hh_mirror | Astral plane, activate! (HH anniversary plot, RP open to all)

Astral plane, activate! (HH anniversary plot, RP open to all)

The Sorting Hat had been dabbling in way too many fringe philosophies. (Neo-Rosicrucianism? Really, Sorting Hat?) It seemed that puppet!Ron Weasley's name for it, Sorting Hat the Wise, had gone to the Hat's lack-of-visible-head.

On the morning of Dec. 13 (or was it the 14th?) the Hat's esoteric interests affected the school for the second time.

The first instance had been more than a year past, when the Hat took a cue from Rev. Sun Myung Moon and united most of the Hogwarts students in mass marriages. That had been a lengthy and concerted effort by the Hat and its house-elf minions, opposed vigorously by the wicked (or noble??) Kojiro. Kojiro's kidnapping of the Hat's bride had been something of a turning point for the headstrong headgear.

This new instance ... even Kojiro might be powerless to counter. And the Hat's agency would be difficult, if not impossible, to discern.

In a mighty magical working, the Hat projected many of the students ... to the astral plane, in their astral forms.

Astral Hogwarts resembled the real material Hogwarts (well, the Sorting Hat's version of material Hogwarts) very closely indeed. There were some dissimilarities: did Hogwarts, on the material plane, really sparkle so much? Were there so many rainbows in the sky, without a hint of rain to prompt their presence? Were there really pastel-colored unicorns frolicking on the grounds? Unicorns with hair made of cotton candy?

Could the students fly without brooms in material Hogwarts?

Other than that, it would be instantly recognizable as Hogwarts. The astral students would find nothing jarringly unfamiliar, being astral themselves. No disorientation, as there had been with the mass weddings; only a pleasant surprise, if they did happen to remember the absence of pastel unicorns and self-propelled flight.

Finally the Hat would have achieved paradise! Too bad not all the students could be brought into this happy realm. The Hat hadn't quite figured out how to bring everyone en masse. But many of them could be.

Including Kojiro, perhaps ...

(( OOC note: People are welcome to RP astral shenanigans here, or to start their own new posts for interactions of a closed variety. Please, if you embark on NSFW action, make a new post so that it can be lj-cut with appropriate warnings. ))

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Ron had changed over... last night, basically. He had fallen asleep thinking about the absurdity of Snape the Headnurse, Snape and the crazy girlfriend, and he thought quite a bit of Hermione too. In his dreams, his feelings of bemusement and confusion turned into something much less ambiguous.

Astral Ron was not ambiguous. In fact, he was the mortal enemy of moral ambiguity. He would smash it with a hammer!

He did not question why he was suddenly wearing Gryffindor robes, a maroon sweater, and a mustache of evil. Nor did he questions why he suddenly had a strong urge to beat up anyone whose victimization might present them with some nice hurt/comfort action at the expense of Ron's characterization. A Slytherin felt about right. Or some bottom in a slash fic. Or a girl!

"Hullo!" Ron announced. "Can any bloke bloody find me a snake, a bird, or a pouf?"

"You seem tense," said Michael, whose eyes looked a little... odd. He was smiling, in a slightly distant way, and was barely blinking, when he thrust a giant tray of assorted pastries towards Ron. "Would you like to TALK ABOUT IT? It feels better when you TALK ABOUT IT." And Michael was always ready whenever anyone needed to talk, ever! He was an archangel, and it was his job. (Except it wasn't.)

"I don't bloody talk! Ever!" Astral Ron proclaimed. "Bloody talking is for bloody girls and bloody girl-boys, and I bloody hate them! They just think they're soooo keen, not being me." He scowled as he gazed at the tray. He then snatched a pastry and held it up to be seen.

"I'm bullying this!" And then he began to snack down. Num num.

Even Astral projections got hungry. Or thought they did.

Clearly, this young man had severe issues, perhaps something that could be cleared up with a rousing speech on trees and diamonds. It worked on the forces of evil! That one time.

Michael nodded in understanding of these deep, deep issues that he was very concerned about. "And how does that make you feel?" he asked gently.

"It makes me feel bloody ANGRY!" Ron announced. He thought about how much the effort of bullying took him, and then announced, "And real tired."

"I understand." Truly, he did! "You brave little soldier, you," said Michael kindly. "It's okay. You can rest now. You don't have to bully anything. Have another pastry. Or would you like an encouraging hug?" Michael felt much better when he was comforting people. Much less hysterical.

"I'm a soldier in Dumbledore's Army!" Ron admitted proudly. "We're tops at pushing down Slytherins, arraigning forced Muggle-Born and Wizard marriages, and throwing food at people unlike a polite Malfoy dinner! Also, we persecute Malfoys for no good reason while propping up an abusive, anti-magical creature government." Did the Order of the Phoenix do all those things when Ron had first joined? It certainly seemed like a lot now.

"Yeah, I'll bully another pastry." He then grabbed one and proceeded to do just that. He spoke with his mouth full after Michael finished his offer of a hug. "Waip- Ooh wabba hub be?"

"I'm sure you are," said Michael in the patient tones of a parent who's heard a lot of strange stories from young ones in the past, and is just going along with it now. "And that is very clever of you." Was he even listening to what Ron was actually saying? Who knew! Ron was talking and getting all his problems out, and that was the important thing.

He held out his arms, head tilted and face lit up in a benevolent smile. ~~He was just like Jesus. In a way.~~ "I would be honoured to hug you." He managed to say that with a straight face. He was THAT good.

"All right," Ron sighed as he dusted the crumbs from his hands. He then balled up his hands into fists and went into a combative position. "Let's get started then. If you want to start off in a huddled ball on the ground, I'll understand. Probably easier on the back rather than just toppling over- Wait. Are you a top or a bottom? Because if you're a top, then I better get in a ball. I never win against tops."

