectly at home at Hogwarts for that very reason.

"Only one wish per cake. Them's the rules." He caught Hakkai's look, and waved off his offer. "Don't worry about it."

Reminded of the events of Halloween, Gojyo took a few moments to think back over the other various magic-fueled disasters that had happened since he'd arrived; one always stood out in his mind. He slowly smiled. "You know, I'd take bleeding to death over having to be in love with that idiot," he gestured toward Sanzo with his cigarette, "any day of the week. Worst experience of my life." The scars on his face were proof enough that it was a blatant lie, but sometimes it was nice pretending that the distant past no longer affected him.

After the party...

[worldly_monk]

The present had been sitting on his pillow when Sanzo had stumbled back to his room after his birthday party. Too drunk and tired to care, he had dropped it on the desk, unopened, and fallen asleep.

It was the first thing he saw when he woke up the next morning. Betsy the toy cow was sitting next to it, which brought back vague memories of the birthday party. (Oh fuck. Had he really sung karaoke last night?) Sanzo buried his head under his pillow with a groan. A few minutes later, he reluctantly tossed the pillow aside and got up. He thought about opening the gift, but decided coffee and something to get rid of his hangover headache were a higher priority. It wasn't until later that afternoon that he finally got around to unwrapping it. He rolled his eyes when he saw the book's title. From Gojyo, of course. He was tempted to just toss it in the trash, but curiosity got the better of him.

A little while later, he closed the book and set it on the desk. It was certainly...enlightening. He smoked in silence for a while, trying to figure out the possible meaning of the gift. It was obviously a joke, but it could also be seen as a suggestion. Sanzo rubbed his forehead with one hand. Trying to figure out Gojyo always gave him a headache. Maybe it was just Gojyo's idea of entertaining reading material (judging by the bookmarks he'd found). He wasn't sure if he wanted to thank Gojyo, or hit him over the head with the book. Thinking about 'Things To Do To Gojyo' brought a few other suggestions to mind (with corresponding page numbers), and he crushed out his cigarette with more force than necessary.

He and Gojyo had been dancing around this...flirtation for months, ever since Gojyo had arrived at Hogwarts. Maybe it was time for them to settle it, one way or another. If Gojyo was just joking, Sanzo would hit him with the book, and that would be the end of it. If Gojyo wasn't joking... And that was the problem. He didn't know what he wanted to happen. Or he did know, but didn't want to admit it, even to himself. Annoyed with his own indecision, he shoved the book into a drawer. He'd worry about it later.