Michael shook his head firmly. "Guano has a sensitive stomach!" Probably because the Tubby Custard had eaten holes in it. "You want me to give him Purina, food for the doggy masses when he's been raised on food fit for a canine king? No way, no sir, no how. I could, however, try to see if he wants Tubby Toast. It's very bulking." Unfortunately, Michael spoke from experience.

"And how do you know so much about nutrition, anyway? Are you a kitchen elf? Or a veterinarian elf? Or maybe a gastroenterology elf?" Apparently, house-elves were like Barbies or My Little Ponies to Michael.