[Open RP] Happy Valentine's Day, suckers!

[vislor-turlough.livejournal.com]

OOC: While the people below have signed up, this is open for anyone to enter the crazy.


So. It's Valentine's Day. Turlough had rounded up a few house elves to do his bidding. Said bidding was to set up tables with name cards, a table with food and drink (which may or may not be hexed, I couldn't decide), and a sign:

We will not be responsible for anyone fed love potions.

Because someone will.

We also will not be responsible for any actions here on in.

Turlough stood in the corner of the Great Hall, drink in hand, smirk on face as he watched people come on (or forced in by cattleprod point, in Soichiro's case.)

Winry/Charles Macaulay

Maia/Pickles

Yoda/Zim

Caprica Six /Gir

Homestar Runner/Susan Sto Helit

Toki Wartooth/Ayame Sohma

Rob Stark/ Kelly Kapoor

Soichiro Yagami/Billy Brennan

Lucille Bluth /Skwisgaar Skigelf (I swear to god I drew this.)

Phoenix Wright/Brainiac Five

Kon-El/Petulia Gristle

Gustav Marugueriff/Tomo Takino

Kathryn Merteuil/Wishbone

Camilla Macaulay/Benton Fraser

Molly Michon/Matthew

Ian Malcolm/KOS-MOS

Comments

[c-macaulay.livejournal.com]

Camilla knew about the Valentine's Day blind-date event. She'd signed up her friend Susan, for purely unselfish reasons, of course. She knew she had most definitely not signed herself up for anything.

She didn't think anything of it when someone knocked at the Winters' door that evening. Well, all right, she was mildly irritated. Anyone with any reason to see them should know they wouldn't want to be disturbed. Henry and Camilla Winter were not red-velvet-candy-box, bows-and-ribbons, Hallmark holiday people. They did, however, have their own forms of observance. Or would -- they never had spent a Valentine's Day together before. At Hampden it just hadn't been possible, the one February they'd actually been anything like a couple. Anyway. They were newlyweds. Their friends ought to leave them alone on Valentine's Day, even if they would never go within a hundred yards of a Whitman's Sampler (or a Good Vibrations). If they wanted to spend the evening writing marginalia in their respective copies of Liddell and Scott (and for all Camilla knew, that might be exactly what Henry had in mind), well, then they should be left to do so in peace!

So, yes, Camilla was irritated a little. She was not, however, suspicious.

The last thing she expected was the Spanish Inquisition a house elf with a cattle-prod.

She associated armed house-elves with tent villages and the like. Her face blanched. "There's got to be some mistake," she said. To which she was handed a piece of paper stating she, Camilla Macaulay, was expected at this Valentine event, and that her date would be awaiting her.

"Really, there's got to be some mistake," she repeated. "That isn't my name any more."

[h-m-winter.livejournal.com]

...There was only one person Henry knew of who would give Camilla's maiden name on anything. Oh, Charles was a dead man.

"There does have to be a mistake," he said, joining her at the door. "Her name is Camilla Winter. Unless perhaps you've written it wrong, and you're looking for her brother?" There was nothing nasty in his voice, but there definitely was in his mind. Charles wasn't going to get to carry out whatever plans he might have had for Valentine's Day, but Camilla was certainly going to, dammit.

[c-macaulay.livejournal.com]

Camilla handed the paper to Henry. "It does say Camilla. I don't suppose someone has enchanted Charles to be a woman or anything like that." The idea of Charles teetering about the castle á la Dame Edna Everage (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dame_Edna_Everage) only amused her for the split second it took to realize that meant he could also impersonate her if he indeed underwent a genderswitch.

The house elf nodded and insisted. "You come to the Great Hall," he croaked. And then he made the mistake of raising his cattle prod. Not to use it, mind. Just to show he was armed and meant business.

[h-m-winter.livejournal.com]

House elf. Cattle prod. Camilla. Something in this equation was clearly wrong, and it was most easily fixed by the simple expedient of grabbing the elf by its feet, wresting the prod from its hands, and eying it, sternly, as he held its upside-down face close to his. "That," he said, "was somewhat rude. Now, why do you want her to go to the Great Hall?"

