hh_mirror | Application: Lestat de Lioncourt, from Interview With the Vampire

A very pale man entered the room, bright blue eyes taking in everything while a huge grin swept over his features. He seemed utterly entranced with the entire place, though so far he had only seen the stone walls and a desk with a chair just waiting to have the pleasure of his ass sitting on it. His clothes were a bit... dated, though quite high society, and he straightened the lace sticking out from under a jacket sleeve as his other hand ran down one of the walls.

"Just lovely!" he gasped. "Such workmanship I haven't seen in a long time."
He knew he was in a castle. He could tell. Hell, the place positively reeked of castle-ness. He moved to the chair and stroked its back, almost like a lover, before swiveling around to sit in it.

"All I have to do to stay is fill out an application?" He raised an eyebrow. "This is too easy."

Usually he had to turn on a little charm, or at least dispose of the current residents, before being able to do as he pleased in castles.

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

Hmm... I don't eat cheese, you know. You could call me lactose intolerant. Or just.. food intolerant. I prefer much tastier things. If you ask very nicely, I might let you in on what they might be.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

Neither would taste very good, in my opinion, and since I don't have to put up with them myself, I would rather let someone else have the pleasure.

3. What time is it where you are?

Night time, of course.

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Sexual harassment, you say? I can tell you that I have never been turned away when I seek sexual company, and so it really doesn't count as harassment, now does it? Deadly, maybe, but not harassing.

5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

Oh come now, isn't every dreary little bar named the same thing nowadays? Honestly, you might as well call it what it is, Dreary Little Bar.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

Marriage? Why on earth would the boy want to settle down with either? You're only limiting your options then.

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

I guess someone forgot to leave a sign on the door stating that the next piece of paperwork received will lead to the inexplicable demise of the person leaving it.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

Useless? Really now, if there is anything I'm not, it's useless. I have a multitude of talents, not to mention the added perks that come with being a vampire such as myself.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

"I offer the greatest gift of all. Eternal life, to anyone brave enough to take it! Of course, if that isn't what you're into, maybe we can see about making... other... arrangements."

"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. _____Lestat_______
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ___Lestat________.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. __Lestat_________.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ____Lestat_________"

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Oh, I'd love to," Camilla said, dismissing for the moment the problem of arranging such travel without causing a huge scandal among her former Hampden classmates. "Of course, you'd have to understand I'm not meant to be food." This she said with a brilliant smile. The implication was that obviously he knew she wasn't meant to be food. "I couldn't take photographs in the sunlight if I couldn't endure sunlight."

She considered the problem of Sortings and sunlight. "Well, a locked door we can't manage, I'm afraid. You have to stay in the Sorting Room." Camilla thought a moment, then called one of the house elves over.

"We need a decorative screen," she said. "The one with the dragons on it, from the trophy room, should be fine. And any old tapestry or blanket if it's not too dusty, something big enough to cover that trunk you just brought. And one of my down pillows." The school-issue pillows were really atrocious.

"Will you never cease to amaze me, my dear lady? I do not know how much more of your wit and charm I can endure before I melt into an indistinguishable puddle of astonishment right here on the floor, and nobody would want to mop that up."

The Sorting Room wouldn't be a bad place to spend a night or two, after all it wasn't like he would be sleeping in a spacious bed or anything. There was one amenity he was curious about, however.

"My dear lady, you don't happen to know where a gentleman such as myself could procure a violin, do you? It is intensely relaxing to play before bed, you know."

Camilla wrinkled her nose a little, and laughed. "A puddle of astonishment? Goodness." She shook her head. "No, I'm not at all sure where you could get a violin."

"No matter, I will come across one eventually. It used to be a very pleasurable pasttime for me. I may not be too good at it, I'm afraid. I did send a girl off screaming because of my playing once."

Granted, it may have had something to do with the speed at which he was playing, and not so much the quality.

Uncertain how to take that particular anecdote, Camilla merely nodded. "I don't imagine people here would take too kindly to that," she said, carefully neutral. Goodness, he was a little strange, after all, wasn't he?

"Well, I think I learned my lesson. Really I just wanted someone to know what I was. Marius wouldn't allow me to make myself known back then, and it was, well, quite frankly it was lonely. Since then my playing has been a bit calmer."

He offered a little smile, like a child saying "My bad, but it's ok now, right?"

This puzzled Camilla a bit. "Why should you have wanted to be known? Wasn't it safer to stay hidden? Of course, if you were lonely ..." She shrugged. "Who is Marius? Didn't he help to ease the loneliness?"

"Safer, yes. But far less entertaining. Marius was a mentor to me. He helped me come to terms with my vampirism." Lestat shook his head, a bit sadly. "But Marius was completely obsessed with a woman who never moved, a statue at best."

His smile was melancholy now, his eyes asking forgiveness for his dropped mood.

"I played for her once. She moved. She offered me her wrist, and I took it. Marius... never felt the same about me after that. Kicked me off the island to make my own way."

"Oh. Jealousy." Camilla understood immediately -- she knew all about jealousy. She was generally the cause of it. "Do you mind it very much, now, being a vampire? I don't think I should like to be one. I'd miss the sun ..."

Lestat nodded, completely understanding her reservations.

"I do miss it. I miss food. I miss having companions with a similar lifespan. But you know, there are things I have gained from it that I wouldn't trade for anything. After all, if I had died, even as a very old man, I would never have met you, now would I have? On my deathbed your mother wouldn't have even been a twinkle in her mother's eyes."

"That's true," said Camilla, quite accustomed to flattery. She supposed there were people who would say the privilege of meeting her was worth giving up sunlight. As if to substantiate the supposition, she favored him with a radiant smile, the sort of smile that prompted people to imagine she had a halo. "When did you die?"

"1780. I was twenty years old. In appearance and, some say, nature, I'm still twenty. It was a rather violent affair. At the time, I didn't want this at all." He didn't add that it felt to him rather how rape victims must feel. He thought it might slightly dampen the mood.

But Camilla, perceptive as ever, caught it at once. "I'm sorry to hear that," she said sympathetically. "But you're glad of it now?"

"I really am. I can walk through the centuries and observe the changing world, instead of seeing just a tiny portion of it. I personally regard it as a wonderful gift, despite its drawbacks."

For a seeker of knowledge, it did prove itself valuable.

Camilla did aspire to immortality, but of a less exacting variety. She didn't like the idea of living without the sun.

"If that's what you love most about the life you lead, then you might fit best in Ravenclaw House, while you're here," she said. "It's the house of intellect. Though aesthetes can be found in other houses too, really. I'm in Gryffindor, myself, and that's the house whose device is a lion; and you are a de Lioncourt. Maybe you'd rather live in Gryffindor?"

"I fear I will end up in neither, as the majority, in fact I think all of the previous votes have been for Slytherin. Honestly, I don't much care any way it goes, unless I am cut off from people in other houses. If you are above influence, then those you are surrounded by will not factor into your growth." He smiled. "I guess, what I am trying to say, is that a house is just a house."

Camilla gave him an answering smile. "Well put. Should I not give any vote at all, then?"

"I would settle for a midnight snack sometime instead." He grinned. "And don't worry, you won't be the snack."

Camilla laughed then, a long sweet peal of laughter. "All right. I'm going to go now. Call on me when the Sorting's over."

Application: Lestat de Lioncourt, from Interview With the Vampire

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