Application for Near from Death Note

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

Application for Near from Death Note

(Note: Near is taken from after the close of the series, following the recent one-shot chapter.)


Cautiously, Near padded into the unfamiliar room, glancing about in bland curiousity. He didn't recall how he'd come to be there, and that was somewhat disconcerting. Still, it was therefore a puzzle, and solving puzzles was what Near lived for. When he spotted the application, his curiousity was piqued further. Perhaps he might learn something from the nature of the questions.



1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

That seemed like a nonsensical question. Perhaps it was meant to put him off his guard. "Whatever's handy, I suppose. Brie, maybe. It's easy to spread on crackers." Hard to imagine a question like that being too revealing.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

Now, this was something he'd have to tread more carefully answering. "Have either of them commited any major crimes? At times criminals resist arrest violently. Sometimes killing them becomes essential to prevent them from harming others. And of course, if they've commited sufficiently heinous acts, the death penalty might be called for. But in either situation, I wouldn't kill them directly. I could, perhaps, see how solving their crimes might lead someone to the conclusion that I had some hand in killing them."

3. What time is it where you are?

Another neutral question. It was almost as if a lie detector was being calibrated, but he saw no evidence of one. "Right now, 'where I am' is here, and I hate to admit it, but I don't know what time it is here, seeing as I don't know where here is. It was not quite five p.m. where I was."

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

Another odd question. "I'm afraid I don't know who you're talking about. And sexual harassment is against the law, you know." Granted, it was a fairly minor transgression, and one he'd resort to if it might help solve a real case.

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

"Bartend?" Definitely trying to put him off guard. "I doubt I'd ever be tending bar. Although if I were to name one, I might call it the Abecedarium." Damn Had he been tricked into saying something revealing? No... no, that didn't give anything away.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

Now, this one was just boring. "Again, I'm afraid I don't know these people, so I can hardly be expected to give a helpful answer. And if you're going to bring mythology into it, then it's going to be an ugly situation all around. Love triangles in myths and legends almost always turn into bloodbaths."

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

Near tried not to snort at that one. "You're disorganized. Come up with a filing system, or get an assistant to do it for you."

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

That was a trap. That was definitely a trap, and he would have to answet carefully. "I'm not bad at solving problems. I suppose you could call me a consultant. I've helped people before."

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

...what? Near felt in his almost-empty pockets, trying to find something that would qualify. Finally, his hand emerged, clutching something small.

A finger puppet.

A white-clad finger puppet, with dark hair, its 'chest' emblazoned with an L.

After all, Near didn't need it anymore. He was L now.

"This is all I have. You're welcome to it, if you'd like."






"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. _____N_______
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. _____N______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. _____N______.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ______N_______"

Comments

[rated-ec10.livejournal.com]

Preston considered the answers, gave the applicant a good long measuring look, and then frowned slightly as he looked at the bribe. "You have a puppet." It seemed a very strange thing for someone who sounded like law enforcement to be carrying, even here. "Why?"

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

He thought about that for a moment. "They help me focus," Near said eventually. "It's easier to think about people if I have something to represent them."

[dungbombsrule.livejournal.com]

"Your name's Near?" Ron grinned wide and said what was no doubt at one point a clever, original remark sometime before the last decade.

"Near what?"

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

Anyone else might have met that remark with a withering glare, but Near merely looked at Ron calmly. Temper tantrums had been Mello's style, not his. "Simply Near."

[usethepoker.livejournal.com]

It wasn't often Susan ran across anyone with hair even remotely like hers--there was Silas, the albino monk, and until now that had been it. (And, considering Silas was half-insane and was convinced that she was some kind of demon, he almost didn't count.)

"May I ask about your puppet?" she said.

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

Near also took note of Susan's somewhat unusual appearance, although his features registered nothing but polite greeting. "I don't need it anymore. I no longer feel the need for it as a symbol."

SPOILERS FOR NEAR'S REAL NAME

[papayagami.livejournal.com]

"Near."

So this was the other successor to L, so he claimed, the one that knew that Light wasn't L.

It did him no good right now, but Soichiro kept his real name-Nate River-tucked away in the back of his mind.

"You're older than I expected you to be, considering your, ah, counterpart's age."

Re: SPOILERS FOR NEAR'S REAL NAME

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

...Interesting. It only took a moment's pondering for Near to recognize the face; Soichiro Yagami, father of Light Yagami. Hadn't he died? Did he know who... what... his son was?