Hey, there was a downside in being the instigator of dramatic conflict, but if Ron didn't do it, who would? Creative writing? Character development? Voldemort? Psuh!

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cosmicteddy.livejournal.com - 2008-12-15 17:41 (UTC) - Expand

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dungbombsrule.livejournal.com - 2008-12-19 01:09 (UTC) - Expand

"What on earth is a fucking pouf?" Daisy directs at the redhead she had met once, Mister Weasley. She drinks from her gin and tonic, and offers him some of it as well, feeling generous but only to better herself. She didn't feel like making anymore enemies with males, especially because, although she would never go for Mr. Weasley herself, he might have some friends who might fit her needs.

"And why do you want to find a snake, or a bird?"

"Your mum!" Ron said in response to the 'pouf' question, because Daisy was a pretty girl and thus was probably a heroine who needed some obstacles to overcome. Astral Ron made a fantastic obstacle! He took her drink and downed it in one go, since he did his best victimizing while drunk. He was remarkably good at being villainous while smashed, while Ron regularly just muttered something about furries before passing out.

"So I can bully it!" Astral Ron announced.

"Mister Weasley, though I still don't know what a 'pouf' is, my mother is certainly not one." She snaps her fingers for another two glasses of gin and tonic, making one land in his hand, she sips from hers the moment it's there, realizing she might need to keep up with his drinking habits if she wanted to have some fun tonight.

"And why on earth," she drinks in between pauses, "would you want to bully a snake? It's a fucking animal! It can't fight back! Especially, with a bird!"

She copies Mr. Weasley and downs the rest of her drink in one sip, wincing at the bitter taste.

"Maybe not, but she sure is shagging one. A pouf. Who's your dad. Because your mum is a MAN!" He punched the air with triumph, because he bloody GOT her. She was totally going to cry any second now, and then Ron's job could be done and he could get on with the countless other things he had to do because there were bloody dozens of Slytherins, girls, and gay blokes in Hogwarts. Dozens!

"That's the whole point!" Ron announced. "It's not bullying if they're fighting back. That's just fighting. But, you know, I can't actually go on arguing about semantics right now. Because I'm bloody stupid is what I am. Dur," Ron added just to be safe.

Daisy laughed herself into a tizzy off of everything Mister Weasley had said to her. "M-My mum's a man? Ha ha ha! Oh my, Mister Weasley, was that a joke? And my dad's a homosexual? Oh, Mister Weasley, you really are a laugh!" She snaps for another gin and tonic, continuing to drink up.

"And bloody stupid, I don't think you're that, otherwise you wouldn't have a position at this school. Dur." She snaps back; her flattery is just as bad as his bullying.

Astral Ron certainly wasn't expecting that reaction. He backed away while holding both of his long hands up. "Alright, calm down! Calm down! Everyone just bloody calm down! I think... I think you might have just laughed yourself into a tizzy." He swallowed. "Merlin's beard, it's a bloody tizzy!" He turned around to scream desperately, "IS THERE A MEDIC-WIZARD AROUND? PREFERABLY ONE THAT'S A STRAIGHT MALE GRYFFINDOR SO I DON'T GOT TO BULLY 'EM!?"

And, because Astral Ron was indeed somewhat stupid, he only then recalled a word that Daisy had said much earlier in their conversation.

"BIRDS!"

And Ron fell flat on the ground, hands covering his head.

Daisy quiets her laughing and shakes her head and Mister Weasley's immediate drop to the floor. "Mister W-do you have a first name I could call you? Mister Weasley is such a mouthful every time." She kneels down next to him, rubbing his back gently.

"There are no birds here, hon. Just a bunch of other people. But no birds."

"It's only..." He counted with his fingers. "Four of 'em. Besides, you should be used to mouthfuls by now! HA!" All right, he now just implied that she was a whore. All in a day's work for Astral Ron.

But he then swallowed before asking, "So, no birds? Or some buxom girl with Herbal Essences hair who has changed over the summer?"

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daisy-inthesun.livejournal.com - 2008-12-15 06:27 (UTC) - Expand

Strawberry marched up to Ron. "So now you've got yourself a bird," she said, holding her big freakin' gun in a manner that suggested she might casually shoot Ron and then stomp on his corpse. "What're you gonna do about it?

"BIRDS!"

Ron fell straight on the ground, hands covering his hair.

That was what he was going to do about birds.

Even Astral!Rambo!Fields had to pause and goggle at Ron's sudden defensive action. She kicked Ron with her boot. "No, birds like chicks, you idiot. You know, girls? You've seen a girl, yes?"

"Girls MAKE the birds! They bloody attack you and get in your hair!" He frowned as he crawled up. He gave Strawberry Fields a once-over, and noticed her own red hair. This made Ron pause. The Ginny he knew changed in appearances and styles, but she always looked like a beautiful redhead, like this woman. She also liked to cast a death-spell on Voldemort when she wasn't poisoning Harry with a love potion. Also, her eyes might change with her mood.

She looked like Lindsay Lohan a lot.

"Ginny?"

She rolled her eyes. "No, it's Berry. Fields if you're nasty." Which landed James Bond in category #2, but was that really a shocker?

"Barry!?" He sighed. He was pretty sure a bloke in girl's clothing counted as being 'different' enough to count. He sighed and then raised his fists. "All right. Might as well get to it, then."

"Fine!" Did he want to fight? Great! Fields was Not! Taking! It! Anymore! Except that maybe Ron hadn't thought his plan through, because Fields raised the gun and pointed it right at him. "You'd better make your first hit count. I plan to."

"Ok, you're obviously the Top, so..." Ron sighed as he collapsed to sulk on the floor. "I'm gonna get shot."