[c-macaulay.livejournal.com]

This wasn't the first time Camilla had seen Henry resort to this kind of expedient. It didn't disturb her much. "Well, he already said why I was supposed to go," she pointed out helpfully. The house elf had been reduced to stammering, its inherent submissive nature at war with the tough prod-toting mindset the Hat had brainwashed into it. "I'm supposed to be going on a date."

The explanation probably didn't help anything. Nor did the arrival of reinforcements, a few more house elves with cattle prods.

[h-m-winter.livejournal.com]

"I was hoping," he said, "that it was some idiotic joke of the castle. If it isn't, then I'm coming, too."

He dropped the elf without ceremony, giving all of them the Henry Winter version of a glower, which amounted to a very, very cold stare.

[c-macaulay.livejournal.com]

The elf didn't flee upon being released. It only rubbed its head and joined its armed compatriots. This suggested to Camilla that the matter was indeed serious, and she said so: "No, I really don't think it's a joke."

Henry was glaring at the elves. The elves were glaring back. None of them objected to his assertion that he'd accompany Camilla, however. Camilla took this as a good sign. "Well," she said brightly, "I'd better dress to go out, then."

A pause.

"Henry, why don't you take them all out to wait in the hallway?"

[h-m-winter.livejournal.com]

Henry raised an eyebrow, but led the elves out. Trust Camilla to roll with such a situation so effortlessly (or at least, with every appearance of effortlessness). His glare at the elves hadn't abated, and though they hung onto their cattle prods, they also kept a healthy distance between themselves and Henry.

[c-macaulay.livejournal.com]

It did take effort, but she concealed it well. Anyway how bad could it be? She assured herself, as she dressed (quickly; she could dress quickly), that the Hat couldn't do anything too terrible to her, as she was safely married now by wizarding and Muggle standards alike. Probably it would be the usual laughable Hogwarts mess. And it might even be fun, something by way of a social mixer. Really, if she'd thought it would be terrible, she wouldn't have signed Susan up.

She hoped Henry would take his cues from her, in this. She suspected if she seemed distressed, he'd erupt; if she took things in stride, hopefully he'd go along with her. It wouldn't do to keep him with the elves too long, for the elves' health and Henry's blood pressure. She emerged in about five minutes, in a black cocktail dress and heels. She hadn't had time to bother with nylons -- rather, she had, but she'd snagged a ragged fingernail in one leg and had to toss the things away.

"All right, let's go," she said, with infinite and careful cheer.

[h-m-winter.livejournal.com]

Camilla, ever capable. Henry doubted there were many awkward social situations she wouldn't be able to salvage--part of it was her upbringing, but he had a feeling that most of it was simply her, Camilla being Camilla. At least he more or less matched her, in one of his seemingly infinite dark suits.

He offered her his arm, pointedly ignoring the house elves. For whatever reason, though they were quite insistent about Camilla going with them, they really didn't seem to have a problem with Henry tagging along. Then again, they hadn't minded with the tent village, either, had they?

[c-macaulay.livejournal.com]

Capable indeed. Why, she'd even managed her own zipper. But, yes, Camilla did have an innate talent for smoothing things over. If worse came to worst, she'd simply ignore whatever didn't work; she'd pretend it wasn't happening.

She stretched up to give Henry a brief kiss on the cheek before taking his arm. House elves didn't really count as an audience, and she felt it was more important to reassure him than to be circumspect around house elves anyway. "We'll have a couple of drinks and meet some poor hapless man who's been dragged there by house-elves too, and then we'll come back and read Catullus or something." Surely house elves couldn't know how racy Catullus' poetry was, but Henry would get the idea.

All the way down to the Great Hall, she pretended the house elves weren't even there. She walked sedately and with no particular rush, as though she'd decided to go there herself. The elves didn't care as long as she was moving in the dictated direction, so they didn't feel the need to hurry the Winters along. (Also, none of them wanted to be turned upside-down like their unfortunate compatriot.)

[h-m-winter.livejournal.com]

He smiled, just a little--a very Henry-smile. "Catullus?" he said. "Well worth the inconvenience of having to meet aforesaid hapless man, in that case."

Mood thus brightened, he went along with Camilla, giving the house elves and their cattle prods a somewhat sardonic look.