All those thoughts flickered through his mind at high speed. Near merely smiled and bowed politely. "Yagami-san, I presume?"

[otakukonata.livejournal.com]

Konata had not read the latest chapter, as she had come here, so she was mildly surprised to see Near look so...adult. But, then again, maybe it's an adult cosplaying Near when he should have cosplayed L. Or Mello!

"Can I have a picture with you?"

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

A photograph? That was one of the thinga he'd been trained since childhood to avoid. And why would this girl want a picture with him anyway?

"I'm sorry, but no. I don't like cameras."

[woocha.livejournal.com]

Ooh! Are you like Sherlock Holmes?

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

Being addressed by a dog... that was odd.

"I don't play the violin, smoke a pipe, or use intravenous drugs, if that's what you mean."

[mysticpearls.livejournal.com]

((When in doubt, go with a pup I haven't played in a bit. Will be SLOW!))

Pearl took a while to decipher the application. One of the house elves wandering by took pity on her and helped her work through some of the bigger words. She still didn't get the full meaning of the answer to question 2, but there were certain key words that she picked up on.

She bowed politely to the applicant. "Hello. Are you a detective? I didn't know detectives used finger puppets." Pearl didn't necessarily find it odd; she honestly didn't know.

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

"I am." Why deny it? As long as he didn't come any closer than that to revealing his true identity... "I doubt all detectives use finger puppets. I just find them useful."

[iam-beowulf.livejournal.com]

(( Permission given to meta Beowulf. In the movie, once Beowulf's an old king, everyone gets together every year to sing about how great he is, and people come from other countries to fight him just for the glory of it, or so he chooses to interpret their desire to kill him ... Anyway. He will just think that Near has heard of his glorious deeds.~~~ ))

Beowulf strode into the Sorting Room in his usual attire: his Hogwarts robes hanging open because his muscles could not be contained; his leather underpants revealed thereby; his Gryffindor tie knotted about his broad brow, its ends hanging down his back.

"I AM BEOWULF," he informed the new arrival.

Well, what did you expect him to say?

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

Was there an SCA event in the area? This person certainly seemed to be commited as far as hygiene went. And that leather must chafe.

"Are you now," Near said dryly. "I trust you won't tear my arm off."

[bantersucks.livejournal.com]

((*chucks Jaime in because none of my other pups are working right now* Warning, workninja, meetings own my soul for the next two and a half hours.))

Jaime kept going back to question 2. "So if solving their crimes is the same as killing them indirectly, they committed 'em in the first place. Wouldn't that be indirect suicide, if you followed that reasoning?" He shook his head. "Uh, sorry. Just don't get why anybody would think that way."

It had yet to apply to him - the crazies he had stopped so far didn't rate the death penalty - but he was from Texas, after all.

The puppet was weird, but it struck him as the sort of weird that he Did Not Want to Know About, so he just gave it a strange look and kept silent.

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

It was an interesting point of view. "Do you believe in assisted suicide, then? In many places that itself is a crime." Near shrugged. "There are many ways of looking at it. I try to see all the angles, even the ones I don't agree with."

[hellminxmel.livejournal.com]

'Consultant--what, you're a doctor, or you work with cash? If that's true, why the sad little finger-puppet, dude?'

Also known as the 'OH MY GOD, DO SOMETHING' poking. Maia flips her hair, waiting for an answer she can work with.

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

"I solve problems. Ones other people can't. If other people could, they'd be beneath my notice." Oh, yes... Near has finally accepted his status as L, the world's greatest detective, no longer feeling as if he was entirely in the shadow of his predecessor. "Finger puppets help me keep track of variables."

[ghostorangel.livejournal.com]

It wasn't often Silas ran into a fellow albino--he'd seen only one other in his life, in fact, until now. This man--boy, really--was as pale as he was, though fortunately for the boy he hadn't been cursed with the red eyes as well.

"What sort of 'consulting' do you do?" he asked softly. The boy clearly wasn't a priest, so it couldn't be the religious kind.

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

Near hadn't met any other albinos either, although he'd certainly educated himself on the subject.

"Problem solving. I'm a detective, you see."

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

"If I gave you a potato chip," the Hat wanted to know, "what would you do with it?"

Leave aside questions of 'crisps' for the nonce.

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

"Well, that's easy. I would eat it."

Ravenclaw!

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

Your bribe has been accepted!

Welcome to Ravenclaw!